BYOC and Friday ramblings

I haven't posted for a couple of days, but wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments on my last post. You guys are the best. I'm doing better now, my sad day didn't last long and now I understand it's mostly hormone related. Oh the joys of womanhood. My official weigh day was Wednesday and I didn't post it, it put me at 22 pounds down in 2 months. I'm happy with that, but on Monday I was 25 down, I hate the scale and it added to my overall feeling of funkiness!


Today, when my husband left for work he said "oh no, you're having one of those days." He said that because I have on my black and white top that resembles a maternity top/mu mu. I had told him before that when I wear this top, it's because I'm having a fat/ugly day. He was very complimentary about my progress and said sweet things. I really am feeling good lately and am happy with my progress, so why am I letting the fluctuation on the scale affect me so? Maybe my fluctuation in the hormone department is what's really affecting me. I want to be closer to my goal and I want to see some real change in my body, I'm still seeing the same old me and I guess I'm just impatient.





Now, for BYOC....





1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why? I would be a daisy: they are not complicated flowers, they pretty much bloom wherever they are planted. They are simple, but can fit in to even the most elaborate arrangements.


2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to? (Thanks Jenny) Well, my girlfriends and I always talk about that, they say Samantha. They are probably right, but I would like to think I'm slightly more evolved than Samantha. I hope so anyway!



3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be? The powerball numbers for a really good week!

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey? I'm afraid that I won't get to my goal, and that if I do get there, I'll be a big ol bag of saggy skin.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why? There were some great ones about changes in relationships, but Judi's post today (http://judifromthismomenton.blogspot.com/) on her mom's death was poignant in so many ways. She and I both lost our mothers at 14. It was just very touching.

LOL!

Yeah, that's me, laughing out loud. That picture was taken of me at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans, surrounded by people I love, enjoying the company and a couple of Hurricanes . That = LOL, not a care in the world, right?

Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I look at that picture and it makes me feel better. If I'm really having a bad day, I watch videos of babies laughing on YouTube, who can resist a baby laughing? I've been working on ways to feel better without using food or drink. Food has been my drug of choice for most of my life. When I decided to have WLS, I was really scared. I wasn't afraid of the surgery or the pain, I was afraid of my feelings. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions without food. I have been in therapy for my eating disorder, I have done 12 step programs, I have prayed, journaled, read every book in the world on how to give up food as a buffer to my real feelings. I have come to the conclusion that had I not had this surgery, it probably wouldn't have happened. So many times in my adult life I have lost significant amounts of weight and really thought that I was dealing with the emotional issues too and being honest with myself...I'd say, "this time will be different, I'm prepared, I've done the head work, I'm ready, I will never abuse food like that again." But then, there I was again, knowing full well that this one candy bar or that one bag of chips was going to be the catalyst for a backslide that I was powerless to prevent. The cycle of success/failure, freedom/guilt was bigger than me. I'm thankful that this time will be different (although, still somewhat skeptical).
I'm thankful that I have the support of my family, friends, experienced band bloggers, newbies and others who are going through the same struggle as I am. I don't think that WLS is a quick fix, Hell, it's hard and the possibility for failure is still there. But this time, I have a fighting chance, this time really can be different. It has been a difficult transition, sometimes I want to be able to eat like I used to, most days I'm darn glad that I can't. Today, I'm having a sad day, and I'm really glad that I can't and won't eat my way through it. I've called my husband and leaned on him, I've reached out to you all and to my sister. I'm feeling sad, but I know it won't kill me, it'll pass and I'll be laughing out loud tomorrow. Thanks for all that you have brought to my life!
Hugs!
T

Stuck!

