Friday's Letters

We can give this a try:

Dear Ex-Husband,
 I hate summer visitation schedule.  The week that the boys are with me goes too quick, the week they are with you feels like an eternity.

Dear Current Husband,
 I love you, and I'm so proud of you for sticking to  your diet this week, even when work is so overwhelming.  You've helped me eat better this week too.

Dear scale,
 Thanks for today!

Dear Band,
 Make up your mind!

Dear Negative People,
 Snap out of it!

Dear rehearsal schedule,
  Please don't interfere with my family too much!

Dear House,
 Get ready to be cleaned!!

Dear Friday,
 What took you so long?

Dear Blogland,
 Thanks... and... Big Hugs,
 T
 

Sad....

Hey guys, how are you?  I hope all is well.  This has been a really sad week.  One of my dear friends lost his battle with cancer this week.  SJ has been my friend for more than 25 years.  I often speak of the variety show I do each summer.  SJ has been in that show since it's beginning, 40 years ago.  He was my Duke on our Mardi Gras Court and he was a special person.  He only found out he was sick 6 months ago.  He had Pancreatic, Liver and Lung cancer.  It was tragic.  SJ is the second cast mate from the show to pass since the show last summer and we have another cast mate who is battling cancer right now.  It's times of loss like this that make you realize how fragile life is.  I mean the picture of us singing karaoke was taken 3 months before he found out he was sick.  As I attended the funeral services and visited with his wife and kids, my heart just breaks for them and what they must endure.  I hope that I never have to experience the loss of my husband.  I think about our Barbara and all that she has been through.  It's just tough. 

I start rehearsals for the show next week, my buddy won't be there to sit with at rehearsals, to go over lines with and to practice our songs together.  But, I will always treasure the fun times we had when he was here and he was healthy. Rest in Peace, SJ!

 me and SJ singing Sonny and Cher!

When we were Duchess and Duke...good times.

I'm looking forward to the weekend.  I hope you have a great day.

Big Hugs,

T



Perspective....

Happy hump day! I'm so glad that this week is half over.  I'm ready for the weekend already.  Thanks for all of your comments on my last post.  I'm constantly amazed at the great support system we have going here.  As part of my "reaffirming my vows" with the band, I've been trying to really think about the helplessness I felt before I was banded.  I was at my sister's house Sunday and we were looking at old photo albums.  I was shocked to see this picture of  myself from Christmas 2004.  I'm so happy that I'm not there anymore, in so many ways, emotionally, physically...just in so many ways, I'm so much happier now.  I think it's important to keep our eyes toward the future, but also important not to lose track of the past. 

Have a great rest of the week,

Big Hugs!

T

A word about being too tight.

Hey there, happy Thursday.  I hope all is going well with you.  Thanks for your sweet comments on my pity post about my phone and all.  And Kristin, yes I'm up for a challenge, I think that's a great idea, I'll message you on FB.

Now...on to an interesting topic.  I have struggled with my band a lot over the past year, being too tight, too loose and then tight again.  It's been 9 months since I had an adjustment and most of the time I think my fill level is just right, I am the issue.  I always was one to push the limits.  I do this with my band too.  I don't particularly like this about myself, but I must be honest and say that when I have an issue, 9 times out of 10, it could have been avoided, if I had been more careful or more mindful of my band and it's nuances.  Anyway, last year I had to get a little unfill because I was really struggling....I looked back on my blog trying to find a time-line of things and I was shocked by how long I had let things go being way to tight.  I then read my post about the unfill and the sheer excitement I felt being able to eat and drink, and how much better I felt immediately after eating real food.  Right after I got that unfill I went to the Dr. for my yearly blood work and found out that I was B-12 deficient and anemic.  I know that at that time I was not getting the proper nutrition, I wasn't really taking my vitamins either, because it was such a struggle to take medicine.  This year I went for my yearly blood work and everything was good, I was a little deficient in vitamin D, but everything else was great.  I'm taking a long time to explain all this, but anyway....I was malnourished.  About 7 months ago I noticed this divot in my thumbnail right at the quick it was a a horizontal crater looking area and I thought maybe I had jammed my nail and didn't realize it.  But now that it's grown out, I realized that there is a horizontal divot on all of my fingernails in the exact same place.  When I went for my blood work, I showed my Dr.  he said they are called Beau's lines and they are an indication of trauma to the body, like if I had a Scarlet Fever or a heart attack or took chemo therapy.  Obviously that has not happened, he said it also shows up in people with malnutrition. Hmmmm.  My nails are looking healthy now, but here is a picture of one of them and you can see the Beau's line that will soon make it to the end of my nail.



