Friday, February 26, 2010

News Flash!

First off, Bonnie and Drazil, thank you so much for the comfort and for firing me up. I officially feel better now. I just got off the phone with the surgical coordinator. She assured me that everything had been sent in to the insurance company and that she had gotten the March 8 date too. She said before she called me, she called BCBS again and was unable to speak to anyone in the appeals department, but she assured me she was on top of things, equally as frustrated as me and said she was going to call them back on Monday.
She called me back a total of 3 times this evening and reassured me that she had followed up on everything and that she would get answers for me. I felt so much better after I talked to her, she was very sweet.
I'm just so ready to know. Thank you again for your support. Bonnie, I can't believe you even sent me the link to the insurance commissioner, awesome.
Ya'll have a great weekend. And thanks for helping me cut my pity party short.

You are cordially invited to my pity party.

You are cordially invited to join me

for a pity party

on Friday, February 26, 2010

from 5 o'clock in the afternoon

until midnight

there will be cocktails and fattening foods!

well, there you have it folks, it's official, I'm feeling sorry for myself in a big way. I decided I would call the insurance company this afternoon, you know, just for fun and rejection. The person I talked to today informed me that no appeal has been made to the first letter they sent me informing me that the band was not medically necessary. I said, "but my doctor got the additional information, I went to the psych evaluation, the nutrition meeting, did everything I was supposed to and the doctor sent all that in." He said, "I'm so sorry, I'm not showing any of that."

Big tears start to well up in my eyes, my lower lip begins to quiver, I muster the words "Thank You." I cry. Mind you, I'm at work. Sitting at my desk on a very cold and rainy day, the reception area of my office is filled with men who work with me and they are all just hanging out, so to go to the restroom, I have to cross the room. Everyone staring, as I make the cry baby walk of shame to the ladies room.

I make it back to my desk, call the doctor's office, they are closed on Friday. So, now I'm thinking I've just wasted a whole month waiting to hear from someone and there is nothing to hear. I want chocolate and mashed potatoes and all things comforting and bad.

So, I typed a letter to the receptionist at the bariatric center requesting some clarification on the situation and faxed it over there. I guess I'll spend another weekend not knowing what's up. Anyhoo....pity party I shall have. I'll try not to drown my sorrows in chocolate though.

I hope everyone has a happy weekend. I'm glad it's here!



Thursday, February 25, 2010

I keep writing posts and then deleting them.

I don't know what's up with me. I'm feeling very anxious and nervous. That is not like me, I'm a pretty laid back person. I just want some answers about my surgery. So, I start writing about my feelings and then I realize I'm just ranting and so....I delete. Anyway, I'm ready for the weekend. My boys are going to their dad's house, my husband is on a fishing trip, so I'm going to clean my house and then just bask in the cleanliness. Ahhhh a whole weekend alone, maybe I just need to re-charge the old batteries!
Anyway, happy Friday Eve!

Monday, February 22, 2010

Beautiful Blogger Award

Insert fancy little logo here (that I couldn't figure out how to post)

Bianca, author of, Breaking free from my self imposed exile, nominated me for an award, thank-you Bianca! She is always so kind to me on my blog. I still don't have a surgery date and her comments are always so supportive, THANKS!

Here are the instructions:

• Thank the person who nominated you for this award

• Copy the award and post it in your blog

• Link to the blog of the person who nominated you

• Tell seven interesting things about yourself• Nominate seven bloggers

• Post links to the blogs of your nominees

Seven things about me

1) My name is Theresa Rose, my parents named me after a Saint and a flower. I came out of the womb ready to perform. When I turned 40, I decided I wanted to try stand up comedy. So, I did. I joined a local comedy/improv group and did it every Saturday for a year. It was fun, but very challenging. I still do 3 or 4 speaking engagements a year and have spoken at events around my state.
2) My Parents died when I was a teenager. My siblings, 2 brothers and 1 sister, are incredible people. They took care of me. We are very close, my brothers are my bosses. We all work together and 3 of us live within a block of each other.

