Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Friday, March 25, 2011
I've been talking about it all week. And here it is my one year Bandiversary. I'm happy with my progress, although when I started, I just knew I'd be at my goal in one year. I'm not, but I'm happy with the progress. I'm 5'9" tall, at my heaviest I was in a size 26 pants, a size 24 or 3x top and I quit weighing myself at 285! In the picture taken today, I'm wearing a large t-shirt and a size 16 jeans, I'm dressed for my son's track meet after school today and I feel pretty normal! When I was looking for pictures to put together for the collage above, I realized just how long I've been hiding myself and making sure no full body pictures ever saw the light of day! Any way, before surgery I followed Catherine's advice and took my measurements, I would urge all you newbies to do the same, the results are pretty impressive to me, they are:
Upper arm -2
For a total of 36 inches lost, I'll take it!
And now a little BYOC
1. How do you handle criticism? From anyone but my husband very well. I don't know why, but if my husband criticizes me, even in the most gentle way, it hurts my feelings and I'm a child. Sad but true!
2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life? I think my 2 brothers and my sister, they practically raised me, when my parents died they all stepped up and did whatever they could to take care of me. My brothers took over my dad's business and did a beautiful job with it, they are all damn fine people!
3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long? At this point in my life, absolutely not, but I stayed with a man for 23 years who talked to me like I was less than human. Now, I'm a much different person!
4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength? I think it is a sign of both. For me, I always felt week when I cried and I cried a lot, but now I realize what a gift it is to be able to feel what you feel and express that. I found that once I worked through some pain from my past, I didn't cry near as much, I didn't need to. I still cry when I need to and I know without a doubt that I am strong... I am woman...hear me roar!
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life. In blog land...it's my one year Bandiversary, and for many of my blog sisters as well! Also, jealousy rears it's ugly head as I see picture after picture of the NYC brunch...I can't wait to see you guys in Chicago! In real life, busy, busy I'm so looking forward to the weekend!
Have a wonderful Friday and enjoy the weekend.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
All that aside, I will say that I am so grateful that I got the band. It has been a challenge trying to undo 47 years of bad eating habits, but overall, I think I've done okay. I looked back on my blog and found my top ten list of things I wanted from the band. Here it is:
10. To no longer be obese. (I am 9 pounds away from not being Obese on the BMI chart!)
9. To feel comfortable in my clothes. (I would say that this has happened for me, I'm much more comfortable in my clothes and with myself.)
8. To get my blood pressure under control. (I'm still on meds, but my blood pressure is 116/66, so on my next visit I think my doc will start weening me from the meds, before, my BP was high even on 2 kinds of medication.)
7. To take a beach vacation and not feel inclined to wear at tent! (I think this is not going to be a problem, I've been searching swim suits online already in anticipation, and it should be way better than last year.)
6. To adjust the seat in my car without having to move my butt to one side to get my arm down there! (Victory, I never thought that would happen for me, but it has!)
5. To no longer know the Muffin man! (he lives above my waist) -- (I'm happy to report, no muffin top!)
4. To weigh less than my husband. (Yay! Again, I never thought that this could happen, it's not by much, but it feels great!)
3. To wear a football mom shirt and not feel so out of place. (Done, I'm starting to feel more and more normal!)
2. To weigh less than the average starting lineman on any given Sunday.(Done! The actual average weight of linemen in the NFL is 270, so Yay!)
And....the number one thing I want from the band.....
1. For my personality to be bigger than my butt! (I don't know about this one, but on some days I think yes...maybe so!)
I still don't know if I'll be able to locate my befores, but if not, I'll save them for my 2 year post or for my goal post....which, I now know I will reach! I shudder to think what a lonely journey this would be had I not stumbled upon this wonderful community of bloggers. I still can't believe that I flew half way across the country to go hang out with people I met on line in Chicago last year, it just goes to show you that what we have here is really special. I thank you all for your support and the camaraderie. I'll post officially tomorrow. Have a great day!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Have a great Wednesday....the hubs is a little under the weather, so I don't think we'll be having date night tonight. I'll have a glass of wine with Cameron on "Modern Family", he and I are just alike.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
He said, "she seems perfectly comfortable with her body design. Until she's not." Wow, that was brilliant, no truer words have ever been spoken. I know I'm not alone here, but I do think it's pretty much a woman thing, that one day you feel fine and confident and then the least little thing can throw you into that cavern of uncertainty that we like to call "low self-esteem" or for me, "Oh my God, my butt looks huge in this, did you get a look at my back fat? I hate my hair, nothing fits me, I'm sucha freeking cow!" Saturday night while getting ready to go out, I had that moment and I'm telling you it all started because I don't have anything that fits me well. I'm a firm believer that as you are losing weight you should make sure that things fit you along the way, and this hasn't been a problem until now, I'm officially at the end of my closet supply, I have no smaller sizes and I have purged my closet, leaving a few things hanging, that I should probably purge too, but I just can't bear to look at my closet with nothing in it. I know this is a good problem to have, I even have a nice gift certificate to spend on clothes, but each time I go to the store, I can't find anything that appeals to me. I'm scared to venture into the non plus size world, because I always feel like the police will come pat me down and insist I go back to the fat girl side of the store. I'm just at an awkward time and I'm between sizes. Trust me, I'm not knocking it, but I just need to bite the bullet and do some shopping.