I was really shocked by this.  I was especially shocked that I could be malnourished and not lose any weight at the time.  I really do care about my health.  When I got the lapband, I did it as much for my health as I did to look better and feel better about myself.  I remember reading blog after blog while I was researching the band and when I read about people who were obviously not doing what was best for them, I was judgmental and I thought to myself..."I'll never be one of those people, I would never throw up and then try to eat again....I would never eat bread if I knew it would make me sick...I would never do this, or do that."  Well, well, well, after 2 years, I have to honestly say that I've done just about everything that I thought I wouldn't do.  I have let my food addiction rule me and I have made choices that were not in my own best interest.  I've started reading some of my old posts, trying to get a feel for the way I was feeling back then, the honeymoon is definitely over, but I am still in love with my band.  It's just time to re-affirm our vows, or something of the sort.  I saw the interview with the David the 650 pound virgin who lost so much weight and has now put on 250 pounds again.  I see myself in him, I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't had WLS.  It's just so easy to fall back into old habits.  I had my yearly lady doc appointment today and when I weighed in, it was 210, that's 5 pounds above my lowest since banding.  I can do better than this.  I need to do better than this I want to lose at the very least 30 pounds before my 50th birthday.  In order to do that I need to eat better foods.  I need protein in my diet, I have never done protein powders because I thought I should be able to get the protein in my regular diet.  I'm thinking I should try it for a while.  So, I'll take suggestions from anyone who has a favorite.  So, there you have it in a nut shell...I've been hanging out at the same darn weight for about a year, I've not been treating my body well and it's time that I make some changes.  You read it here first folks.

I'll leave you with a cute picture of me and my boys from Easter Sunday.  The river behind me is denial!  Have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T



Started out pretty bad...

but then it got better.... here is a bullet point summary of why.

• Saturday was a great day, we had a huge karaoke party at our house....I drank way too much wine and woke up with a terrible hangover on Sunday....the worst I've had since I've been banded.
• When I woke up with said hangover, all I wanted to do was eat greasy food and drink lots of cold water.  STUCK like a truck on everything, thus began the day of Hell.  I'd take a sip and PB and then try to eat something and PB again.  I was miserable.  So, since then, I've been on a very soft diet trying to let my band settle down and love me again.
• I did not sleep well Sunday night, so that added to my overall crabbiness, so last night at 7:30 pm I took one Tylenol PM and I've been in a drug induced coma-like state all day.
• This morning I couldn't find my sunglasses, and I was huffing about the kitchen, when I turned quickly in front of the sink, my IPhone flew in the sink full of water.
• I started crying. My sweet husband grabbed it quick and dried it off. I was sad.
• When I got to the office I realized there was no sound on my phone and I could only text.
• Things start to get better though.  Sweet husband repeatedly checks on me to make sure my day is getting better
• Then I got a new phone today...I got the new IPhone and Siri is possibly the best thing that could happen to someone like me who is nearly blind and can't see to text! Yay.
• I got a new purse, and sunglasses too, because I was so pissed that I couldn't find my glasses and that my phone flew out of my purse!
• I thought that all my stuff wasn't backing up when I synced my phone and I was stressed that I might lose my photos, but I didn't and all is right with my world.