3) I am not shy, I have never been shy. When I was in elementary school, I was jealous of the shy girls, because they got so much attention. Everyone was always trying to get the little shy girl to tell her story. So each year I would vow that I was going to just sit back and be the quiet reserved type, shy all the way. That always lasted about.....say 2 minutes!

4) I have been married to my second husband for 3 years. He is the best thing that ever happened to me. I was afraid to date and so, when he asked me out, I set him up with my friends instead. He is my best friend. When I married for the second time(and last ) I wore a black dress, was 44 years old, had my teenage son give me away, had my youngest son as the ring-bearer, my young step-daughter as my maid of honor, my husband's teenage son was his best man, we were surrounded by a handful of friends and family and I have never been so happy in my life. The first time I married I had a huge wedding, big white gown, I was young and thin...but this time...I felt beautiful! I'm so lucky.

5) I have willingly told the truth about my weight on two occasions, when I bungee jumped and when I met with a Bariatric Surgeon. My driver's license has never been accurate. Even before I had a reason to lie about my weight, I did.

6) I have 2 sons, 16 and 13. They are without a doubt, the thing that I am most proud of. In spite of me, they are strong, talented, charming, funny....just incredible young men!

7) If I had lost a pound for every dollar that I have spent on books, tapes, courses, therapy sessions, gym memberships, weight loss plans, pills, pilgrimages and lean cuisines.....I would not exist!

Now for seven blogs in no particular order: Amy's blog is the first one I found on LBT. She is awesome and so darn funny! She was the first person to comment on my blog! Catherine's is the second blog I found, I love that she still has a passion for fine foods and wines and lives an exiting life and is working the band! Bianca J, she is so supportive! I love her comments and she nominated me! Thanks! Cara, she always takes the time to give me a boost. She comments on so many blogs, she completely positive and she looks amazing! LDSwims, she is super smart. She's in the same boat as me. She always takes the time to be supportive and leave comments on my blog. Plus, we live in the same part of the world! Jordan, he is waiting on his band. He had done the pre-op fasting and everything and then had the rug pulled out from under him. He's funny and I like hearing a guy's perspective. Logan, I'm not sure how I found Logan, but he's newly banded and so darn funny. His blog is fancy schmancy. I can't even figure out how to post pictures!

There are about 100 others that I visit everyday and totally love. How can you just pick 7? Anyway, thanks Bianca for the nod. It really made me feel good. I can't wait to be banded and join the ranks. We have a really great community here. I'm thankful that I found you all.


Thursday, February 18, 2010

I talked to the insurance company again and...

I'm frustrated. I called yesterday and she told me that my appeal is still under review but that my file says I'll have an answer one way or the other by March 8! At least I have a time frame now. I can't stand the way that makes me feel though. I'm like, if the answer was no, then they would tell me quickly. So, since they are thinking about it, it must be okay. Anyway, I'm beginning to think they enjoy toying with me. I want this so bad.

I've been eating better and really trying to not drink with meals. OMG, that is really hard. I hope I can do that. Any tips on how to get past that? I feel like I've spent most of my adult life training myself to drink water constantly. Now, I have to rethink that. Hmmm. Anyway, I feel good that at least I have a time frame. I'm thinking good thoughts and my mantra for today will be, that I want, need and deserve to have this tool! So there.

Have a great day til Friday!

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Today is Fat Tuesday!

How appropriate. Really, Happy Mardi Gras! It is Fat Tuesday in so many ways. Tomorrow is Ash Wednesday, the day after Carnival season and a welcome change from all the partying. I'm going to really get serious tomorrow. How many times have I said that? Yesterday, I was in the Grocery store and remembered all of the times I went to the store right after the last parade, to get my Chunky Monkey and ate every bit of it, so that I would be able to begin fasting the next day. Then, the next day comes and because I'm going through withdrawals from the sugar and junk, that I barely make it til noon before I want to go Postal and take out everyone around me. It's all such a vicious cycle for me. I was reading Joey's blog (Volume Control) this morning and laughed when she talked about lack of moderation. That has always been an issue for me, it's feast or famine baby all the way!.... Where does that come from the need to overdo or not do it at all?