I had a busy weekend, lots of fun stuff to do. Friday night I went with a group of women to a fund raising dinner, that had a seven course meal, each course paired with a different beer. Well, first course was an oyster appetizer, went down fine. Second course, catfish....stuck. Ouch, no more courses for me.
Saturday, went to a crawfish boil, the crawfish were huge and delicious, I was super hungry....never a good combo. 5 crawfish tails in....stuck...ouch, had to walk around for 30 minutes before it passed.
Sunday morning, I was very careful, that night we went to a graduation party, super hungry....1 bite of a chicken wing...stuck! I thought was going to PB, but didn't, it hurt like hell and I was still so hungry.
I hate that. I understand that it really is operator error. When I'm really hungry, I set myself up for disaster. I try to go slowly and chew well, but I keep getting stuck. I'm really going to have to reassess how I'm doing things. I definitely can say that my fill is working, I'm really losing good this week and I'm so glad, but man....I don't like getting stuck! This week I'm going to concentrate on waiting a considerable time between bites, maybe then I can avoid the dreaded traffic jam.
I hope everyone had a great weekend, my kids are wrapping up finals and will be finished with school on Wednesday, I can't believe it, this year has flown by. I'm looking forward to all that the summer has in store for me and my family. Have a great Monday!
Hugs,
T

This is what I had today...

A big fat hangover!

That's right. Restriction sure is good for less food, but wine...well it just goes right on through doesn't it? And less food, more wine = bad headache and tummy ache the next day.
At least I didn't wake up with my tooth missing or a tiger in my room. Needless to say, date night was fun! We're one day closer to Friday! Have a good one.
Hugs,
T

I hope I didn't jinx Cindylew too!

Yesterday I commented on Cindylew's blog (http://cindylewwho.blogspot.com/) about how lucky she and I were that we've experienced none of the side effects we here others talk about, no PB's, no sliming, no this, no that. Oh what a naive newbie I am. I jinxed myself, how could I think of bragging, just one day after my very first fill?

This morning, I was making lunches for my kids and I was hungry, I had just had my morning walk, so I decided to pop a piece of ham in my mouth....a small piece and I chewed, sort of well.

I swallow and holy stuck batman, not like the stuck feeling I have had before, but a stuck that hurt like Hell! I tried to stay calm and wait til the awful spasm in my esophagus stopped, I took a sip of coffee to help it move. Then.....wait for it.....run to the sink and spew! The coffee almost went out of my nose. And the stuck feeling was still there and, did I mention, it HURT! It took about 10 minutes and then like pop, ewww, I felt it go through the band. Oh holy cow, that was just freaky! I now understand a little bit about restriction. I have a little more respect for the old gal Pearl. And, Cindy.....I sincerely hope I didn't jinx you too! I was starving yesterday and this morning, has anyone else felt super hungry after a fill? Just curious. And thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. I can't say it enough how lucky we are to have such a great support system.

In other news...21 pounds down on my official weigh day! I talked to my Gyno (who is banded) yesterday about the swollen area, she said, that's were they put the band in, she said it looks fine and will take a while for the swelling to subside. I felt okay about that, it doesn't hurt and it looks fine. If it concerns me in a week or so, I'll call my surgeon. And, of course it's Wednesday....date night. Yipppeeee. Have a great day!

Hugs!

T

Got my first fill.

Well, finally after all the waiting, I got my first fill yesterday. I have a 10cc band, that was primed during surgery. I got 2 cc's yesterday. I feel fine, and definitely a little tighter. I had a bite of turkey this morning when I was fixing my son's lunch and, felt a little stuck. That's good.
I definitely have to be more mindful, as I have been pretty loose and have gotten out of the habit of chewing extra good.

I was surprised by the location of my port, which I thought was in a completely different spot than it is. My port is below my belly button by about 2 inches on the left side. I thought it was above my belly button and was a little freaked out by it, because I have this swollen area on the left side of my middle abdomen. I told my doc I thought my port was here, he said no, and grabbed my hand and let me feel my port. I had actually felt it before, but didn't know what it was. I know, I know....I have blond high-lights, does that count? So, now I'm wondering why this other area is swollen, but I didn't ask my surgeon, because...well remember the high-lights?
I do have my annual lady doc appointment today and she has a lap band, so I'll ask her.