In other news.  My weight is still hanging about the same.  I'm still holding on to 4 or 5 pounds from Mother's Day....who'd have thought that it would stick? I sure didn't but it appears to be very happy.  I don't see how, when I have days that I barely eat.  I will blog tomorrow about some issues that come along with an ill-adjusted band and plans to get the rest of my weight off before I turn 50...oy!

I hope you all have a great day.  As I said mine started out pretty sucky, but it's much better now.
Take care,
Big Hugs...
T

A quick check in...



Well, ready or not, Summer is here.  School's out and I'm excited to report that all of the kids survived finals and have advanced to the next grade.  I will have 2 seniors and 1 sophomore in the fall!  The year flew by.  And, I'm happy that we don't have to study and worry about school, but I'm not so happy about summer visitation.  My boys go to their dad's for 7 days straight, every other week during the summer.  I miss them so much when they are gone.  Sad face :((

In other news, my band has been nice to me, I have had a really good restriction level, and when I do PB, it's always user error.  So, that's a real blessing.  My weight is still up from the Mother's Day gain, I don't feel like changing my ticker yet though.  I guess if it sticks around much longer, I won't have a choice. 

My youngest son is a guitarist and he has waited all year to audition for show choir, freshman cannot be in the show choir.  Anyway, he's been preparing a medley of songs to showcase his talents and he auditioned yesterday...and YAY!! He made it.  I'm so happy for him.

Here is a cool picture of him playing his guitar...ready for his album cover, ha ha!

I'm so glad that it's Friday and a long weekend at that.  My poor husband has been working his butt off.  He has a new schedule at work and works most days from 3:30 am til about 3:00 in the afternoon, but his assistant was out yesterday and today, so he's working 3:30 til 5:30 or 6! I don't know how he does it and stays sane.  Anyway, I'm really looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.

I hope you all have a great one. And let's take time to remember why we have the day off on Monday, all those men and women who fought for our freedoms.  Happy Memorial Day!

Big Hugs,

T

Anyone know what day it is? I don’t have to tell you – do I? Fine. Fine. It’s FRIDAY!!! That means it’s time for Drazil's BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer five little questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!!


1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I was raised Catholic.  I love many things about the Catholic Church, the tradition, the theatrics, the predictability.  It has been my home since childhood.  My parents were very devout.  I credit the church and my mentors from the church with my survival when I lost my parents at an early age. I went to Catholic school for 12 years.  My children have always been in Catholic school.  My children are altar servers, and we go to church, but not every Sunday.  When I got divorced, and remarried, I was told that in the eyes of the church I was still married to my ex husband and that my current marriage wasn't really a marriage, that technically I was living in sin.  I personally don't need the churches approval for anything.  I know that I am now living with a man who treats me in a way that my God would want me to be treated, which is very much unlike the other man I was married to.  I am not bitter, I still like the church, and I love our church community.  I am glad that I was raised with the stability of my parent's faith and think it's important for my children to have the same stability.  I'm not great about that, but I'm not terrible either... they are good boys and they are faithful.  I have a rich spiritual life and don't think it has to fit in any particular category. 

 

2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

So many candies....so little time! I love best of all...Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, they are the bomb.  I love chocolate, I love it all! I love dark chocolate with sea salt, Reese's....hell, it's no coincidence I had to have WLS!

3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

I don't like to garden, my husband has a green enough thumb for the two of us. 

4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?

 I have no desire to get a tattoo. There is not a saying that I would want to have on my body....but pretend that I were a tattoo person....it would likely be...."The acts of this life are the destiny of the next" or..."The party starts here!"

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

I've been struggling with the truth about my weight gain, feeling guilty and trying not to eat my way through the guilt.  My son and step-daughter had their Junior ring ceremony at school, gulp! We had the spring football game.  Finals are in full swing.  My youngest will audition for Show Choir next week, I'm nervous for him. And... Joshua Ledet our little home town American Idol got voted off last night and I'm not too happy about it.  I will live though. 

Wheww, that's about it....I'm soooooo ready for the weekend.

Hope yours is great!

Big Hugs!

T