My husband is right, I'm pretty comfortable with my body design, I have hips and a womanly figure, I'm okay with that, it's taken me more than 40 years to understand that you can't change your body type. I'm glad that curvy girls are accepted more now, and I'm glad that the 80's are gone, because there just aren't enough shoulder pads in the world to make my hips look narrow. I'm also glad that I'm married to a man who loves me, even when I'm having a crazy melt down. I can't imagine going through this past year without the support of my husband, he is so reasonable and I am so emotional, he helps to ground me.
I still haven't found my official before pictures that we took before surgery, I hope I can find them. I did get out my measurements and can tell you that the band and a year make for considerable change. I plan to blog on Friday, my actual one year mark. Every day I'm grateful for my band, I'm grateful for this community and I'm so grateful that my husband has been so willing to participate in this journey with me. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that together we will learn to be more accepting of what's looking back at us from the mirror!
Friday, March 18, 2011
Side note: Some of the questions today or upcoming may be repeats BUT some newbies have asked that I ask them so if you don’t mind re-answering that’d be great for all the new bloggers who are getting to know us “oldies”!
1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?
Yes, I do, because I am still fat, although I feel much better about myself and feel much healthier and much more “normal” looking, I also am a realist and know that I am still fat. If I go by the BMI chart, I’m still obese for 12 more pounds, in fact.
2. Tell us about your first kiss.
I was in the 7th grade, and I can’t remember the boys name, I think it was Don, but it was at my friend Brenda’s house, she had a boy/girl dance party, he and I danced a lot, because he was likely the only one there taller than me (to Bread songs of course, all slow dances.) Later on in the party we played spin the bottle, and he and I had this big long kiss. I remember thinking I might die from suffocation and, as I recall, he was not a very good kisser, kind of sloppy in fact.
3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?
I don’t really know that I have a style. I am a very maternal woman and I love being a mother and having a close relationship with my kids. I try really hard to be consistent and stick with what I say. Other than that, I think humor is a good tool to have as a parent, we laugh a lot at our house. All I can say for sure is that I really do try hard to be a good mother and step mother and to let the kids know how very much I love them, sometimes I fall short, but I do try. I find it much more challenging to be a step mother, because with your own children you know that when you fuss with them or punish them or whatever… you already have this life-long relationship with them, they know you have their back no matter what, they know where you stand and they know you love them no matter what. But with your step children you don’t have that advantage of a life-long love, it’s very challenging, rewarding, but challenging, especially for an emotional person like me.
4. How would your best friend describe you?
I think she would say I’m funny and a good listener (I would say the same for her!)
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
In blog life, so many people are approaching their one year mark, it’s exciting and I’m so thankful for all that this blog has brought to my life. And…my husband’s blog has a fancy new look thanks to Jenny. He’s giving me a little competition, but, he writes such funny, sweet stuff about me that I’ll just have to let him slide.
In real life, it’s track season again and so I’m going to a meet tonight to watch my son run. I’m excited for the weekend, I’m finally getting over the blues that come along with the time change for me. Monday, I go to court again with my ex, I’m looking forward to it, about like a root canal with no anesthesia.
Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments on my blog post with the before and after pics. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel good!
Have a great weekend, Big Hugs!
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Have a great day!
Monday, March 14, 2011
Friday, March 11, 2011
I have made and executive decision not to participate in the x-rated BYOC today. I love to talk about sex, but not in a public forum. So, you guys will have to wait for Chicago to ask me any personal sex type questions! LOL!
