Mother's Day Weight Gain!

Hi there! I've been MIA for a little while.  And, sadly the time that I could have spent blogging was spent eating.  My weight is up and I'm not too happy about it.  A couple of weeks ago, we had a little dinner party with friends and we brought dessert, the following day we hosted a dinner party, lots of yummy's and more dessert.  The left overs spilled into the next week and then Mother's Day arrived in a Sea of wine and chocolates and all things fab. Then a graduation party we hosted last night, more goodies and party foods and wine.  So, I indulged more than I should have and well.  I'm paying for it now.  I really thought that the weight gain was not accurate, 6 pounds! Whatever...but guess what, it went down then back up again.  I'm very disappointed in myself and doing my best to get back on track.  I don't feel well when I eat badly, I don't feel well when I'm judging myself harshly.  I don't feel well when I gain at all! Hello...McFly? So, why do I do that to myself?  Old habits die hard I suppose. 

Mother's Day was really special. My husband treated me like a Queen, my boys were sweet too, I was showered with gifts and good wishes.  I love being a Mom, it is by far the most rewarding thing I've done.  I love my boys and my step children and I hope in the end that I do more things right in the Motherhood department then I do wrong. Here is a picture of me and my handsome sons on Mother's Day.

As far as the weight gain goes, I am disappointed in myself, but it is what it is and beating myself up about it isn't going to get the weight off of me.  It's just time to do what I have to to get that off and the other 30 I want to lose.  I have found in my dieting career that quick on is usually quick off...that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Ha ha!

I hope all of you who are Mother's had a wonderful day and I hope you have a great rest of the week.  Today is the Junior Ring Ceremony at my kid's school.  My oldest son and my step-daughter will be seniors! I can't believe it.  Take care!
Big Hugs!
T

Reevaluating my goals...

Happy Friday! Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support yesterday. I've been doing a great deal of thinking about my future weight loss goal and what it is that's holding me back. I've tried to refocus my efforts. I've been reading blogs, watching YouTube videos about WLS successes and generally trying to remember the feelings that lead me to have WLS. I don't want to go back certainly, but I think I've forgotten what it felt like to be so desperate to lose weight. I don't feel desperate anymore. That's a good thing, but I think that I would be more apt do better with my diet and exercise if I was a little more in touch with the feelings of my fatter self. Does that make sense?

I told you I wanted to change my goal to 175 maybe 180. I found a picture of myself from 1989. I was on Weight Watchers, my heaviest at that point was 207, I was mortified, I felt so defeated and so fat, I could not believe that I had let myself get above 200. I joined WW and lost 32 pounds, I thought I looked great and I certainly felt great. Here is a picture of me at 175. 

Once I got to 175, I felt like it was a weight that I could maintain. But my leader said that I would have to get a letter from my doctor saying it was okay, because the top number for my height and my age was 150 pounds. I remember feeling so defeated. I was happy with the way I looked, I felt like I might even be able to sustain the loss. I had worn a 2 piece bathing suit to the beach...and I wasn't embarrassed at all, I was wearing horizontal stripes for crying out loud! But, the news from my leader hurt my feelings so bad, that I just gave up. I remember driving through McD's on the way home....I'll show her! HA! In less than a year I had gained all my weight back plus 15 pounds more. How many times in my life have I punished myself because my feelings were hurt? My doctor would have gladly written a letter for me. I could have said "who cares...I feel good." But instead... I ate, because it made me feel better, I got fatter which made me feel worse, so I ate because that made me feel better, so I would feel worse.... a horrible cycle. So self destructive.

I've been hemin' and hawin' and staying the same, I've been maintaining, because I'm eating too much to lose. I've been eating for comfort at times. I've not been eating protein first most of the time. And, I've NOT been exercising. The thing is....I've been doing all these things and still maintaining my weight, so the truth is, I can make some really small changes and see results. Or if I was so inclined, I could make some dramatic changes and see dramatic results. I'm 23 years older than I was in that picture, I was 26. My body is different now, I don't have youth on my side like I did then, but I definitely have experience on my side. I know how to lose weight. I know how to cook healthy food that is delicious. And I know how to make time for me to exercise. I know where my goal lives, I just have to walk the walk to get there. And while I'm revving up to get there, I need to remember some of the pain that got me to this moment in time, a time that fortunately is pretty painless. I'm well aware that things could be worse. But, I'm thinking they could be a little better too.

