Friday, May 25, 2012

A quick check in...

Well, ready or not, Summer is here.  School's out and I'm excited to report that all of the kids survived finals and have advanced to the next grade.  I will have 2 seniors and 1 sophomore in the fall!  The year flew by.  And, I'm happy that we don't have to study and worry about school, but I'm not so happy about summer visitation.  My boys go to their dad's for 7 days straight, every other week during the summer.  I miss them so much when they are gone.  Sad face :((

In other news, my band has been nice to me, I have had a really good restriction level, and when I do PB, it's always user error.  So, that's a real blessing.  My weight is still up from the Mother's Day gain, I don't feel like changing my ticker yet though.  I guess if it sticks around much longer, I won't have a choice. 

My youngest son is a guitarist and he has waited all year to audition for show choir, freshman cannot be in the show choir.  Anyway, he's been preparing a medley of songs to showcase his talents and he auditioned yesterday...and YAY!! He made it.  I'm so happy for him.

Here is a cool picture of him playing his guitar...ready for his album cover, ha ha!

I'm so glad that it's Friday and a long weekend at that.  My poor husband has been working his butt off.  He has a new schedule at work and works most days from 3:30 am til about 3:00 in the afternoon, but his assistant was out yesterday and today, so he's working 3:30 til 5:30 or 6! I don't know how he does it and stays sane.  Anyway, I'm really looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.
I hope you all have a great one. And let's take time to remember why we have the day off on Monday, all those men and women who fought for our freedoms.  Happy Memorial Day!

Big Hugs,

Friday, May 18, 2012

Anyone know what day it is? I don’t have to tell you – do I? Fine. Fine. It’s FRIDAY!!! That means it’s time for Drazil's BYOC – Bring Your Own Crazy! We answer five little questions to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break. Copy to your own blog and enjoy!!

1. What religion were you raised as a child, if any, and are you still a member of that faith today? Why or why not?

I was raised Catholic.  I love many things about the Catholic Church, the tradition, the theatrics, the predictability.  It has been my home since childhood.  My parents were very devout.  I credit the church and my mentors from the church with my survival when I lost my parents at an early age. I went to Catholic school for 12 years.  My children have always been in Catholic school.  My children are altar servers, and we go to church, but not every Sunday.  When I got divorced, and remarried, I was told that in the eyes of the church I was still married to my ex husband and that my current marriage wasn't really a marriage, that technically I was living in sin.  I personally don't need the churches approval for anything.  I know that I am now living with a man who treats me in a way that my God would want me to be treated, which is very much unlike the other man I was married to.  I am not bitter, I still like the church, and I love our church community.  I am glad that I was raised with the stability of my parent's faith and think it's important for my children to have the same stability.  I'm not great about that, but I'm not terrible either... they are good boys and they are faithful.  I have a rich spiritual life and don't think it has to fit in any particular category. 

2. Do you have an all time favorite candy or do you change favorites often?

So many little time! I love best of all...Brach's Maple Nut Goodies, they are the bomb.  I love chocolate, I love it all! I love dark chocolate with sea salt, Reese's....hell, it's no coincidence I had to have WLS!

3. Are you a green thumb? Do you landscape your yard or plant any flowers or a garden? Do you pay someone to do it for you? Do you not plant a single thing?

I don't like to garden, my husband has a green enough thumb for the two of us. 

4. Let’s just say you were a tattoo junkie and you were planning your next tat and it had to be words only. What words would you choose? A quote? Phrase? One word? Would you do it in English or a different language?
 I have no desire to get a tattoo. There is not a saying that I would want to have on my body....but pretend that I were a tattoo would likely be...."The acts of this life are the destiny of the next" or..."The party starts here!"

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week.

I've been struggling with the truth about my weight gain, feeling guilty and trying not to eat my way through the guilt.  My son and step-daughter had their Junior ring ceremony at school, gulp! We had the spring football game.  Finals are in full swing.  My youngest will audition for Show Choir next week, I'm nervous for him. And... Joshua Ledet our little home town American Idol got voted off last night and I'm not too happy about it.  I will live though. 
Wheww, that's about it....I'm soooooo ready for the weekend.
Hope yours is great!
Big Hugs!


Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Mother's Day Weight Gain!

Hi there! I've been MIA for a little while.  And, sadly the time that I could have spent blogging was spent eating.  My weight is up and I'm not too happy about it.  A couple of weeks ago, we had a little dinner party with friends and we brought dessert, the following day we hosted a dinner party, lots of yummy's and more dessert.  The left overs spilled into the next week and then Mother's Day arrived in a Sea of wine and chocolates and all things fab. Then a graduation party we hosted last night, more goodies and party foods and wine.  So, I indulged more than I should have and well.  I'm paying for it now.  I really thought that the weight gain was not accurate, 6 pounds! Whatever...but guess what, it went down then back up again.  I'm very disappointed in myself and doing my best to get back on track.  I don't feel well when I eat badly, I don't feel well when I'm judging myself harshly.  I don't feel well when I gain at all! Hello...McFly? So, why do I do that to myself?  Old habits die hard I suppose. 

Mother's Day was really special. My husband treated me like a Queen, my boys were sweet too, I was showered with gifts and good wishes.  I love being a Mom, it is by far the most rewarding thing I've done.  I love my boys and my step children and I hope in the end that I do more things right in the Motherhood department then I do wrong. Here is a picture of me and my handsome sons on Mother's Day.

As far as the weight gain goes, I am disappointed in myself, but it is what it is and beating myself up about it isn't going to get the weight off of me.  It's just time to do what I have to to get that off and the other 30 I want to lose.  I have found in my dieting career that quick on is usually quick off...that's my story and I'm sticking to it! Ha ha!

