The man in the shed...

Many of you follow my husband's blog , so I don't have to tell you that he's a funny guy. His blog today about the Man Shed was particularly funny to me, especially when he commented on my subtle hints when he spends too much time in his shed. He is a good man and a wonderful husband to me, even when I'm all Lifetime televisioned up with the drama. And I know that he needs his space, on most days I'm glad he has a place to go and unwind. One of the things about John is that he is very good at articulating his feelings, I mean for a man, and he has helped me in that area as well. I was married to a really needy man before and John is anything but that. My ex couldn't do anything with out consulting with me first. When I married John, I mistook his manly ways for aloofness. I felt that since he wasn't following me everywhere, that he must not love me. When in fact he loves me enough to let me become the person that I want to be. He encourages me to do theatre projects,the variety show I do in the summer, even if it's a logistics nightmare with all of our kids, he encourages me to explore my artistic talents and he's proud of me when I do my thing.

When I fell in love with John, I had never experienced a mature love before, not one that was based on respect and mutual admiration. I was in a very broken marriage and so I spent the greater part of the first half of my marriage to John, second guessing him and waiting for the other shoe to fall. I spent a lot of time and money on therapy trying to heal some of my brokenness so that I wouldn't lose this second chance that I'd been given.

The man is infinitely more patient with me than I am with him. When I talk to him about something that's bothering me, he doesn't get defensive, he listens before he talks (unlike his wife!) We have only been married for four years, but I can't imagine being married to anyone else. I feel like we've been together forever. That's the way it should be. I'm a lucky woman.

Big Hugs!
T

It's definitely Monday!

Hi guys. I had a good weekend, lots of activity and fun times. And then, today I'm back at work, trying to stay focused, when I get an e-mail from the girl in my Attorney's office. My ex-husband is being a real jerk, still fighting over child support issues and well, it just really makes sad. He just sues me for everything and now is trying to hold me in contempt for something that is just plain stupid, but, stupid or not... I still have to pay a lawyer to take care of it and it still stresses me the hell out! I hate when things like this happen, I get stressed I get tight and I get stressed and I want to eat, it's not a very good combination.

On a happier note, this coming weekend is a big Mardi Gras event, one that I have had to keep secret. I will share with you what it is when it's over. I'm getting nervous and excited. I hope everyone had a nice weekend. I did, it was very busy. I'm ready for a little down time. Take care.
Big Hugs!
T

I feel validated

I do! Thanks to all of you. It's nice to know that my struggles and insecurities are not mine alone. I love it when a reader says they feel the same way about something as I do. It's nice to feel so much support. There seams to be a commonality among women and men who have weight loss surgery. I think that it's a pretty drastic solution to a struggle that must certainly be very long standing, in order to get to the point of surgery. That is certainly the case with me. Years and years of yo yo dieting, feeling helpless, hungry, angry and just plain tired of doing something that I knew would lead me right back down the same path as before. I can't adequately express how liberating it feels to believe for once that reaching a healthy goal weight and staying there is a real possibility.

Although I have been feeling exposed as I talked about in my last couple of posts, I realize that these changes that I'm experiencing are normal and the discomfort is a necessary part of personal growth. I want to incorporate all of the physical and emotional changes I'm experiencing and ultimately emerge as a stronger more confident version of myself.

I know I have much work to do and a long way to go. I'm glad I don't have to go it alone. Again, thanks for sharing the journey with me. It's Friday folks, another weekend of Mardi Gras Madness, I'll share details on Monday!

Big Hugs!
T

Exposed part 2

Thank you for the wonderful comments from yesterday's post. I'm feeling better today and I truly appreciate all the insight that you have given me. I know I'm not alone here and it means so much to me. Even my hubby mentioned my drama in his blog today!