I loved all of the comments yesterday about the TV characters, that was fun. Also, I particularly like Kristin's comment about my husband's blog. When I was talking about the comments he made about voluptuous women being better equipped to handle life in general. Her comment was this: "I think John's point is sound. I've always thought not being particularly attractive in my teen and early adult years forced me to develop a sense of humor, intelligence and a sense of kinship with people who were, well, average. I have family members who were always really pretty, and they relied on their looks a lot. I never thought of it this way at the time, but I think I was blessed to not have that option. It really pushed me to develop as a person." I would totally agree with this statement as well. Although, I've seen Kristin and she is beautiful! Read also said that people who have had to struggle generally are better prepared to face the world, great points. I personally believe that my weight problems are what helped me to develop my sense of humor and the type of outgoing personality that I have. I've said it before I have always felt like if I can get in a conversation with someone, they will see past my fat. Now at this stage of my life as I'm approaching my 50's I see friends of mine, who were beautiful young women, really struggling with the loss of their youth and some of their beauty. It's been interesting for me to watch some of my friends that I have always thought had it all, and now I realize they had some things, but those things are fleeting. I think there is a lot to be said for women who accept and embrace all parts of the maturing process. One of the things that makes me sad for myself is that I wasted a considerable amount of time trying to change myself, when I was a young woman, had I spent that energy embracing myself, differences and all, I would have saved myself some heart ache. I suppose youth really is wasted on the young. I have done a lot of thinking lately about what it is I really want. Will I be happy when I reach my goal weight? Will I then have a whole new set of flaws to fixate on? Will I be able to age gracefully or will I go kicking and screaming into bluehairdom? Will I ever know the answers to these types of questions? Does anyone else think like I do? The list goes on and on. Again, lots to think about. There are things that I'm starting to feel very sure about, I feel sure that I will continue to lose weight and work on my health. I am starting to be a little more accepting of myself and I'm realizing just how lucky I am that I am married to a man who really has always treated me the same, no matter what size I am. I am working on doing the same for myself!
I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Today I was reading Deborah's blog, and she was commenting on "Modern Family" which is my favorite show on television right now. I have to tell you....I am Cameron! As I told Deborah, I don't know how I should feel about identifying so strongly with an overweight, over-dramatic, queen who happens to be a man! But...I do. It's so funny, every time my husband and I watch the show, he's like that is soooo you! Sad but true!
On another note about the hubs, today on his blog he talked about how skinny girls are overrated. He said something on his blog today that absolutely fascinated me, and I quote:
" If there is one thing I have discovered through trial and error.... it is that I love voluptuous women. I earnestly believe that emotionally, physically, and even spiritually that they are just better prepared for life." Hmmm, I think that is a nice statement and I'm sure he feels that way, partly because he is married to a "voluptuous" if you will, woman. However, this woman is striving to be less "voluptuous" and I feel that my emotional, physical and spiritual self will certainly be accessible in a new thinner form. Perhaps the man is jaded, because his ex wife was skinny, but trust me, she would be mean and crazy regardless of her size, this much I know. Just like I am finally coming to the understanding that I will be me, the same me that my husband fell in love with, just a little less of me and perhaps a more confident me. Anyway, it's food for thought.
So....are there any characters on TV that are so you?
It's Friday Eve, yay!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
For me the mess after the Carnival season has always been symbolic of the mess I've made of myself during the season. I always ended Mardi Gras evening overloaded with everything, too much drink, way too much food and in anticipation of the sugar detox I would attempt for lent, I usually ended the evening with a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream, you know....top off that binge with a cherry.
My how things have changed. This year, I'll admit, since my husband outed me on his blog
that I ended the evening with too much drink. But this year I feel pretty good about the fact that I went to many balls, many parties, many parades and didn't gain any weight. I had to wear a ball gown for my ball presentation and for the gala and never once did I panic when I took the dress out about whether or not it would fit me, it never crossed my mind! That to me is amazing and definitely an NSV!
Today, I'm thankful for the calm after the storm of this Mardi Gras and I'm thankful for my band. I want to take this upcoming Lenten season to focus on cleaner eating and getting my exercise back on! I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Monday, March 7, 2011
Duchess representing Snow White
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
Today I seam to have a symphony of noises coming from the intestinal regions, why? What are all of these noises for? Are they normal? They are not uncomfortable, just very noisy!
Today, I ate comfortably with no fear of getting stuck. I chewed really well, I was aware of what I was eating, I did not overeat, I felt completely satisfied after eating, I did not get stuck or puke, it was really nice. So why was my first thought....Oh, I guess I need a fill?
Why does popcorn take me 3 flossings to get rid of?
Why does milk taste so good to me now, when I didn't drink milk for years before the band?
Why am I so thirsty today? When I've had lots of water?
How can one person blow their nose a hundred times and still have more?
Why is chocolate so damn good?
Who was the first person to get banded? How brave did they have to be? I guess almost as brave as the first person to try an oyster.
How can you get so many annoying calls when you're on the do not call list?
What the hell is Charlie Sheen smoking?
Will I ever get below 200? If so, will it be while I'm young enough to enjoy it?
I guess that about sums up what's on my mind today. I hope you all have a great day, it's Wednesday, that means date night with the Hubs, or some modified version thereof...either way, no kids tonight!
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
For those of you interested in seeing more Mardi Gras you can click here and go to our Krewe's website and see pics from all of our events. I hope everyone has a great day today. Thanks for the nice comments on my post yesterday.