Again, thanks for listening!

Big Hugs,

T

Finding inspiration...

Well hi there.  I hope this post finds you well.  I'm once again, a bit of a reluctant blogger.  I read your blogs and keep up.  I just don't feel much inspiration to write lately. I wanted to share with you that I have recently found an incredible blog about a woman who has the vertical sleeve, she's halfway to her goal of losing 300 pounds. You can read about her here.  She is so strong and is doing so well.  When I look at her and read her posts about some of the heart ache she has endured because of her obesity and all of the obstacles she has overcome on her way to health, I'm so inspired.  She's really incredible. 

I had my annual Doctor's visit this week and had my blood work done.  I'm happy to report that my health is great. My weight was down by only 6 pounds since my last visit, but still it was down.  My blood pressure was 100/60, my cholesterol was optimal, my blood sugar was great.  The only problem was my Vitamin D was low.  So, I need to take a supplement and maybe get out in the sunshine a little, ha!  I think my pasty skin will appreciate it.  As long as I don't end up looking like the tanning bed mom that's all over the news.  Poor woman...that is too sad!

My weight is holding steady.  I fully realize that the reason the scale is not moving in a downward fashion is because of me.  I'm just really content right now, it is so nice not to have to struggle...I'm eating like I would imagine a normal person does.  Some days are better than others, but when you average them out, it's not too shabby.  I'm happy. That's something pretty darn big. 

I watched the finale of "The Biggest Loser" online yesterday, I have not been following the show.  But it really is amazing how good some of the people look! Wow! Can you believe anyone could lose 199 pounds in such a short period of time? I don't necessarily agree with the methods and I don't think it's very realistic.  But you cannot deny the entertainment value of it all. 

I have given a great deal of thought to where I really want to be weight wise.  I think that if I was under 200 pounds, I would feel better about things.  But 199 is illusive.  Anyway.  I initially said 166 was my goal, but I really don't know.  I think I want to lose 30 more pounds that would put me at 175.  I'm tall, the last time I weight 175, was 23 years ago, and I looked pretty darned good. When I really stop and think about it, I think part of what's holding me back is that I don't think 30 pounds is going to make that much of a difference, because at the beginning of this journey it was a full 50 pounds before anyone really noticed that I had lost weight at all.  I remember years ago when I lost 30 pounds and got down in the 170's it was a huge difference.  Why am I having so much trouble wrapping my head around that? At this stage in the game, I can honestly say that gaining 5 pounds makes a huge difference in the way I feel and the way my clothes fit, what makes me think that 6 times that won't make a huge difference.  I just need to reassess and get my head back in the game.  I know that success is possible, but I also know that I have to want it and I have to work at it. 

I hope this wasn't too whiny! And I hope you guys have a great day and a great weekend to come.
Big Hugs!
T

What I've been up to lately...

 This is me and my step daughter Emily, enjoying some beautiful afternoon sun.

 My friend Amy and me sitting under the pergola, enjoying wine and lots of laughs.

 My silly youngest son, figuring out what to do with a 45!

 My brother in law and sister.

 My sweet hubby John and my bestie Ginger!

 The gorgeous grapes on our pergola, they provide lots of shade and will make a huge mess when they are overly ripe.

My oldest James and his girlfriend before Prom.

I'm having trouble with the new an improved Blogger, so, excuse the fact that I can't put this text at the beginning of my post. And that it's smack dab in the middle.  OY! Anyway...this weekend was Prom, I cooked for 22 kids and had them all over for dinner before the Prom, it was fun.  It's been a really busy time with the kids and school.  I can't believe that the year is winding down, they only have about 20 days left of this school year.  Then, my oldest and my step daughter will be Seniors! OMG, I'm not ready for that!  Things have been great on the band front.  My tightness has resolved itself and I'm feeling good.  I'm able to eat and all is right with the world.  I'm still holding steady at the same weight.  I guess that's no big surprise.  I'm still waiting for my mojo to kick in, no such luck lately though.  I hope you all have a great hump day!

 This is the whole group of kids.

 My youngest and his friend....the prom pose...they didn't want to be left out, lol!

Finally....I leave you with a pic of the sweetest man and sweetest dog in the world.  John and Runner Dog!

If I don't get around to posting again....happy weekend.

Big Hugs!

T

Things I used to know...