I hope everyone has a great day today, I'm glad to have some restriction again and hope it lasts.
Hugs,
T

100 followers? I can't believe it!

Thanks so much to all of you who follow my blog. I never thought I would have 100, that's amazing. If you look back, my very first blog post had the title "If you blog and no one reads it, is it still a blog?" I never thought I'd have this many followers and so many wonderful comments from you guys. Blogging has become very important to me. I feel connected to this band of bloggers and feel so lucky to have such a wonderful support system. I just can't thank you enough. I can't wait to meet some of you in Chicago. What a trip that will be. Have a great Monday everyone!
Hugs,
Tess

Cookie & the Cupcakes / Mathilda / I Cried

If you're wondering why I posted this, see BYOC in my previous post.

As my daddy would have said "that's some good belly rubbin music!"

BYOC

BYOC Friday!!!!! **Bring Your Own Craziness**
It’s another Friday episode of BYOC where we answer just 5 questions (some funny, some serious) in order to learn more about our fellow bloggers whether they are old or new followers. Copy and paste to your blog if you want to play along!

1. If you could be a cartoon character – who would you be and why? I would have to say Josie from "Josie and the Pussycats!" She was awesome, rockin that cat suit, she was smart and she could play the guitar and sing!

2. Who was your teenage heart throb? (Thanks Fiona for this one)Ahhhhh....Vince Van Patten.

He was dreamy, I had a million and one "Tiger Beat" and "Teen Beat" magazines and I poured over them, I knew every detail of what he was looking for in a girl. But, before him, I was equally nuts over Jan Michael Vincent, I guess I like 3 names!

3. Do you believe being overweight is about a mental obstacle or do you believe it’s simply about overeating/food?I definitely think my weight issues began as a mental issue. Food was my drug of choice, but I feel like it certainly became a physical issue with me after I'd spent so much time on the yoyo circuit, it then became both. I used food for comfort and then I lost the ability to really know what my body needed, my cravings became bigger than my will to lose weight. A vicious cycle to say the least.

4. What’s your all-time favorite song? That is hard, but I would have to say "Mathilda" by Cookie and the cupcakes. It's a great song from the 50's and it reminds me of my Mom & Dad, my best friend Cammie and I actually met Cookie once (he wrote me a bad check at my business) and it was an exciting moment, even though he was old, poor and drunk!

5. Whose blog or comment spoke to you/stuck with you this week and why? This is our “you get to be famous for a moment” without having to follow all the rules of an official blog award question. Jacquie's tragic loss of her dad and brother-in-law has been on my mind constantly since I heard the news. What strikes me the most is that we have all been so affected by this and we've never even met one another. The feelings I have for this community of bloggers goes beyond explanation. We are so lucky to have one another and I have gained so much from all of the support here. I feel that Jacquie will surely benefit from all of the support that we can give her at this time. I just (to quote Gen) heart you guys!

Yeah for Friday.

Hugs!

T

P.S.

Since I couldn't figure out how to put Mathilda in this post, my next post will be that song.

Hormonal ramblings and feeling a little blue.

I really need to start tracking my moods better, I used to keep a mood journal, along with my food, but in the spirit of not being obsessive with my food, I stopped journaling food. Anyhoo, yesterday I was starving most of the day, like really stomach growling angrily kind of hungry. Then today my mood is kind of crappy, feeling a little weepy and sad. So, I guess what I'm saying is that I need to try to figure out the pattern here, so I can be better equipped to deal with my craziness when it comes to hormones.

I'm feeling sad, obviously for Jacquie, I just can't get her and her family out of my head. It makes me so sad for her and for her husband, her sister, it's just all so tragic. Today is the anniversary of my father's death, he died 32 years ago. When I stop and think about how much time has gone by, I can't help but get a little overwhelmed. My dad was a great man, I loved him dearly, but sadly I didn't really know him. I was 15 when he died. Later on, there were things about him that I could have found out from his siblings, but I was too young to understand that someday I would want to know more about the man who was my father. He was one of 9 children and all but one are gone. My aunt who is still alive is in really poor health and when I see her, she cries when we try to talk about the old days. It's sad.

