He slices, dices, grills and thrills...

And now, he blogs! My hubby has really started a blog....check him out here. I think it'll be fun!

Thanks for all the support.

Big Hugs!

T

Pearl is pissed!

That's right....my band is irritated with me! It all started on Sunday. After a night of fun and cocktails. I woke up Sunday and knew that I was very tight. I drank water and it was slow going down, but I went to the grocery store and then my husband wanted McDonalds (cure for a hangover). So, I got a chicken nugget happy meal, this was at 12:30, I had been up for a while. So, I eat one nugget really slowly and a couple of fries and I'm stuck, stuck bad. I get sick and later on drink a glass of milk. Later that day we go to a Super Bowl party and I got stuck on a sausage ball, I get sick there and then have to walk to my house because I realize this is going to be a bad one. I wretch for a while, feel better, go back to the party, drink a little wine and just take it easy. Later on I'm able to eat a very soft meatball and some crab dip. I feel better.

Then, yesterday I take things really slow, I have scrambled eggs for breakfast, I have some shrimp for lunch all goes well. I have a meeting and get home kind of late and the hubs has fixed supper. I have one bite of chicken and I'm stuck bad. I try to wait it out, but I can't. I get sick 3 times before it's all said and done and I'm in pain. I feel like someone has punched me square in the chest and stuck a knife in the middle of my back. I eventually have a glass of milk and go to bed. This morning it's irritated bad. I got up to use the bathroom this morning and had a sip of water and got back in bed, no go, the water would not go down. So.....I hear you Pearl, you can shut up now, I promise to be good today and tomorrow and for however long it takes to make you happy! This morning for breakfast I had 1 cup of split pea soup, lunch was mashed potatoes and I have the fridge stocked with protein shakes at work, so there. I hate when I do this. Pearl can be a fickle thing, but she's usually quite forgiving, I guess she figured I needed to be taught a lesson. Okay, I got it!

I hope you all have a wonderful day! Thanks for the sweet comments on yesterday's blog, by the way, my husband does read my blog sometimes and he had trouble getting through the door yesterday his head was so swollen after reading all of your wonderful comments about him. He said yesterday he was thinking about starting a blog of his own to talk about what it's like living with a banded person. I think that's a great idea and that he should. What do you think?

Ya'll be good!

Big Hugs!

T

We had a ball...

at the Ball!

The one on the left is last year and the one on the right is this year. You can't really see my dress that well, but I loved the neck line and I really felt good in the dress, and we had a great time to boot!

The weekend was fast and furious. We were so busy with social obligations. Friday we had a dinner party, Saturday a Mardi Gras Ball and Sunday, the Super Bowl.

We had a really good time at the ball on Saturday, they Royal Court costumes were incredible. The theme was "A night in Paris" and the Duchesses had powder wigs and gorgeous gowns. It was fun. Many of the women had their faces painted and elaborate feathers in their hair, it was really cool!



I love all the festivities of the Mardi Gras season, next weekend we have a cocktail party and another ball. Then we have 2 more balls and and two brunches to attend. I'm telling you I'm feeling a little tired and ready to just rest for one weekend or so. Whewww!



Any way, I had a great time. On the way to the ball, we stopped by a drugstore to pick up some mints and my sweet hubby went in the store all dressed up in his tux, looking quite dapper, I might add. When he got back in the car, he said the lady who checked him out looked so tired and saddened by life, he said that he bet she'd never been to a Mardi Gras Ball and then he looked at me and said we're so lucky, we really have a great life. It made me so happy to hear him say that. He's right too, we do have a great life. I'm so lucky to have found that man, even on my worst hormonal days, I do know how lucky I am.

Have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T

Got a few things on my mind...

I don't know to express all that's moving around in this head of mine. So, I figure I'll just start...this might be kind of random, but so am I.

I feel good. I mean really good. It's nice to not have a lot of aches and pains each day when I get up in the morning and equally nice to go to bed at night with out feeling like I'm old. I know I need to exercise but I am having a real aversion to getting up early and actually doing anything but drink coffee at the moment. My hubby has been really good about going to the gym in the morning. I feel like his efforts are benefiting me through osmosis, since we do sleep together. That's my story, I'm sticking to it.


