Wow, what a Christmas!

I survived the holiday. My boys are back home with me, we had 16 people for Christmas Dinner,and more friends dropping in after dinner. The first guest arrived at 12:30 pm and the last guest left at 11:30 pm. All in all it was a wonderful day. We had terrific food, great wine, great company, wonderful gifts and I didn't gain 10 pounds over the holiday. I did really well food wise until yesterday at my friends house, I ate 5 salted caramels! I just couldn't help myself, so...today I'm doing the "day after too much sugar, jonesing for more thing!" I know that if I just stay away from sugar today, tomorrow will be better. I can't believe how different this Christmas was from last year. I enjoyed myself as always, but this year, I went to bed with a clear conscience, no wishing I had a stomach pump. What a great feeling, even after the 5 caramels from yesterday...they totalled 350 calories, a little guilt inducing, but a far cry from the binges of Christmas Past! I love Pearl. What a great feeling to have the Holiday be about the actual Holiday rather than the food and my guilt about the food. My sister gave me some old pictures from Christmas a few years back, OMG...I cannot believe that the picture is of me! I'll share when I have a chance to scan it. I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas, I'm looking forward to 2011 and all that it holds. Have a great day!

Big Hugs,

T

8,760 hours ago...

My how things have changed in a year. I just read an old post from a year ago and I can't believe the change in me in one year. Sure, there have been some physical changes, but the emotional and mental changes are what I am most proud of right now. Just a year ago, I felt powerless when it came to my food issues. Last year at this time I was really dreading Christmas, because it represented another day of uncontrollable eating for me. The holidays were filled with cookies, pies, all things decadent and then followed with a giant helping of remorse. The cycle I was in was so painful and so destructive, but I just couldn't seam to get myself out of it. When I read that post, I can say that I remember how kind everyone in this community was to me, how much support and understanding I got from everyone and how I felt (although I was afraid to say it) a glimmer of hope. I remember playing out in my head what it would be like to have the surgery, what my life would be like. One of my biggest fears was giving up my way of life, I was so dependent on food for comfort. I remember reading one of Catherine's post about her friend saying to her before surgery, if you really want to change things, you're going to really have to change things... so simple and so true. The way my life was last year was not working for me. As scary as it was, I'm thankful beyond expression for this change in my life. I no longer feel hopeless or helpless. I feel quite empowered, and I feel like I will get to my goal weight and I will stay there, what a blessing.
Thank you all for the part you have played in both my decision to have WLS and my ability to be successful. At this wonderful time of year I'm so thankful for the second chance that I have been given and for the wonderful friends I've made along the way. Merry Christmas!
Big Hugs,
T

PS
Did I mention I finished my Christmas shopping yesterday?!?!

I'm finished with my shopping!

Oh Holy Cow! This is indeed a rare day, first a lunar eclipse and now...I am finished with my Christmas shopping! (insert radiant beam of light and a choir of angelic voices hear!) I must say that this never happens before Christmas Eve. But on this day in December in the year 2010, I declare that I am done!

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night!

Big Hugs,

T

Recap of the weekend

John grilling the steaks, yummm.

The pergola and deck area, looking festive.

John and I as Santa & Mrs. Claus

The party was a success, everyone had a great time and the food was wonderful! Once again, it's Monday and I feel like I haven't had a weekend, I'm worn out. Christmas is coming quickly and I have lots to do to get ready. Dinner is at our house this year and as you probably have figured out, we love to be the hosts!

Here's my recipe for crab & corn bisque for those who asked. Warning, this is not a low cal dish, but it's fabulous.

2 bags frozen corn

2 pounds crab meat (I like claw meat rather than lump)

1 purple onion

1 bunch green onion chopped

3 gloves of garlic chopped

1 tablespoon chopped sweet basil

2 sticks of butter (I told you so)

1/2 cup of flour

1 pint half & half

2 cups milk

4 oz. cream cheese

In a large pot saute onions and garlic in 1 stick of butter until onions are clear, add corn and saute until thawed. Add crab meat, cream cheese half & half and milk, cook on a low. Now take the other stick of butter at room temp and sprinkle flour over the top of it on a plate, take a fork and press the butter and flour together until it is mixed together well, add this to the soup and continue cooking on low heat until corn is tender, season to taste. If the bisque is too thick for your taste, add more milk.