My first marriage was to a man who had some "issues." One of which, he was a hoarder, yes, just like you see on the show. It was crazy. His problems became evident early on in our marriage, but didn't get out of control until much later on. It was a slow progression and it took over my life. I could no longer control the clutter, it was bigger than me, it was a force greater than nature. Eventually, I began to believe that I could not make a difference, because that is what history showed me, that no matter how hard I worked at restoring order, it was only a short matter of time before it all was back like before. I gave up. I just gave up. Eating was the only thing that I really could control. I see a definite similarity between both issues.

After I left my husband, I was afraid all the time that somehow I was the reason for the clutter. I doubted myself all the time. I found it difficult to relax and was still afraid of throwing things away, (because in the past, the consequences were never good.) It took me at least a year before I felt I had control over my space.

Then, Hurricanes Rita and Ike, changed my fears about throwing things away. After my marriage ended, I needed simplicity and was still struggling with that process. The floods simplified that for me. They allowed me to throw things away, to put value on what was truly important and to simplify my style and my surroundings. A real blessing in many ways. Although the blessing part of it was hard to see at first, a blessing none the less.

So, now here I am, faced with my own obsession, "hoarding", if you will, but in a different sense. I think that I need the "hurricane" or something big to bring me to the point of simplifying my relationship with food. I really do strive for moderation in so many areas of my life. I put so much emphasis on the food, when at times I should be looking at the real issue.....and just Moderate! Yeah, maybe Nike can use that one, Just Moderate!

See the pattern, too much, too much? Anyway, have a great Mardi Gras....the feast before the fast.

Saturday, February 13, 2010

Thank you for your comments and

for following my blog. I'm amazed at this community of support that I have found here on line. Thank you all. It is so inspiring to see such great strides made by men and women all with the same goal of gaining health and losing weight. Happy weekend, and thank you, thank you, thank you!

Friday, February 12, 2010

I had a dream...

I did, last night I dreamt that I had gotten the band, but I had gotten it in Mexico. Not in one of the beautiful facilities you see on the web, but in a back alley. I was doing great, but needed a fill and I had to get it done in this shack right next to where they were roasting a goat on a spit!
Holy bad dream Bat Man!

I often wonder about dreams, they are a really big part of my life. I have very elaborate, vivid dreams. When I tell my husband about my dreams, he's like holy cow, you've got some stuff going on in that head of yours. When I have been very focused food wise and really doing well on a diet, I always dream that I'm at a party with a huge buffet and that I'm eating all sorts of decadent food. When I have these dreams, I always wake up feeling you think maybe food is an "issue" for me? Hmm. In any case, when I have food dreams, it's always because I have my mojo, so I'm thinking this dream is a good sign. I'm going to just think of it as a sign that I'll get a call real soon with a surgery date.

I hope everyone has a great weekend, It's Mardi Gras....Throw me something mister!

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

One of those little Q&A thingies...

My first Q & A
I found this on Dawn's blog "What I weighed in High School"
"Here is what you are supposed to do, change all the answers so that they apply to you. Have fun and be truthful!
I don't know what happened to #15, it's missing, but I didn't feel like re-numbering!