After reading your comments, I started really thinking about why I'm feeling the way I am and why the changes in me can be perceived as negative. Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter:

• When I was really big, I was much more of a people pleaser. It was very important to me that people like me. Now, I still want to be liked, but I feel like if someone doesn't, it's not the end of the world.
• When I was really big, I was more over-the-top. I always felt like I had to grab people's attention right away and keep them wowed with my wit and charm so that they would somehow miss out on the fact that I was huge!
• When I was really big, everything was really big...my earrings, my hand bags, I had a bit of a shock factor I suppose, even when I look back at pictures of myself, I realize that I'm being goofy in nearly every picture. I don't feel the need to be the clown now. Now I think I blend in better.
• When I was really big, I felt it my duty to be on point and funny at all times, now I think I'm still funny, but when I'm not in the mood to be the "life of the party" well then, I'm just not.

After writing this, I realize that I really have changed. I think perhaps now, I'm a little truer to myself. I'm excavating the real me. It's not easy for me and I'm certain that It's not easy for the people around me. It's all a learning process. I feel very fortunate that I have you all for support and guidance. To those who've been through this stage and for those who are approaching this stage, it's nice to know we are in this together.

Have a great day !

Big Hugs!

T

Feeling Exposed!

That's right! I've been noticing lately that the thinner I get, the thinner skinned I get too. Getting banded, losing weight, learning to cope with stress without being able to binge has been a very difficult and challenging part of this journey. This is something that I thought I was prepared for, but I suppose I really wasn't.

I find that my feelings get hurt even more easily than before and that can be bad for those around me, as I am very tender-hearted to begin with. I've always cried easily too, now I find that I don't cry about the same things I used to cry about, now I cry about things that are more personal, rather than a commercial or a greeting card. Not that I'm any less touched by those things, but it seams that I have a little more control over those emotions, however, when it's personal I get hurt more easily.

Now here's the hard part for me. As I get smaller, I feel exposed, less protected than I did before. I take things more personally, I feel paranoid that people are talking about me negatively, that they are judging me. I feel like I've lost a layer of protection from the cruel world. My excuse for everything has been my eating disorder, my fat, all those things that have held me back. Slowly those things are changing. Change is hard.

Last night I had a friend tell me that I've changed, that I am not the person I used to be, that I used to be full of life, spontaneous and fun and always ready to go at a moment's notice. This friend and I go way back, we have been friends through some really difficult times in my life, my divorce, 2 storms, and the consequent displacement, the blending of mine and my husband's families. I have changed. Those things change a person. I'm different too, in that I no longer have my go-to stress relief, the almighty binge, my thick and thin forever friend is no longer my companion. I have had to learn how to cope without it and not replace that with something else destructive. It has been hard and I guess my friend is right. I'm not the same as I once was. How do I learn to incorporate this change in me? How do I salvage relationships that are dear to me without sacrificing myself? How do I become the person that I've been avoiding for so long? How can you be assured that people will still love the you that comes out on the other side of this journey?

I keep saying it, but change is hard.

On a lighter note, it is Wednesday, halfway through the work week.
Big Hugs!
T

Recap of the weekend...

I hate this picture, but my husband was acting like a fool, making goofy faces, so all the ones that I look okay in, he looks like he has an IQ of -50!
This is my sister and my bestie.

The Royal King Jean Luc XXXII

You really can't get the full glory of this, but the guy in the tutu is a friend of ours and he was the sugar plum fairy in a mini "Nutcracker!" It was so funny, he's a big dude to be in a tutu! I have yet to figure out how to place pictures within the text of a blog, so everytime I write a blog and then go back to add pics, they are on top...please excuse!

Howdy folks, Happy Valentine's day and happy Monday! I hope you all had a nice weekend. I did, although it was crazy busy, filled with Mardi Gras Madness and according to my husband, one "batshit crazy episode." Let me give you a quick recap of the weekend.

Friday night we had a cocktail party for one of our Mardi Gras Krewes. We were asked to join a group of people on a party bus, it's a Greyhound type bus that has been converted to a party bus, with disco lights, leopard carpeting and even a stripper pole. We got on the bus and went to a couple of real hole in the wall bars for drinks, then on to the cocktail party.

Saturday we went to a pre-ball cocktail party at a local casino and then on to the ball. One of our good friends was the King of that Krewe, so it was quite exciting to be in the King's party. Our friend the King, is a cardiologist, and an avid blackjack player, so we went as playing cards, the king of hearts. It was really fun!

Sunday morning, we had the King's brunch, it was amazing, wonderful food, a jazz band and great fellowship, only downside, I was stuck and sick for most of it.