I hope all of you who are Mother's had a wonderful day and I hope you have a great rest of the week.  Today is the Junior Ring Ceremony at my kid's school.  My oldest son and my step-daughter will be seniors! I can't believe it.  Take care!
Big Hugs!

Friday, May 4, 2012

Reevaluating my goals...

Happy Friday! Thank you all for your wonderful comments and support yesterday. I've been doing a great deal of thinking about my future weight loss goal and what it is that's holding me back. I've tried to refocus my efforts. I've been reading blogs, watching YouTube videos about WLS successes and generally trying to remember the feelings that lead me to have WLS. I don't want to go back certainly, but I think I've forgotten what it felt like to be so desperate to lose weight. I don't feel desperate anymore. That's a good thing, but I think that I would be more apt do better with my diet and exercise if I was a little more in touch with the feelings of my fatter self. Does that make sense?

I told you I wanted to change my goal to 175 maybe 180. I found a picture of myself from 1989. I was on Weight Watchers, my heaviest at that point was 207, I was mortified, I felt so defeated and so fat, I could not believe that I had let myself get above 200. I joined WW and lost 32 pounds, I thought I looked great and I certainly felt great. Here is a picture of me at 175. 

Once I got to 175, I felt like it was a weight that I could maintain. But my leader said that I would have to get a letter from my doctor saying it was okay, because the top number for my height and my age was 150 pounds. I remember feeling so defeated. I was happy with the way I looked, I felt like I might even be able to sustain the loss. I had worn a 2 piece bathing suit to the beach...and I wasn't embarrassed at all, I was wearing horizontal stripes for crying out loud! But, the news from my leader hurt my feelings so bad, that I just gave up. I remember driving through McD's on the way home....I'll show her! HA! In less than a year I had gained all my weight back plus 15 pounds more. How many times in my life have I punished myself because my feelings were hurt? My doctor would have gladly written a letter for me. I could have said "who cares...I feel good." But instead... I ate, because it made me feel better, I got fatter which made me feel worse, so I ate because that made me feel better, so I would feel worse.... a horrible cycle. So self destructive.

I've been hemin' and hawin' and staying the same, I've been maintaining, because I'm eating too much to lose. I've been eating for comfort at times. I've not been eating protein first most of the time. And, I've NOT been exercising. The thing is....I've been doing all these things and still maintaining my weight, so the truth is, I can make some really small changes and see results. Or if I was so inclined, I could make some dramatic changes and see dramatic results. I'm 23 years older than I was in that picture, I was 26. My body is different now, I don't have youth on my side like I did then, but I definitely have experience on my side. I know how to lose weight. I know how to cook healthy food that is delicious. And I know how to make time for me to exercise. I know where my goal lives, I just have to walk the walk to get there. And while I'm revving up to get there, I need to remember some of the pain that got me to this moment in time, a time that fortunately is pretty painless. I'm well aware that things could be worse. But, I'm thinking they could be a little better too.

Again, thanks for listening!
Big Hugs,

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Finding inspiration...

Well hi there.  I hope this post finds you well.  I'm once again, a bit of a reluctant blogger.  I read your blogs and keep up.  I just don't feel much inspiration to write lately. I wanted to share with you that I have recently found an incredible blog about a woman who has the vertical sleeve, she's halfway to her goal of losing 300 pounds. You can read about her here.  She is so strong and is doing so well.  When I look at her and read her posts about some of the heart ache she has endured because of her obesity and all of the obstacles she has overcome on her way to health, I'm so inspired.  She's really incredible. 

I had my annual Doctor's visit this week and had my blood work done.  I'm happy to report that my health is great. My weight was down by only 6 pounds since my last visit, but still it was down.  My blood pressure was 100/60, my cholesterol was optimal, my blood sugar was great.  The only problem was my Vitamin D was low.  So, I need to take a supplement and maybe get out in the sunshine a little, ha!  I think my pasty skin will appreciate it.  As long as I don't end up looking like the tanning bed mom that's all over the news.  Poor woman...that is too sad!

My weight is holding steady.  I fully realize that the reason the scale is not moving in a downward fashion is because of me.  I'm just really content right now, it is so nice not to have to struggle...I'm eating like I would imagine a normal person does.  Some days are better than others, but when you average them out, it's not too shabby.  I'm happy. That's something pretty darn big. 

I watched the finale of "The Biggest Loser" online yesterday, I have not been following the show.  But it really is amazing how good some of the people look! Wow! Can you believe anyone could lose 199 pounds in such a short period of time? I don't necessarily agree with the methods and I don't think it's very realistic.  But you cannot deny the entertainment value of it all. 

I have given a great deal of thought to where I really want to be weight wise.  I think that if I was under 200 pounds, I would feel better about things.  But 199 is illusive.  Anyway.  I initially said 166 was my goal, but I really don't know.  I think I want to lose 30 more pounds that would put me at 175.  I'm tall, the last time I weight 175, was 23 years ago, and I looked pretty darned good. When I really stop and think about it, I think part of what's holding me back is that I don't think 30 pounds is going to make that much of a difference, because at the beginning of this journey it was a full 50 pounds before anyone really noticed that I had lost weight at all.  I remember years ago when I lost 30 pounds and got down in the 170's it was a huge difference.  Why am I having so much trouble wrapping my head around that? At this stage in the game, I can honestly say that gaining 5 pounds makes a huge difference in the way I feel and the way my clothes fit, what makes me think that 6 times that won't make a huge difference.  I just need to reassess and get my head back in the game.  I know that success is possible, but I also know that I have to want it and I have to work at it. 

I hope this wasn't too whiny! And I hope you guys have a great day and a great weekend to come.
Big Hugs!