You can lighten this bisque up, but when I'm serving it to guests, I got for the full fat, decadent version, it is amazing.

I hope you all have a wonderful week. Big Hugs.

T

Love me some Friday!

I do! I have a very busy weekend ahead of me, but I'm excited. Today my husband and I were Santa & Mrs. Claus at school, it was fun and a role we've done before. I hope to have some pictures to post soon. This weekend I have to do some Christmas shopping to do, but first things first. I have to clean my house tonight because tomorrow is my husband's office party at our place. My boys go to their dad's today until Christmas Eve at 9:00 pm, that bums me out, but I'll be so happy to see them on Christmas. The holidays are always hard when the boys are gone for a long period of time. My routine is so tied into their activities that I feel a little lost without them.

I'm excited about the party tomorrow, we are going to have some wonderful food, I'm making a crab bisque, and the side items, my husband is grilling the steaks and boy does he do a good job. I feel like I'm about to have a good loss, I've been holding steady for the last couple of weeks, but I feel it coming, I hope this weekend will bring me to a new low. This is new territory for me and it's pretty exciting. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. I'll post pics from the party soon.
Big Hugs!
T

A little food for thought.

First of all, thank you for your sweet comments about my pictures yesterday, you really make me feel great! Last night I went out with the girls for a friend's birthday celebration. We went to an Italian restaurant that I love and I got a glass of wine and asked a friend if she would share the shrimp appetizer with me. This is a girl that I really like, we have great conversation every time we are together. She is a writer, who just got a publisher by the way, and writes for a local health magazine. I kept telling her to eat up, because I would not be able to eat more than 4 or 5 shrimp total. She, being a journalist, starts asking me questions about my relationship with food now. She asked me if I still enjoy food, since I can't eat very much. It told her that I think I enjoy food more now for several reasons. First, I don't feel badly when I eat something, even if it is high calorie, because I can't eat very much of it, I am much more satisfied with food now, and since I don't eat that much, I don't waste my time on something that doesn't taste great to me. Also, I told her that my eating disorder was a binge disorder, it was always more about the quantity of food than the quality of food or even the taste, because when I was in the midst of a full on binge, I really don't recall enjoying the food at all after the first couple of bites, in fact, every binge ended with me feeling ashamed, disgusted and having to sleep it off. She then asked me if food grossed me out now. I said, not at all, I still like food and appreciate the art form of well prepared and beautifully presented foods, however, I do get grossed out when I see people taking huge bites of food or really large amounts of food. In fact, for me to go to a restaurant with a buffet is down right painful, I get thoroughly grossed out. Who'd have ever thunk it, right? I mean a buffet for me, used to be what dreams were made of.

I feel really lucky to have been given a chance at a normal relationship with food via the band. I'm so grateful that my insurance paid for the majority of my surgery cost, that my husband loves and supports me and was willing to explore this option with me. When I look at that picture from my Christmas card last year I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. I was so completely unhappy about my weight last year, it was such a struggle and I really did not have it in me to attempt weight loss again on my own. I felt so defeated as if no matter how much weight I lost I would never be able to live life on the other side of the diet. I just feel like finally I have the tool that I need to have long term success achieving a healthy weight. What a wonderful feeling.

I have a big weekend again, my husband's office party is at our house on Saturday, I'm excited and will start my preparations tonight. I'm behind on Christmas shopping, but that's nothing new. So, I hope everyone has a great day, again, thank you so much for your support and kindness.
Big Hugs,
T

A Christmas card comparison.

click on the picture to make it bigger.

Okay folks here it is, the one on the left is last years Christmas card (I scanned it, so excuse the grainy look) and the one on the right is this years. I have to say I really do see a difference in me. Last year at this time I was miserable, I was unhappy in every outfit I put on, I was hoping to be banded in January and met with one delay after the next. I remember my poor husband looking at me with fear in his eyes one night and asking me what I would do if I couldn't get the band. I looked at him and said, "jump off the bridge!" I was only half joking.

Getting the band has changed my life so much. I feel in control of food for the first time in decades. My hips and back don't hurt, my feet don't hurt, I have more energy, I sleep better and I think I look better too. I can only imagine what the next 50 pounds will do for me.

Merry Christmas Y'all!

Big Hugs,

T