BYOC and Friday ramblings

I haven't posted for a couple of days, but wanted to thank everyone for the kind comments on my last post. You guys are the best. I'm doing better now, my sad day didn't last long and now I understand it's mostly hormone related. Oh the joys of womanhood. My official weigh day was Wednesday and I didn't post it, it put me at 22 pounds down in 2 months. I'm happy with that, but on Monday I was 25 down, I hate the scale and it added to my overall feeling of funkiness!


Today, when my husband left for work he said "oh no, you're having one of those days." He said that because I have on my black and white top that resembles a maternity top/mu mu. I had told him before that when I wear this top, it's because I'm having a fat/ugly day. He was very complimentary about my progress and said sweet things. I really am feeling good lately and am happy with my progress, so why am I letting the fluctuation on the scale affect me so? Maybe my fluctuation in the hormone department is what's really affecting me. I want to be closer to my goal and I want to see some real change in my body, I'm still seeing the same old me and I guess I'm just impatient.





Now, for BYOC....





1. If you could be a flower, which one would it be and why? I would be a daisy: they are not complicated flowers, they pretty much bloom wherever they are planted. They are simple, but can fit in to even the most elaborate arrangements.


2. Which Sex and The City Character do you most relate to? (Thanks Jenny) Well, my girlfriends and I always talk about that, they say Samantha. They are probably right, but I would like to think I'm slightly more evolved than Samantha. I hope so anyway!



3. If you had a crystal ball or could know one thing about the future - what would it be? The powerball numbers for a really good week!

4. What's your biggest fear in your weight loss journey? I'm afraid that I won't get to my goal, and that if I do get there, I'll be a big ol bag of saggy skin.

5. Repeat question: Whose blog or comment spoke to you the most this week and why? There were some great ones about changes in relationships, but Judi's post today (http://judifromthismomenton.blogspot.com/) on her mom's death was poignant in so many ways. She and I both lost our mothers at 14. It was just very touching.

LOL!

Yeah, that's me, laughing out loud. That picture was taken of me at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans, surrounded by people I love, enjoying the company and a couple of Hurricanes . That = LOL, not a care in the world, right?

Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I look at that picture and it makes me feel better. If I'm really having a bad day, I watch videos of babies laughing on YouTube, who can resist a baby laughing? I've been working on ways to feel better without using food or drink. Food has been my drug of choice for most of my life. When I decided to have WLS, I was really scared. I wasn't afraid of the surgery or the pain, I was afraid of my feelings. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions without food. I have been in therapy for my eating disorder, I have done 12 step programs, I have prayed, journaled, read every book in the world on how to give up food as a buffer to my real feelings. I have come to the conclusion that had I not had this surgery, it probably wouldn't have happened. So many times in my adult life I have lost significant amounts of weight and really thought that I was dealing with the emotional issues too and being honest with myself...I'd say, "this time will be different, I'm prepared, I've done the head work, I'm ready, I will never abuse food like that again." But then, there I was again, knowing full well that this one candy bar or that one bag of chips was going to be the catalyst for a backslide that I was powerless to prevent. The cycle of success/failure, freedom/guilt was bigger than me. I'm thankful that this time will be different (although, still somewhat skeptical).
I'm thankful that I have the support of my family, friends, experienced band bloggers, newbies and others who are going through the same struggle as I am. I don't think that WLS is a quick fix, Hell, it's hard and the possibility for failure is still there. But this time, I have a fighting chance, this time really can be different. It has been a difficult transition, sometimes I want to be able to eat like I used to, most days I'm darn glad that I can't. Today, I'm having a sad day, and I'm really glad that I can't and won't eat my way through it. I've called my husband and leaned on him, I've reached out to you all and to my sister. I'm feeling sad, but I know it won't kill me, it'll pass and I'll be laughing out loud tomorrow. Thanks for all that you have brought to my life!
Hugs!
T

Stuck!