Here is my new theory. Last weekend I had a similar experience. We had a Mardi Gras Ball to go to. The night of the ball, I was able to eat just about anything I wanted to, I even ate a sandwich on thick bread. I drank pretty much and overall, had a wonderful time, and did I mention, I was able to eat well.

The very next morning, I wake up, tighter than tight. I take it really slow, but get stuck on the first thing I try to eat, that day ended up being a day of total stuckness, and puking. The same thing happened this weekend. Saturday night, I'm able to eat and drink without even feeling like I have a band and then the next morning, slammed shut! When I got to the brunch, the food looked amazing, they had Eggs Benedict, Grillades and Grits, lots of wonderful Louisiana brunch foods, Mimosas and Bloody Marys, yum. When we got there, I had a Bloody Mary and ate a bite of the olive and I'm talking, stuck. I had a couple of sips of the Bloody Mary and it burned like hell, I tried water, it was all just piling up. I finally went to the ladies room and got sick, I ended up getting sick three times before it was all said and done and had a day of not being able to eat anything. My theory is this.....When you eat like a pig on Saturday, you're gonna pay like Hell on Sunday, I'm just sayin! I wonder how many more of these times it will take before I learn my lesson!

In other weight-loss related news, I have not seen movement on the scale in well over a month, other than the typical fluctuation from morning to night and the slightly up on Monday morning thing. However, I have clothes that fit me last month that I can't wear now. It's bizzarre. I don't really understand it. How can things change without the scale moving. I also have noticed the change in my body that I noticed a couple of months ago before a nice loss, I got really squishy....I know, it's sounds terrible, it is....but it's the truth, I'm squishy, I hope that soon I will have a shift in things and get some scale satisfaction.

I guess that about covers things, I hope you all have a wonderful day! And, I'm blown away that I have 200 followers, thank you so much!

Big Hugs,

T

The man stole my mojo!

That's right, my husband stole my blogging mojo. He even admitted it to me last night. It's really gone to his head that he has 35 followers, and one (Read) professing love for him. Hell, Tina even wrote about him on her blog. It's funny, that yesterday I sat at my computer to write a blog entry and....NOTHING, nada, zilch. I had nothing, I found myself saying: "Self, you have in-house competition, you better make this interesting!" Then of course I came to my senses... I think I'm pretty clever at times, especially after a couple glasses of the vino, and I've been told I'm funny. However, I met my match when I married John, that man is funny and can tell a story like no other, we have friends who request the same story over and over again, not because they want to hear the story, but because he's so freaking funny and cute and extremely animated when he tells it! So...in case you haven't' figured it out, we have some pretty good times over at our place. Tina's husband (the man in the chair) has a blog too, mostly about food. He's not the most consistent blogger, but he's funny. I started following him yesterday, which brought his total followers up to 2, so he did a celebratory post, it was cute!





I have a totally busy weekend ahead of me. Tonight a cocktail party for one Mardi Gras Krewe, tomorrow a costume ball for another Mardi Gras Krewe, Sunday the King's brunch for the first Krewe, whew....I'm tired just talking about it. Tonight we are riding on the party bus to several bars prior to the cocktail party. I hope my liver can handle it.





In band news, I'm doing much better, not stuck yesterday....I'm actually about to call my husband to tell him I need a fill, that will be worth a giggle.





I'm excited about BOOBS 2.0, Vickie and I will be roomies again this year! I can't wait to see everyone again!





BYOC....sort of....here's my version:

• I love Fridays, hate Mondays.


• My middle name is Rose (first name Theresa). Named for a saint and a flower!


• No tattoos, no plans to get any.


• Total of 2, 1 hole in each ear


• Blogland, my hubs started a blog, BOOBS 2.0, fun!


• Real life: Mardi Freaking Gras!

I think that about sums it up. Thank you all for the support, the wonderful comments and for embracing my hubby's blog. I think it's really cool that he is sharing his point of view. He is a wonderful source of support for me in all areas of my life. And, he is indeed quite patient, one would have to be to live with me. Have a wonderful weekend, I'll post pics of the festivities next week!

Big Hugs!

T