LilySlim - Weight loss

Friday, June 18, 2010

The chicken or the egg?


I need some patience folks! So, if you have some...send it my way. I'm going through this phase right now that makes it hard for me to live and breathe in the moment. I'm very anxious about alot of things, particularly my ex-husband and my oldest son's relationship. It is strained to say the least and I'm proud of my son for standing up for himself, but I'm a nervous wreck about it. It pains me so to see my children hurting. I'm also wanting to see some results on the weight loss front at a quicker rate. I have found that I have a great deal of tightness that comes with stress and nerves. On Monday and Tuesday, I could barely eat an ounce of food at a time and was getting stuck left and right. I was scheduled for a fill next Tuesday but canceled it, because I was scared of being too tight right before I go on a mini trip. I'm hungrier now, but I'm not as stressed, either way, I think it was right to cancel the fill.


I have learned a few things about this lap band I call Pearl. I have learned first of all that I really like her. Secondly, that it is unrealistic to think that I can loose 100 pounds and never experience hunger. Some days I'm really hungry, but some days I'm not, just like other people who control their weight without a little tool to help. I have found that if I am hungry, it is generally because I'm not eating quality protein and drinking too soon after eating. So, just like in other areas of my life, I have come to the realization that if I do what I'm supposed to do, then success will eventually come my way....imagine that. I feel hope full about reaching my weight loss goals and although I am anxious, it's because I'm excited for what the future holds for me. It's difficult to imagine that I may actually live out the next part of my life as a thin person. Sometimes when I think about that and all that it entails, I get weepy. I've talked about this before, but I lived the first half of my life as a thin person and even though I didn't get obese until adulthood, it has affected me in so many ways. I have a Rolodex of painful incidents in my head of unkind words or acts, directed at me because of my weight, not my actions or my personality, but simply because of my size. I hate that I have let these events change me. When I was a young woman I was vibrant and full of hope for my future: did I change because I got fat? or did I get fat because I changed? The old which came first the chicken or the egg conundrum.


I hope a wonderful weekend is in store for everyone. Big Hug!
T

11 comments:

Bonnie said...

Unfortunately patience is not something I have a lot of either, but I'll send you some XOXOXO. I have a close friend who is going through issues between her children and ex so I think I can understand to an extent what you are going through and know how much it sucks. I like your chicken and an egg analogy. I've been up and down the weightloss rollercoaster since I was 13 and am hoping the band will finally get me to where I want to be and stay there for the rest of my adult life. I remember when I first started on blogger you were waiting to hear about your insurance approval. How far you have come! I am so happy that things are going well and hope I'll follow in your footsteps. Hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Joey said...

Your ex really strings my cheese!!! I'm all kinds of street - I'll cut that jerk. I will.

Carmen said...

i'll be back up for joey :-)

Pamela E. Williams said...

LOL@Joey! We always need someone like Joey to cut somebody and get them right, LOVES IT!!

Tess, I too have no patience, so I can't help you there. I think unfortunately there are things in every person's life that causes anxiety such as your ex and your son. Its hard to not be anxious about things when it concerns our children. Believe me I know. Ask for peace and I'm sure you will get it. As far as the weight loss is concerned, you are doing well. Give yourself credit for your successes so far and know that where you are is where you are supposed to be at this given moment (now feel free to shoot these words right back at me when I get in bandster hell).

You remember when your kids were young and they would give you a big ole hug and the sound they would make "mmmmmmhmmmmm"? Well here is yours ((((HUGSSSS))))

Jennifer said...

OK, I'm sending patient vibes your way. I'm also Joeys backup. We have your back.

Drazil said...

Oh my Rosebud...you hang in there....I'm sending patience, prayers and love your way....we ALL love you here and you are never alone. Be well my friend.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Awww, hang in there sweetie! I am so sorry you have a difficult time. Looking from the outside, one would never know you were hurting like this. You have such a beautiful smile and a great personality. Lean on John as much as you can. He loves you and I know he will do whatever he can to help you. All of your blogging sisters are here for you too. I'm not sure about the chicken or the egg analogy, but it is an interesting thing to ponder. Much love to you girl-this too shall pass.

Band-Babe said...

Ugh. I just lost a really long comment to you.

I'm not sure if it's patience you need... geez. I've BTDT with my son and ex husband. It's heartbreaking to deal with. I'm so sorry for you both.

I agree we need to do our part with our band. Anyone who thinks this is the easy way out, is nuts.

Great question about the chicken or the egg. I'll be thinking lots about that one... it's so individual...

amandakiska said...

Sending hugs your way.

I'll join up with Carmen & Joey for that ass kicking if you think it will help!

Cindylew said...

So sorry you're feeling so much stress but am also really happy for you to be connecting so well with your band...I look forward to that day.
Hang in there and you have a great weekend as well.

THE DASH! said...

Patience? Whats that? I hear you though - stress can really take a toll on our bands. Just try to live each day and breatheeeeee... it's all we can do. xx