1. What is your occupation right now? Office Manager at a Trucking Company
2. What color are your socks right now? black
3. What are you listening to right now? the little heater next to my desk
4. What was the last thing you ate? Pirates booty, but my boss is bringing me some gumbo for lunch, yummy.
5. Can you drive a stick shift? Yes
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? a customer
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Well, I got it off Dawn's blog and I like her a lot from what I can tell.
8. How old are you today? 47
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on tv? college football
10. What is your favorite drink? water, then wine, then a good single malt scotch.
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? always
12. Favorite food? Thai food and any seafood
13. What is the last movie you watched? Legion
14. Favorite day of the year? Christmas
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? Chatty Cathy
17. What is your favorite season? Spring and Fall they are about the same in Louisian
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries, especialy Mt. Ranier Cherries!
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? I would like my fellow bloggers to take the quiz :)
20. Who is the most likely to respond? ????.
21. Who is least likely to respond? ??????
22. Living situation. My husband, my two teenage sons, one teenage step son and 2 crazy dogs.
23. When was the last time you cried? I cry often, probably yesterday.
24. What is on the floor of your closet right now. Shoes
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending to? To all my blog buddies.
26. What did you do last night? painted at "Lushes with Brushes
27. What are you most afraid of? something happening to one of my children.
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Cheese!
29. Favorite dog breed? sweet mutt
30. Favorite day of the week? Friday, the whole weekend ahead of me
31. How many states have you lived in?2, Louisiana and Texas
32. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds
33. What is your favorite flower? Lilly
34. What is your favorite color? green
35. What hobbies do you like to do? Cooking, entertaining, painting, reading and finding the perfect wines!

Monday, February 8, 2010

What a weekend!

Man oh man, what a weekend it was. Friday, huge party to welcome some friends from Virginia who came for a Mardi Gras Ball. Saturday, Mardi Gras Ball, Sunday.....The Saints won the Super Bowl!!!!! (I'm still excited and Hell did not freeze over.) The weekend was filled with fun and excitement. Unfortunately, it was also filled with overindulgence. Too much wine, too much food, just overall too much partying! I wonder if I will be able to successfully integrate the band into my lifestyle, when I finally get it? I want to, and at times I think I can, but at other times, I really get scared thinking about if I'm going to have regrets about the change. I don't think I will. Especially when I read blogs and see such great success of others. I want moderation, I really do, I just don't seem to be too good at it on my own.

In any case, I did have a great weekend, but man....Monday is always hard after a party filled weekend like this one. I hope everyone has a great week and I just want you to know how much I appreciate all of your comments and support. I hope to have news to report on the band front real soon. Take Care!

Friday, February 5, 2010

Friday again so soon...

What happened to this week? It just flew by. Not that I'm complaining, I guess I've just been so busy that it's all a blur. My oldest son is involved in two sports, and he doesn't get his license til next month,, drive, drive. I have another Mardi Gras Ball this weekend, it's a costume ball, so I'm excited about it. I much prefer costume to dressy....more comfy shoes. I can't imagine what it would be like to wear heels and not pay for it, when I read Catherine 55's blog about what's different after 70 lbs. one of the things on her list is that she can wear heels all day and they don't hurt! Ah, in a perfect world... Anyway, I'm glad the weekend is here. The only thing that could make it better, would be a call from the doctor to schedule my surgery. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Oh yeah, and go SAINTS!

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

I guess that makes me a stalker...

If I call the pre-certification department of my insurance company everyday does that make me a stalker? Well, I don't care if it does. Today, the girl pawned me off to the appeals department and all I got was a recorded message with no way to leave a message. Oh well, I'm not going to get discouraged today. If it's meant to be, it will be. Man, that's even hard to say, much less truly believe it. But today, I'm going to repeat it to myself over and over again, don't get discouraged, don't get discouraged. Okay, I'm not discouraged any more. Onward march!

Monday, February 1, 2010

What happens if my insurance doesn't come through?

I'm starting to get a little nervous and anxious. What happens if my insurance says no again? Then what do I do? I want this so badly, I've told anyone who would listen about my plans. What do I do if it doesn't happen for me? I just don't know if I have it in me to diet like I used to. I can't seem to stay on a plan anymore. I'm feeling desperate. I don't want to be fat anymore, but I don't want to be hungry all the time either. Whaa, whaa, whaa, maybe I should have some cheese to go with that whine! Anyway, it's Monday, a new week, a new chance to start fresh, maybe a phone call from the surgeon? Who knows. I hope everyone has a great day.