I'm proud that I have taken the steps to get healthier and hope that my children and I will get to know each other in a way that I see my friends knowing their parents. At 15 I did not comprehend what the loss of my parents really would mean to me in 10, 15, 20, 30 years, how could I, I was a child. But today, I remember my dad, he died on Mother's Day which for some reason really helped me cope, since I felt like mom and dad were finally together and well.

Those that we love are such a gift, I'm so blessed to have such a wonderful family and such a great community of friends here! Have a great day, it's almost Friday.
Hugs,
T

Please keep Jacquie and her family in your thoughts!

Oh my, my heart aches for our blog sister Jacquie (http://jax0120.blogspot.com/) and her family. Tragically her father and her brother-in-law were killed in a motorcycle accident yesterday. I cannot imagine the pain that she and her family are in right now. Her husband was there and had just gone through the intersection were the accident occurred. Please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers. We never know what is in store for us and the ones we love. My wish for her is that she find comfort in knowing how very much we care about her. Big hug and lots of love sent to Jacquie.
T

Mother's Day was great!

This is my little family. This was the picture on our Christmas card last year, it read "Stayin afloat" we were out of our home still after flooding from Hurricane Ike. My children are the boy in the white striped sweat shirt( he's 13) and the boy sitting on top of the boat in black (he's 16). The other two are my step children he is 19, she is 14. I love being a mom, it has always been what I am proudest of and what I feel defines me. I'm so very proud of my boys. Being a step mom has been very rewarding too. We have had our moments, but we love each other and I know that we are a family now and nothing can ever change that.



I had a wonderful weekend, the kids waited on me, they showered me with gifts and they truly made me feel very special. I'm lucky, I have a wonderful husband and great kids. Yesterday we spent the day with my siblings and all of our kids. We had boiled crawfish and they were delicious.



I forgot to post my weight loss last week, how did that happen? Anyway, I'm down 20 pounds and ready for my fill next week. I hope all of you who are Mothers had a special day yesterday.



Oh, one other bit of news, I spoke with Miss Vickie this weekend on the phone in case you don't know Vickie yet you can check out her blog (http://thequeenbeeslapbandlife.blogspot.com/). Anyway Vickie is my roommate for Chicago, I'm so excited. She sounded really sweet and I know we are going to have a blast. When I first spoke, she said "Awww, you have a cute Southern accent!" That made me laugh, because of course I think I sound completely middle of the road. Just wanted to share that, I am really excited about meeting all of you gals. Happy Monday!

Hugs,

T

Bring your own craziness, ala Drazil:


BYOC Friday! For any of my new followers this means we answer 5 questions you wouldn't normally blog about – some fun, some serious – in an effort to get to know each other better. You’ll see BYOC blogs all over blogland today so join the party if you wish!


1. Do you have any nicknames? (Thanks for this question Joey)• Yes, my given name is Theresa
so, people call me Tessie (which is also my stage name and alter ego), T-Rose, T, Miss-T, Mom and my dear husband calls me sweet mama.

2. What was your “last straw”? The incident/situation that made you decide to get a lap band or commit to losing weight via any plan this time?(This is for anyone on a weight loss journey and is from Heather who will recently be lap-banded.)• Well, when I started this lap band journey I was about 40 pounds from my heaviest weight, I had previously lost 80 pounds and was on my way back up again. When I was at my heaviest, my last straw moment was very clear: My 2 young sons and I were on our 2nd week of evacuation after Hurricane Rita, we were at a shopping center and when I got in the car, I thought my purse was behind me...sadly it was my back fat, I freaked out and my youngest son said Mom, don't worry, we're in Houston... and begins singing this cheesey jingle for the Texas Lapiroscopy Center (Dr. Spiegel knows what you're going through....at the Texas Lapiroscopy Center!) I could have died. That prompted my last big Weight Watchers loss, this time I just realized that I did not have it in me to lose a big chunk of weight again only to gain it back. I was completely worn out from the struggle, so I was having lunch for my sister's birthday with a big group of girlfriends, feeling like crap, looking like crap and I just decided at the table and announced it then, that was in October 09. So that day I called the Bariatric Center and read Amy W's blog for the first time the rest, as they say, is history, 5 months later I got my Pearl!


