Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Ch Ch Ch Changes... also know as the pity party!

Howdy Peeps! I'm still alive, still here, still in a bit of a funk, still 50.... By the way, this week is the first time that I've actually felt old.  I don't like it.  Maybe I'm experiencing a bit of post birthday sadness, maybe it's because so much is changing in my life, maybe it's because some things are not changing, but I'm just kind of feeling...well...I don't know a good word for it, sad or out of sorts.

Like I said, things are changing.  I went to a senior meeting on Monday, and suddenly the fact that two of our kids are going to graduate from high school in 3 months and begin the next phase of their lives, hit me like a ton of bricks. My husband is making a big career move.  My ex-husband is being a turd and it's affecting my kids, just a bunch of things are swirling around and it's unsettling.

Then some things are not changing.  My weight for one, my activity level, my career.  I'm still in the same place on the scale.  I'm still not exercising, I still don't want to. I'm still in my same, not very exciting job, some days I just get really antsy about  being here and feel like I'm wasting away here.  And, I'm tired.  I'm tired.  All I want to do right now, is sleep. What's up with that?  I usually have much more energy than I do. 

I gave up drinking for Lent, and sweets! That is probably the problem right now.  Sadly, aside from my family, I love wine and chocolate the most!  I'm probably experiencing sugar withdrawal right now.  I hope my mood gets better, it has only been a week today!

Then, my friend (who is the more talented part of the lounge singer duo in the variety show I do each Summer) just called to tell me she's moving.  Our act is something that I look forward to every summer.  In case you didn't pick up on this about me, I'm not real crazy about changes that are out of my control.  In the past, my coping mechanism for those kinds of changes has been food.  Although I still cope with food sometimes, I can't eat what I want to when I want to.  I don't really want to, but sometimes feel like I still need to.  So, I'm turning to one of my other coping mechanisms...writing it down here.  Getting it out of my head and onto the screen.  Hopefully that will make me feel better. 

I hope you are all having a great week and that I don't bring the mood down.

Big Hugs,


Tina @ The Bandit Girl said...

Blogging will help! Glad you are here.

Steph said...

Change can really suck at times, but I am a firm believer that you never know what is around the corner. I wish you nothing but the best and know that we are all here for you! Hugs!

Anna said...

I hate change and feeling out of control too! Hugs to you!

Barbara said...

Hey Tess, you know what they say, The ONLY thing constant is Change.
Step back from the situation and evaluate what is within your control and what YOU would like to see change and then make a plan. Not a big drawn out one, but one with baby steps, small little changes. I happen to love change (hence my PS adventures!!) but I realize not everyone does. Try a new lipstick color or color you would never consider.. Change up something about your routine.. give it a shot and embrace the new change!!! big hugs

FitBy40 said...

Ugh, changes of any kind, good or bad, can be stressful. Hoping it all works out for the best in the end, and until then, hang in there!

Sandy said...

I figure its just the February blahs. Been feeling the same about my job, weight and no exercise. But I coloured my hair last weekend AND styled it a bit different and at least 10 people have commented. Even men. Weird that one tiny little change can bring such attention. Hope you fell better soon. And you are still a baby to me.

Gilly said...

Awwww :(. Well if it makes you feel any better, I've given up sugar, wine and caffeine! I'm suffering right along with you, angel *hug*

speck said...

I got super sad when my daughter graduated from high school. Well let me be honest, I got depressed. And it came out of nowhere.

But around the same time my brother had died so I felt like I was losing the most important people in my life.

When you said your friend is moving, I was like, yeah, people she loves and are the most are important will be leaving soon. That's big.

We can't change life's circumstances but we can write down those deep personal feelings we have about it. I asked myself what does this mean for me. Once I put pen to paper, all kinds of stuff came out. I highly recommend getting those feelings out.

Thanks for sharing.