I cleaned out my car yesterday and I had a pair of jeans in it. The jeans had been there, because they fell out of my suitcase when I was digging for something back in October, I know I should have done this sooner. In any case. These jeans are a size 20. I wore them to Ohio when my husband and I went for his mini class reunion. I was down 45 pounds at the time and the pants were a little loose on me, but still wearable. I also had some 18's that fit me pretty good. Okay, since then 3 months have gone by and I have have barely lost any weight. I have lost 7 or 8 pounds, depending on what day it is. But this morning I put those pants on and I was blown away by how big they were on me. I am wearing a size 16 jeans right now and tops in a regular XL all the way to a 14 depending on the top. I can't believe that 7-8 pounds could make this kind of difference. I have heard bandsters say repeatedly that you may not be losing weight but things are changing and you're losing inches. I must say I've always thought that was horse shit, but I am a genuine recipient of that phenomenon right now, and who am I to question it. Either way, I'm telling you that in the last few days I have seen a real difference in the way I look to myself. It makes me feel good.

Tomorrow night my husband and I are going to a Mardi Gras ball. Last year when I was getting ready for this same ball, I did not feel so good about myself or the event. I had a new outfit, a size 3X skirt and a size 18 top that was so freaking tight I could barely breathe, the one saving grace was that there was a jacket that went with the top that was sort of flowing and it covered a lot. But this year, I have the outfit and I'm excited about wearing it. I can't remember the last time that I was really excited about wearing anything to any event. Clothes have for the last couple of decades been a source of stress for me, because I feel like when you're really heavy, people are judging you and that in order to look good you can't feel good too. So much girdling so much pushing and prodding, hell, it's exhausting. I'm so excited that I have an outfit that I think is pretty, that I feel good in and I feel comfortable in it too. That to me is a huge victory.

My husband has never said anything negative to me about my weight. The only thing he has ever said is that he loves me and wants me to be happy, that he hates to see me feeling bad about myself and that he wants me to lose weight if that's what I want. He fully supported me having weight loss surgery, he has always told me that he loves me and he thinks I'm beautiful. He fell in love with me fat, he married me fat, but I've always felt like he was lying when he said those things. I would never tell him how much I weighed, I would never tell him what size I wore, as if suddenly having proof that I was heavy was going to make him come to his senses and haul ass. I've been really unfair to him on many different occasions, because I have let my feelings for me cloud my judgement when it came to his feelings for me. He has never wavered, it's just been me doing the flopping around, one day feeling good, one day feeling bad. What torture we put our men through when we struggle with body image and self appreciation. As a woman, there are so many times when I have said the words, "I just want to be appreciated!" I have been asking those around me to give me something that I couldn't give myself, appreciation. I knew deep inside of me that I was the same person on the inside regardless of what my outside was like, but that was only a half truth. I'm not the same person on the inside anymore. Suddenly this exterior transformation, though it's not complete, has changed me on the inside. It has allowed me to appreciate myself now and as I was before. It has made me see just how much the man I love, has loved me. He has loved me in varying degrees of fat and fit and varying degrees of crazy and sane. He has done what I couldn't do for myself. I'm finally seeing what I couldn't see before. The changes have taken place, some small some big, some meaningful, some not so much. But the things that resonates with me today is that last year when he stood next to me in my outfit, he thought I was beautiful and he told me that, and because I felt badly and I wasn't happy with me, in my mind I labeled him a liar. So, today I'm going to make a real effort to appreciate the nice things he says to me. I'm going to be kinder to him and to me. And when he looks at me before the ball and tells me he thinks I'm beautiful, I'm going to say thank you and I'm going to take it for what it is. The man who loves me and thinks I'm beautiful, telling me so.

Told you there was a lot of stuff going on in this head of mine!
Have a wonderful weekend.
Big Hugs!
T

I found a dress!

