Being tight has its rewards...

Happy to report another pound down. I'll take it! I can hardly believe that I am just 2 pounds from 60 down and less than ten from onederland! I am pleased with my progress no matter how slow it is. Although I've had some freaky tightness the last couple of days, this is the first time that an uncooperative band has resulted in a loss, so...yay for the loss.

In other news, my husband is crazy!

And, yesterday I went to group therapy. I had been in therapy for a couple of years after my divorce and had gone to group therapy weekly for close to two years. It was a great experience for me and I really learned a great deal. Now the center has started a maintenance group for people who have graduated from the other program, kind of a continuing education program, it's just 90 minutes once a month. I went last night and it was a great experience, although quite different from the experience I had in group before. No one in this group is really in crisis, we are all just living and trying to implement what we learned when we were in crisis. It was so refreshing. I think I needed the experience to let me see just how far I've come. I grabbed my old journal out of my desk drawer at work when I was on my way out the door, a journal I haven't looked in in 2 years. When I opened it, I was surprised to see two pictures of myself. One picture is me at 14 or 15 years old, posing in a bikini top and a pair of shorts, the second is me singing karaoke at The Cat's Meow in New Orleans and I can't tell you how shocked I was by the former. I plan to scan them and blog about my feelings tomorrow. In any case, I had the pictures in there because at one point I had been journaling about my body issues, about coming to grips with my food addiction and about forgiving myself for destroying my body, a precious gift that I never had an appreciation for. I feel really good about where I am at this point in my life. I feel like I have made great strides and although I had to get an appliance installed in my gut to help me to get my food issues under control, I have still done a great deal on my own and I'm proud of myself. I still struggle with self acceptance, but looking back on my old journal, I realize just how far I have come. I'm thankful for that, I'm thankful for you all, because you have helped me grow through your support and shared wisdom. What a blessing.

I hope you all have a wonderful day!

Big Hugs!

T

Weekend recap, and the vice grip I call my band!

Howdy folks! I just loved this picture, even though it's Migraine Barbie, just picture the vice a little lower down on the throat for my purposes!

My weekend was crazy busy, Friday we had our school auction for my youngest son. It was fun, busy, but fun and we raised $80,000.00 for the school! Saturday evening, we went to a shrimp boil and enjoyed a wonderful evening at our friend's boat house, great food, great atmosphere and great company! My band was so cooperative that night, I barely ate during the day but that night, miraculously I was able to eat a bit of everything (sadly that included 440 calories worth of coconut pecan cookies!) but it was great. Sunday morning, I woke very early because my boys had to serve at church at 7:30. As always on the mornings they serve, we went to McDonald's after to pick up breakfast. I usually don't eat in the mornings until 9:30 or 10, because I'm tight, I'll enjoy my coffee then eat later on. Now looking back, I realize that I didn't have my coffee for one thing and secondly, I decided I would try to eat at 8:45, these were both mistakes. As soon as I realized I couldn't eat, I stopped, but it set the stage for a day of misery for me, that along with the fact, that the night before I overindulged. Has anyone else noticed that when you over do it one day, the next day you're super tight? Well, it's a pattern for me. Anyway, I was stuck early on in the day, I just waited it out and it passed and I napped. I tried to drink a glass of milk at lunch time, stuck, later on I got stuck on water, then on a bit of wine (trying to prime the band) stuck on warm tea, stuck on water, stuck on ice cream, I threw up several times last night and was really hurting. I was really thirsty and hungry and feeling very sorry for myself....(another pattern!) Anyway, today I'm better, still very sore, but able to drink water and coffee this morning. I'm sticking to liquids and mushies today and hopefully things will be back to normal soon. I will, one day learn how to avoid days like that. I hope. I know that when I am having a day like that, I shouldn't try even ice cream, just try to sip water...slowly! It's frustrating and it really brings out the whiny baby in me, but it is a small price to pay for all the rewards that the band has brought me. It feels good today to be on the smoother side of things. I hope you all have a wonderful day and a great week ahead of you!

Big Hugs!

T

Jenny came a callin'

And she fixed my blog all pretty! Thanks Jenny!!! I love my new digs! Happy Friday! T

My new Mantra....

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

kiss my ass,

I'm thin and tall!

Remember "fake it til you make it!"

Hugs,

T

What do you see?

It's been one of the hardest things about WLS...learning to see myself differently and learning to let others see what they see, instead of what I see. I don't know how to go about changing an area of my life that has taken decades to develop. I saw a comment on FB yesterday about how to be confident after a life changing weight loss, the comment said "fake it til you make it" a great quote from the 12 step programs, one that I have tried so many times to use. Some days I'm much better at faking it than others. Today is one of those days. I look at myself and I see a flawed me and find it difficult to look past the flaws. But, some days I look at myself and I feel confident and I feel worth it and I feel like my flaws are only a small part of the big picture. I want to strike a better balance, but I'm struggling with that. I know that so many of us are. I really struggle with feeling like I'm losing my identifying skin, my protection. I don't like feeling vulnerable. In other news....my band is performing so nicely right now. I haven't been getting stuck, I'm really concentrating on eating slowly and chewing and it's working well for me. I hope it continues. I feel good physically. I hope you all are doing well and have a great Wednesday! Big Hugs, T

A picture post from the weekend!

Girls night in was wonderful, we ate, drank and were quite merry! Enjoy the pics...

Jane and Nancy

Liz and Susan

Jane and Me Kisler and Amy Dawn and Jane (Jane is Dawn's mom) ...Karaoke queens Dawn and Me....singing "Bobby McGee" Amelia (My sister) and Carla

Susan, Amy and Kay

Liz and Carlyn

Beautiful sisters....Susan and Ginger

Marty, Carla and Dawn (Marty showing off my lighted reading glasses!)

Oh well, it's back to the grind...Happy Monday!

Big Hugs,

T

BYOC

BYOC is Bring Your Own Crazy…..5 little questions we answer in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break!Enjoy!! I don't know what's wrong with blogger today, but it's pissing me off, I have gone back in and edited this like 10 times and every time I publish the post, the spacing goes away and everything is all bunched up, so...Sorry it's hard to read and I'm mad! 1.Are you superstitious? Not really, I was when I was younger, but not really anymore. 2. You wouldn’t be caught dead where – wearing what? I don't wear shorts outside of my home. Ever. 3. What brand of perfume to you wear? Miracle by Lancome....delicious! 4. Name five non-human things that you love and why. 1.Chocolate! 2. "Modern Family" 3. my home 4. Wine 5. Butter . 5.Repeat question: In blogland, there have been a ton of reports of people struggling food wise and of people being too tight. Also, lot's of discussion about the long term success of the band, lots to think about. In real life: My hubby is out of town for a fishing tournament this weekend, I went to dinner with the girls last night for a birthday celebration and Saturday, girls night at my house. whoo hoo. I hope my liver can take it, lol! I'll be going to my son's track meet tonight and I suppose that's about it, spring has sprung down south and it's beautiful today! I hope you all have a wonderful weekend, I'll post pics of the girls weekend. Big Hugs, T