I had a busy weekend, lots of fun stuff to do. Friday night I went with a group of women to a fund raising dinner, that had a seven course meal, each course paired with a different beer. Well, first course was an oyster appetizer, went down fine. Second course, catfish....stuck. Ouch, no more courses for me.
Saturday, went to a crawfish boil, the crawfish were huge and delicious, I was super hungry....never a good combo. 5 crawfish tails in....stuck...ouch, had to walk around for 30 minutes before it passed.
Sunday morning, I was very careful, that night we went to a graduation party, super hungry....1 bite of a chicken wing...stuck! I thought was going to PB, but didn't, it hurt like hell and I was still so hungry.
I hate that. I understand that it really is operator error. When I'm really hungry, I set myself up for disaster. I try to go slowly and chew well, but I keep getting stuck. I'm really going to have to reassess how I'm doing things. I definitely can say that my fill is working, I'm really losing good this week and I'm so glad, but man....I don't like getting stuck! This week I'm going to concentrate on waiting a considerable time between bites, maybe then I can avoid the dreaded traffic jam.
I hope everyone had a great weekend, my kids are wrapping up finals and will be finished with school on Wednesday, I can't believe it, this year has flown by. I'm looking forward to all that the summer has in store for me and my family. Have a great Monday!
Hugs,
T

This is what I had today...

A big fat hangover!

That's right. Restriction sure is good for less food, but wine...well it just goes right on through doesn't it? And less food, more wine = bad headache and tummy ache the next day.
At least I didn't wake up with my tooth missing or a tiger in my room. Needless to say, date night was fun! We're one day closer to Friday! Have a good one.
Hugs,
T

I hope I didn't jinx Cindylew too!

Yesterday I commented on Cindylew's blog (http://cindylewwho.blogspot.com/) about how lucky she and I were that we've experienced none of the side effects we here others talk about, no PB's, no sliming, no this, no that. Oh what a naive newbie I am. I jinxed myself, how could I think of bragging, just one day after my very first fill?

This morning, I was making lunches for my kids and I was hungry, I had just had my morning walk, so I decided to pop a piece of ham in my mouth....a small piece and I chewed, sort of well.

I swallow and holy stuck batman, not like the stuck feeling I have had before, but a stuck that hurt like Hell! I tried to stay calm and wait til the awful spasm in my esophagus stopped, I took a sip of coffee to help it move. Then.....wait for it.....run to the sink and spew! The coffee almost went out of my nose. And the stuck feeling was still there and, did I mention, it HURT! It took about 10 minutes and then like pop, ewww, I felt it go through the band. Oh holy cow, that was just freaky! I now understand a little bit about restriction. I have a little more respect for the old gal Pearl. And, Cindy.....I sincerely hope I didn't jinx you too! I was starving yesterday and this morning, has anyone else felt super hungry after a fill? Just curious. And thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. I can't say it enough how lucky we are to have such a great support system.

In other news...21 pounds down on my official weigh day! I talked to my Gyno (who is banded) yesterday about the swollen area, she said, that's were they put the band in, she said it looks fine and will take a while for the swelling to subside. I felt okay about that, it doesn't hurt and it looks fine. If it concerns me in a week or so, I'll call my surgeon. And, of course it's Wednesday....date night. Yipppeeee. Have a great day!

Hugs!

T

Got my first fill.

Well, finally after all the waiting, I got my first fill yesterday. I have a 10cc band, that was primed during surgery. I got 2 cc's yesterday. I feel fine, and definitely a little tighter. I had a bite of turkey this morning when I was fixing my son's lunch and, felt a little stuck. That's good.
I definitely have to be more mindful, as I have been pretty loose and have gotten out of the habit of chewing extra good.

I was surprised by the location of my port, which I thought was in a completely different spot than it is. My port is below my belly button by about 2 inches on the left side. I thought it was above my belly button and was a little freaked out by it, because I have this swollen area on the left side of my middle abdomen. I told my doc I thought my port was here, he said no, and grabbed my hand and let me feel my port. I had actually felt it before, but didn't know what it was. I know, I know....I have blond high-lights, does that count? So, now I'm wondering why this other area is swollen, but I didn't ask my surgeon, because...well remember the high-lights?
I do have my annual lady doc appointment today and she has a lap band, so I'll ask her.

I hope everyone has a great day today, I'm glad to have some restriction again and hope it lasts.
Hugs,
T

100 followers? I can't believe it!

Thanks so much to all of you who follow my blog. I never thought I would have 100, that's amazing. If you look back, my very first blog post had the title "If you blog and no one reads it, is it still a blog?" I never thought I'd have this many followers and so many wonderful comments from you guys. Blogging has become very important to me. I feel connected to this band of bloggers and feel so lucky to have such a wonderful support system. I just can't thank you enough. I can't wait to meet some of you in Chicago. What a trip that will be. Have a great Monday everyone!
Hugs,
Tess