Well not a dress but a skirt and top! Yay!!! I can relax now! So, here's the story. I left work determined to go find a dress. I went to this little shop that I hadn't been to yet and they had this long black number that looked pretty good in a size 14w, so I took that and the 16w to the dressing room along with a gorgeous top that was burned velvet in the most magnificent colors and a couple of cocktail dresses just for fun. I tried on the 14w and it was way too big, that was the smallest they had, so then, I tried on the burned velvet top, I need reading glasses to see anything up close, because....well I'm 48! I did not have my reading glasses, when I grabbed this top, but thought it was an XL. I tried it on and the shell fit fine, it was kind of stretchy. I tried the jacket part on....and look, it was gorgeous, I could have worn it if I didn't want to dance or say, move my arms all night. I took it off and thought damn.....that's the tightes XL I've ever encounterd, then I got my glasses out, it was an XS! I was laughing out loud in the dressing room, when I walked out there were 3 ladies standing there looking my way, it was interesting.



So, then I go to Dillards and I'm going to find a sales girl to come to the dressing room with me and I'm going to see if that size 14 dress will zip all the way. I go to find the dress and when I do, I see all of these tops on a rack marked 70% off. First let me explain, that I have difficulty shopping in the Misses section or the "regular" section of a store. I get very panicky and feel like an impostor. I feel like at any minute someone is going to come grab me by the arm and lead me back to the big girl section. So, I was nervous even standing there. There were some beautiful tops, I tried on several and found a black velvet one with a purple portrait collar that is beautiful, a plain ol XL, no less, not 1X and from the regular section, and it was on sale for $30.00! Yahoo! Then I went to the the "Upscale Consignment Shop" and got a long black velvet skirt (get this, I know it doesn't count, because it's stretchy but in a size 12) for $40.00! So, can you believe it? I got outfitted in style for just $70.00 and I absolutely love the top! I promise to take some pictures this weekend and post them.

Next on the list of things to talk about is the weather. They canceled school today and tomorrow in our town because of the freezing temps. I know you guys up north must be really laughing, but it's cold for us southerners and it's been raining and sleeting. I work for a trucking company and just got an e-mail form DOTD saying that the bridges are starting to ice and they will be closing roads soon. So, I'm all set, I have plenty of wine and firewood!

I hope you all have a wonderful day.
Big hugs!
T

I'm bad at the awards thingy!

And I'm terribly sorry for it. Today I see that Lori nominated me for a blogger award too. I've had a few people nominate me and I've been terrible about doing the questionnaire and nominating others. I truly appreciate you thinking of me. I'm just really bad at returning the favor. Today I decided I would do that, and started going back through my blogs and can't find who I need to thank. I'm sorry about that, when I have a little more time, I will do that.

Still no dress for the Mardi Gras ball this weekend and I can't leave work today to go shop. I guess I'll go tomorrow and just hope for the best. Tonight is date night. I'm excited about spending the evening with my hubby. We have fun together and I owe him a good night out after last weekend and my crappy mood. I'm looking forward to the whole weekend of celebrations and fun, I just hope I can find a dress.

I hope you all have a great day. It's very cold here in the deep south, it feels more like the deep freeze. Nothing in comparison to all of you poor folks who are buried in snow. I hope you warm up soon. Take care.
Big Hugs!
T

Quick post...

Howdy friends. Just a quick post to check in and say thanks for all of your support and understanding. You guys always make me feel better. So did a good night's sleep. I took a Benadryl and slept like a baby.

This morning when I weighed, I saw 212 flash on the scale, then it went away and went back to 214. This has happened before and always means that it's coming. I'm so close to weighing less than my husband, by like a pound, I can hardly stand it.

I need another dress for a Mardi Gras Ball this weekend. I just decided last night to try on the outfit that I planned to wear and it's too big. So, today, I took a couple of hours away from work to go shop, nothing fit me in the plus sizes! I couldn't believe it. I found a couple of things that fit me, but nothing I was crazy about, I'm going to shop a little more tonight and if I can't find anything I love, I'm going to get this velvet skirt that I found and hope to find a top that will fit me. I'm excited that I've shrunk, but I find it hard to believe, because the scale has not moved at all lately. I actually tried on a size 14 dress and it fit me, of course it had a full skirt, but I can tell you it's been at least 22 years since I was able to fit into a size 14, that felt really good.

I hope you all have a great day, it's cold down south, supposed to be in the 20's in the morning. We went to bed with the air conditioner on last night, crazy!
Take Care!Big Hugs,
T