Hi, my name is Theresa and I used to know some things, that I forgot. Today, I'm going to try really hard to remember at least a few of them:

• I used to know that when I'm really tight and struggling that I actually have some power to do things differently. I can choose not to eat solids, no matter how hungry I am. By making that choice, I will not pour gas on the flame...it will get better much quicker without the added irritation.
• I used to know that being hungry, even really hungry...well...it won't kill me, even if I think it will.
• I used to know that the band is just a tool. I have to really do my part or I'm not ever going to get where I want to go.
• I used to know how much I really do love my band. Not just on the days of the month when it decides to play nice.
• I used to know how good it feels to eat food that keeps me satisfied.
• I used to know that I have made real progress.
• I used to know that every time I looked in the mirror I would feel disgusted and ashamed and I used to know what a wonderful feeling it is to no longer be disgusted!
• I used to know that one of the things on my list of reasons why I wanted to get banded was to wear a football or track shirt to my son's events and not be out of place. I actually wore my son's shirt to the last 2 events...a plain old size large. I used to think that would feel divine!
• I used to know that I would get to my goal no matter how long it took me.
• I used to know that I was worth the effort.

These are the things that today....I know I'm going to work on knowing again. Thanks for all the support guys, it means so much to me. I think this must be the 2 year itch and it's going around. It's time for the 3 year slide into goal! I hope you have a great weekend. Things are much better on the band front. I'm not feeling so tight. I'm able to eat better and that always makes me feel better.

Big Hugs!

T

Mary...present, Sue...present,

Theresa....absent! I have been such a negligent blogger. I'm wondering if it's time to try blogging about something other than my band and weight loss journey. I'm still here. I'm struggling right now with band tightness again. I'm afraid I'm going to have to get an unfill again. I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself actually because I'm struggling to eat. It's all about the hormones. I started today, so I know the tightness will ease up, but I threw up so much over the weekend, that I start to freak out and think that I've done some permanent damage to my band or my esophagus. Does anyone else start getting like that too? I'm just really afraid to gain any of my weight back and my last unfill, even though I just got 1/2cc out didn't seam to last that long, I was tight again in about a month. So, I'm open to suggestions. I'm literally only too tight about 9 days out of the month, other times, I feel fine or even too loose. You see my dilemma. I feel like this weekend was the worst episode ever of tightness though. I'm so sore and irritated. Today I've just done soup and mushies, I'm really going to try to give myself some time to heal. I just get so hungry when I can't eat and I feel sorry for myself, and when that happens, I want to eat! Oy!
Other than that, things are good, Easter was really nice. I'm still reading even if I'm not blogging.
I'm still ever grateful for all of your support!
Big Hugs!
T

2 years banded!

2 years post op 60 pounds down.

An old before, my sister just found this picture of me and shared it with me...

what could make me think flowered pants were a good idea?

Howdy! First of all, I'm having technical difficulties today, I can't get a side by side thing going with my pics, blogger won't let me write above my pics, it's making me mad. But anyway, I am glad I got my band. I'ts been 2 years on Sunday since I was banded. Here are a few bullet points to summarize my time with the band:

• It really was a good decision for me, I'm glad that I took this step.
• I thought that I would be 100 pounds down in one year, that did not happen for me.
• My first year I lost 55 pounds, the second year, I bounced around a lot and lost a total of 5 pounds. Is it what I thought would happen? No, but I'm still happy that I did not gain back any weight in the second year.
• I am stubborn and it has been a real adjustment learning to make peace with my band and learning my limitations. Very challenging.
• I have a 10cc band and only have 2.5cc's in it. Most days I think I'm too tight even though my last adjustment was an unfill.
• When I see pictures like the ones above, I realize how far I've come and I'm really pleased. Other times, this is the new heavy for me and I have trouble concentrating on the positive and really just think about the fact that I have more to lose.
• My skin has held up pretty good. I'm 49, so I'm no spring chicken, but considering how much I have lost and gained over my lifetime, I think I don't look too scary.
• One of the best things to come out of getting banded is that I've met some of the most amazing women. I went to Chicago twice and really consider myself so lucky that this little piece of plastic brought so much to me!
• I no longer have to scoot my butt all the way over to adjust the seat in my car and I can fit in the patio tables at one of our favorite patio spots. The list of NSV's are long and 60 pounds, well that aint too shabby either.

Thank you all for sharing this journey with me. I'm looking forward to getting to my goal weight, whatever that might be. I do know, that I'm not there yet, but I'm not that far off. I hope you all have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T