Thanks y'all!

Thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. I appreciate them very much. The picture I posted was a comparison from 2 years prior and this year. So, there is a 60 pound difference in them not 5 pounds... I forget that some people haven't been following my long drawn out journey the whole time, lol! Anyway the fact that I haven't lost more than 5 pounds to speak of since last year at this time is a big deal to me in a couple of ways. It's a big deal, becaue...well, I've essentially stopped losing weight, short of my goal and it's a big deal, because...well....I didn't gain any weight last year!! Woo hoo! For me to say that is amazing. Even in the years when I lost lots of weight on a serious diet, I always in the course of a year started gaining the weight back. So, this 5 pound loss is a good thing for me and something I need to be kinder to myself about. That being said, it's time for me to formulate a plan to get the rest of this weight off. As I told you guys, I've been working with a guy who's doing a program for WLS patients, and he is going to help me figure out what's holding me back emotionally. I do believe that the fact that I haven't gotten to my goal weight has more to do with my head than my body. I know I have some hurdles to overcome and this is the year that I plan to overcome them. But, this year I plan to overcome them with kindness and understanding. I no longer want to berate myself for having fallen short of a goal. It's time for me to recognize the goodness in where I am right now, fully appreciate how far I've come, make an honest assessment of what I want for the future and map out a plan to get there. I know that I can get there without being cruel to myself and without suffering too much. I'm thankful for this community of support. You mean so much to me.
Have a great Wednesday!
Big Hugs,
T

Mardi Gras...again!

Hey there! How are you? I hope all is well. I've been busy, but things are good. It's Mardi Gras again down here in Louisiana. So, carnival season is in full swing. I've been a little bummed out, because I thought last year at this time that by the next year I'd be at my goal weight, but here I am just about 5 pounds from last year at this time. I dug up a picture from 2010 and did a comparison, just to make my self feel better about things. I have to remember that I have come a long way and I do feel much better about myself. I wore a size size large dress to the party and I really no longer feel like the biggest thing in the room anymore. It's funny how I've settled into my body at this weight and it has now become a new heavy for me...when I first got to this weight, I really felt thin, it's all about perspective.

The one on the left is John and me in 2010 and the one on the right is us on Saturday.

I have been really struggling with a tight band for about two weeks, but now things seem to be better. My band is so strange, hormonal fluctuation and stress of any kind really does a number on me. I was about to go get a total unfill on Monday and then suddenly, it's all good. Strange!

My birthday is this month, I'll be 49. As I approach the final year of my forties, I have so much to be thankful for. I am without a doubt, in better shape than I was at 30 or 40 and my goal is to be even better at 50. Approaching 50 is so interesting, there are many things about myself that I really, truly like. Although I'm still hard on myself and struggle with self esteem. I'm much more comfortable with myself than ever before. I'm extremely happy with my marriage, my husband is a dear man...he treats me with respect and kindness every day and he is patient beyond words. This morning he was grumbling about going to work and I said, I'm sorry you have to work so hard and that you have so much responsibility taking care of our family, he just laughed and said, I love taking care of you. And you know what? I believe him. That in itself is amazing. When he tells me he loves me and thinks I look good, I think he's telling me the truth.

I've come a long way baby (to quote the old Virginia Slims commercials) and even though I have a bit farther to go, I feel good about the progress. I've tried to be kinder to myself this year and I have. As I start this new year and reflect on the last one, my goal for the year is to get to goal. Although I'm not sure if that entails losing 30 or 40 pounds yet, but I'll know it when I get there. And...I want to turn my thought process around. I will spend the year learning a new way to think. As far as a word for the year, this sounds strange but my word is SHIFT.

SHIFT, defined: To exchange for or replace by another; to change the place, position or duration of. So....my intention for 2012 is to shift, shift my weight, my attitude and all that comes with it. I hope you all are having a great start to the year.

Big Hugs!

T

Here we go....

Okay folks, I'm still alive. Thank you for still following me during my little lapse here. I have so much to say, but am not sure how to organize my thoughts with so much rattling around in my head, so...I'm going to start first with the things I learned about myself through the extensive personality testing I did with the "life coach."