3. What’s your favorite joke or funny story? (This is from Sandy – she needs some laughter to start the weekend and requested this one.)* I don't have a real favorite, but I'm a big fan of the ever popular blonde jokes. (no offense to my light haired friends) In a high school civics class, they were discussing the qualifications for becoming President of the United States. The requirements are pretty simple. The candidate must be a natural born citizen and at least 35 years old. A blonde girl in the class piped up and began complaining about how unfair it was to require the candidate to be a natural born citizen. In her opinion, that made it impossible for many qualified people to run for the office. She went on and on, wrapping up her argument with "What makes a natural born citizen more qualified to be President than one born by C-Section?"

4. If you could be a TV dinner – what flavor would you be?* I would be a delicious chicken pot pie!


5. The question we do every week so everyone can be a little famous without having to do an official blog award….what blog or comment stuck with you or spoke to you the most this week and why? Well when I was having my melt down about having my fill canceled, Cindylew's comment made me cry....she said I was gracious and grown up. That just made me feel, well a little of both. I was seriously moved by the amount of comments I got in my moment of sadness. Thank you all so much.

I hope everyone has a wonderful Mother's Day weekend. You guys are the best.
Big Hug.
T

Thanks for all of your support!

Thank you so much for all of the wonderful supportive comments yesterday. I appreciate you all more than you know. I feel better today and am going to look at this in a positive way. I was apprehensive about the fill so this gives me a little more time to assess the need. I do have restriction still, as yesterday I was a little upset and a little too hungry at lunch....stuck. Man that hurts. So, I know my band is there. I know that this is for the rest of my life. This year I have to embrace a little patience. So, Pearl and I are okay with waiting a little while for a fill.
I hope everyone has great day. Again, thanks.
Hugs,
T

No fill for me!

I just got off the phone with my doc's office and no fill for me! Sure, I cried...but I'm okay now.

My fill was scheduled for 3:45 today, I have a visit from an IRS agent at 2:00 today. There is an emergency with a bariatric patient from a small town 2 hours away, she is in need of emergency surgery so they wanted to move me up to 2:00, no can do. My doc is out all next week, so no fill until May 17. The receptionist was so nice and apologetic, I know if it was me in need, I'd want to be seen no matter who was waiting on a fill. So, there you have it. I'm not sure, but I don't think I'm finished crying about this.

In other news, tonight is date night. That trumps a pity party any day.

Happy Wednesday!

T

Fill er up please!

The receptionist called me and moved up my fill appointment by one day. So, I get a fill on Wednesday. She said that my Doc likes to do fills on Wednesday, in case you are too tight. That made me feel pretty good that he wants to make sure you can get in to see him if you're overfilled.

I am feeling a little conflicted about getting a fill. I am feeling so good and am losing at a decent rate. I feel like if I make good food choices, I'm satisfied easily and stay satisfied. I am getting hungrier between meals, but that too is dependent on what I'm eating. I'm really afraid of being too tight. I have read some blogs were people think that PBing and sliming are a right of passage. I have no desire to go there! And I definitely don't want to have trouble with my water. I drink lots of water and want to continue with that.

So, those are my feelings about the fill. I believe that I need one, but I'm just scared. I hope it's uneventful and that my weight loss will speed up a little.

I had a wonderful weekend, filled with good friends and a little too much wine, but a good weekend indeed. Happy Monday guys.

Hugs,

T