Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Ch Ch Ch Changes... also know as the pity party!

Howdy Peeps! I'm still alive, still here, still in a bit of a funk, still 50.... By the way, this week is the first time that I've actually felt old.  I don't like it.  Maybe I'm experiencing a bit of post birthday sadness, maybe it's because so much is changing in my life, maybe it's because some things are not changing, but I'm just kind of feeling...well...I don't know a good word for it, sad or out of sorts.

Like I said, things are changing.  I went to a senior meeting on Monday, and suddenly the fact that two of our kids are going to graduate from high school in 3 months and begin the next phase of their lives, hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband is making a big career move.  My ex-husband is being a turd and it's affecting my kids, just a bunch of things are swirling around and it's unsettling.

Then some things are not changing.  My weight for one, my activity level, my career.  I'm still in the same place on the scale.  I'm still not exercising, I still don't want to. I'm still in my same, not very exciting job, some days I just get really antsy about  being here and feel like I'm wasting away here.  And, I'm tired.  I'm tired.  All I want to do right now, is sleep. What's up with that?  I usually have much more energy than I do. 

I gave up drinking for Lent, and sweets! That is probably the problem right now.  Sadly, aside from my family, I love wine and chocolate the most!  I'm probably experiencing sugar withdrawal right now.  I hope my mood gets better, it has only been a week today!

Then, my friend (who is the more talented part of the lounge singer duo in the variety show I do each Summer) just called to tell me she's moving.  Our act is something that I look forward to every summer.  In case you didn't pick up on this about me, I'm not real crazy about changes that are out of my control.  In the past, my coping mechanism for those kinds of changes has been food.  Although I still cope with food sometimes, I can't eat what I want to when I want to.  I don't really want to, but sometimes feel like I still need to.  So, I'm turning to one of my other coping mechanisms...writing it down here.  Getting it out of my head and onto the screen.  Hopefully that will make me feel better. 

I hope you are all having a great week and that I don't bring the mood down.

Big Hugs,