When I took the personality test with the him, I learned somethings about myself that I think are contributing to my overall crap storm of emotions. I learned that the aesthetic portion of my attitude ranking was off the charts, I am motivated by the arts, music, creative expression, the second thing that is my biggest motivator is the social aspect. These things I have known about myself, I also know that I am not a competitive person, I am a team player and don't have a need or desire to be in charge. There were two areas of my personality that he pointed out to me that were in the low range, he said that in all the time he has been doing this, he has noticed a trend....that women who are low in these two areas are often in abusive relationships. I found that to be so interesting and so true of course, as I was in a very long abusive marriage. He also pointed out that the thing that fuels me, that gives me energy is conversation. I know that to be true as well.

One of the things I specifically wanted to talk to him about was my shortcomings when it comes to goal setting and achieving goals. He's a very interesting man who is very perceptive and he just really pointed out some things to me about that inner critic that I struggle so much with. He asked why I don't have daily goals and I told him, because I've never been good at setting goals, that I don't generally reach my goals and so, setting goals only makes me feel more inadequate. He did a survey with me...and very long story short, said that there are lies we tell ourselves that evoke a feeling and if we can pinpoint when we started feeling this way and telling ourselves these lies, that with practice, we can change the physical reaction to that feeling. For instance, he said that when you first learn that something is hot, you may have touched it to realize it, when you did that, your hand recoiled and it registered in your brain that hot things will burn you. The next time you encountered the hot item, your arm did not recoil and you did not yelp or feel like you were in danger, you just didn't touch it again, you filed it away and you had an appropriate reaction to it. But, if you struggle with self esteem because when you were five someone said you were fat, you told yourself that was true, you did not learn to just file it away appropriately. You're likely to be able to feel that feeling again and again and you have to retrain yourself to know that you're not in danger and that once you do that, with practice, you can do that with lots of negative feelings.

He's showing me how to break my day down into manageable moments and how to get good at setting goals and keeping them. He really made a lot of sense and I know there are things he can help me with. He can help me stay motivated at work and with my weight loss goals. I have lots more to talk about, but that's enough for today.

Now...he wants to help 5 other people, so that he can gather data for his project and get feedback from others like me. So, if you're struggling to get to the end of your journey or if you've back slid a little and need some help and if you're not afraid to do a little digging into your feelings. He's willing to do it for free, if you're willing to share your results, the test alone is a $300.00 value. If you're interested, please let me know, leave me your email address and I'll be in touch. I can only take 5.

I hope you guys have a great day. Big Hugs!

T

Reluctant Blogger!

I don't know what's going on with me, but each day I sit down at my desk, ready to compose a post...and nothing. I'm just not in the mood to blog lately. I have been reading yours and each day I wait for inspiration, but nothing. I apologize for my non blogging.

Christmas was great. We had a wonderful time with our family. My hubby got me a Kindle Fire, LOVE it!! And I got lots of wonderful things. John was sick though on Christmas Day and on Monday and wasn't able to have dinner with us or anything, it was terrible. He's better now, but it was an awful stomach bug, what a way to spend the little bit of time he gets off.

I have lots to tell about the meetings with the life coach I was telling you about, but that will be a long post, so I'll have to do that one later. Our kids are doing well, we are enjoying the time off from school. And today is our 5th Wedding Anniversary. I can't believe it's been 5 years. John brought me lunch at my office today and he said, I can't believe it either...it seems much longer. Then he said, really, I feel like we've always been together. What a sweet heart. I have so much to be thankful for. He's a very patient and wonderful man, he has put up with a lot of crap from me! Poor thing! But all in all, I think we've done pretty darn well. I'm happy and so glad I'm married to him!

