The chicken or the egg?

I need some patience folks! So, if you have some...send it my way. I'm going through this phase right now that makes it hard for me to live and breathe in the moment. I'm very anxious about alot of things, particularly my ex-husband and my oldest son's relationship. It is strained to say the least and I'm proud of my son for standing up for himself, but I'm a nervous wreck about it. It pains me so to see my children hurting. I'm also wanting to see some results on the weight loss front at a quicker rate. I have found that I have a great deal of tightness that comes with stress and nerves. On Monday and Tuesday, I could barely eat an ounce of food at a time and was getting stuck left and right. I was scheduled for a fill next Tuesday but canceled it, because I was scared of being too tight right before I go on a mini trip. I'm hungrier now, but I'm not as stressed, either way, I think it was right to cancel the fill.

I have learned a few things about this lap band I call Pearl. I have learned first of all that I really like her. Secondly, that it is unrealistic to think that I can loose 100 pounds and never experience hunger. Some days I'm really hungry, but some days I'm not, just like other people who control their weight without a little tool to help. I have found that if I am hungry, it is generally because I'm not eating quality protein and drinking too soon after eating. So, just like in other areas of my life, I have come to the realization that if I do what I'm supposed to do, then success will eventually come my way....imagine that. I feel hope full about reaching my weight loss goals and although I am anxious, it's because I'm excited for what the future holds for me. It's difficult to imagine that I may actually live out the next part of my life as a thin person. Sometimes when I think about that and all that it entails, I get weepy. I've talked about this before, but I lived the first half of my life as a thin person and even though I didn't get obese until adulthood, it has affected me in so many ways. I have a Rolodex of painful incidents in my head of unkind words or acts, directed at me because of my weight, not my actions or my personality, but simply because of my size. I hate that I have let these events change me. When I was a young woman I was vibrant and full of hope for my future: did I change because I got fat? or did I get fat because I changed? The old which came first the chicken or the egg conundrum.

I hope a wonderful weekend is in store for everyone. Big Hug!
T