I did not even try to eat well over the holidays, I just enjoyed myself. I threw up several times, so I felt like it wasn't as bad as it could have been, but....Oh the sweets!!!! I'm up 4 pounds....Oh well, I don't think it's going to stick for long. I was telling my son last night, that when I was really fat, nearly 300 pounds, I could eat cookies all day and night, gain 15 pounds and never feel any fatter than I did the day before, but now that I'm just "less" fat, it's a whole different story. If I eat badly one day and go up a pound....or 4...Holy Cow, it feels like 40 and I'm not joking. I'm so ready for the New Year, I love the fresh start, the commercials on TV about all the latest exercise and diet items...it keeps it in my mind more. I'll leave you with a pic of me an my sweet hubby. I'm a lucky girl! If you're reading John, Happy Anniversary...I love you!

Happy Wednesday All, and Happy New Year!
Big Hugs,
T

A quick post!

I'm sorry guys, but I suck at blogging lately. I've been really busy and quite frankly a little unmotivated. This is a crazy time of year for everyone. I thought I'd share a couple of cute pictures of my boys on Ugly Sweater day at school.

This is my youngest on the right, check out the goofy face and our neighbor is the other boy.

This is my oldest son and couple of his friends.

I'm hoping that with the new year will come some new inspiration. I had my first meeting with the life coach and will be meeting with him again over the weekend. It was very informative, I think it left me with a better understanding of what motivates me, and I'm looking forward to him giving me some advice on how to implement some changes in the near future. I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet! Oh Lordy, I guess I'll be busy this weekend. I hope you all are doing well, I'm reading... Take care!


Big Hugs!


T

The other members of our family.

Hey guys, hope your day is going well. I've introduced you to my family on my blog many times over, but just realized that I've never introduced you to the four-legged members of our family. So, here's a quick post to show you the two dogs in our family. They are my step dogs, they were part of the package when I married John, so I've been their Mama for 5 years this month.

This is Jessie (affectionately referred to as Cujo!) She is a Dachshund, Rat Terrier mix....trust me, that is a bad combination. She is very, very territorial and protective of me! John can't kiss me without her going crazy on us! She's a very smart dog, but definitely fierce. Anytime we have guests, she has to be put in her kennel.

And this is Runner Dog! The sweetest dog on the planet. I kid you not. You cannot not fall in love with this dog. He is so sweet. He's a mixed breed and we don't know the combo, but we like to say he's a Cha-wiener, because I know he's got Dachshund in him and Chihuahua too. He loves to snack, and sleep and be loved on....I adore this dog!

So, while thinking about these wonderful creatures today, I realize that the dogs are representative of my mood swings...my "split personality" if you will. Ha, I really can be sweet, but I can also be Cujo.

Hope you have a great day!

Big Hugs,

T

Hey y'all!

Well, hey there! How's it going? Ive been absent for sure from my blog, but I've been reading yours and trying to get some inspiration for a blog post. Since inspiration has yet to come, I figure I'll just give you a quick update and a few pics. So, here goes:

• We hosted my office Christmas party last Friday at our house. It was fun, we had a great turn out. This Friday , I'm hosting the Christmas party for the club that puts on the Variety Show I'm in each Summer. The following weekend we are hosting the Hubby's office party. Busy, busy!


• My baby turned 15!!!! My oldest will be 18 in less than 2 weeks. I'm feeling a little old!


• I'm on day 4 of my new thyroid meds. I'm still feeling about the same though.


• Yesterday, it was 72 degrees here, today it's expected to freeze! Crazy weather!


• I cut my husband's hair at 4am today...WTF?


• I think my funk has lifted. I'm feeling pretty darned good right now!


• My weight is still the same. Some days, I feel really good about myself, some days, not so much....so things are pretty much the same!


• I haven't done any Christmas shopping yet!


• Today, I finally gave in to the crave for a McD's egg nog shake. It was not worth it. But it is definitely out of my system now!

I guess that about covers things. I'll leave you with a few pics from the office party.

I hope you guys are doing well. I'm not too worried about the holidays. I'm hoping to start losing again, but we all know it takes more than hoping!

Take care,

Big Hugs!

T

Me and my oldest son, my youngest went to his girlfriend's house instead of coming to the party, I guess he's really growing up!

My sister, my step daughter, me, my two nephews (poking their noses in from behind)
and my brother. In case you didn't know I work in my family's business.

And finally, the hubby and his daughter....too cute!