Wednesday, June 2, 2010

Long time, no post

I'm happy to report that I'm down 26 pounds. I'm finally getting used to this fill, there was a definite learning curve involved. I have to be careful, I've been stuck a few more times, but haven't PB'd. I have found that left over meat is a big no no.

It's been an exciting week in blog land, Drazil's big reveal, Amy W. getting up on a slalom ski, lots of soul searching and successes.

I'm going on vacation next week and guess who I get to meet?.....That's right Miss Vickie!
( I'm so excited!

Now, on to another note. I talked last week in my blog about not turning to food for comfort, but instead turning to people. Draz asked me if I knew what was bothering me, and I do. My ex-husband is a real turd, for lack of a better description, and he is taking me back to court some 5 years after our divorce, to reduce child support. He was a very abusive man and, I'm convinced that being mean to me and harassing me has always been his drug of choice, just like food was mine. Now, I fear that there is trouble in his current marriage and he is reverting to his old ways to comfort himself. You get the cycle. Anyway, our summer visitation is from Friday to Friday, but my vacation is Sunday to Sunday and now (although every summer before he was fine with a change) he has decided that we can only stick with what the court has set forth and he will not accept a change in the schedule. Of course I talked to him about it, before I booked and he was fine with the dates. I know this man and I know that if I take my kids and return on Sunday, that the cops will be waiting at my house when I get there (ala Jerry Freakin Springer)! So, I'm so stressed out about this. My husband gets frustrated with me, because he says that I still let the man affect me. I can't help it, I try really hard, but the man has hurt me in so many ways for a really long time. I was married to him for 17 years. I was afraid of him and spent most of my days on constant watch. I walked on egg shells, never knowing if the next thing I said was going to be the wrong thing. I am not the same woman that I was then. I know that with certainty and I live a life now that is safe and happy. I never dreamt that I could have the kind of life that I have now. I know that for the first couple of years after I left my first husband, I must have been experiencing post traumatic stress disorder, because my life with him was very much like war. My day to day maneuvers were like making my way through a mine field. When I look back on my life with him, it makes me extremely sad that I didn't care enough about myself to get out, it wasn't until he put my children in danger that I got serious and got us out of there. It makes me sad that I couldn't see how badly I was hurting my children to let them live that lifestyle too. It all makes me sad....and I hate that his bullying is having any affect on me at all. I especially hate that it has affected my current husband, who doesn't deserve to feel any of this. So, I don't know what to do, I am afraid of the way he will treat my kids when he doesn't get his way. It all just makes me sick. So, there you have it, my drama in a nutshell. I'm just waiting to here from my attorney and hopefully will find some solution.

I hope everyone has a great day, and thanks for all of your support and kindness, you mean so much to me.



-Grace- said...

I hope your attorney can help you sort through this mess. I'm sorry this is happening :(

amandakiska said...

That is a major drag! Are you going away for your vacation for the dates he previously authorized? I'm sorry he is such a butt. I think your insight that he uses chaos and drama as a drug is really powerful, but he can only do it with your participation. I know it is easier said than done, but you have to distance yourself emotionally from his abuse. If you buy into his BS, then he wins!

Tina said...

Divorces and child wrangling is the worst. I'm not a hugger but here is one of those uncomfortable ones that only us non-huggy people can give :)...Feel better and don't let the jerk get at you through food!


Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

OMG! You just wrote about my former husband! I mean almost identical and I was afraid of him just like you were. I was with him for 17 years too. I am finally going to a counselor about it because I will be seeing him this month after 6+ years he has been in prison. I am suffering from PTSD also. Girl, we will have to talk when I see you. I cannot wait! Great job in the weight loss!

Gilly said...

Wow...he sounds like a real dickhead. Writing about it is better than do that instead! As my mother always says: this too shall pass. *hugs*

LDswims said...

I am so sorry you are having to deal with any of this. What a butt!

I think one of the keys is that he can only hurt you if you let him. And in this particular situation, court may be the only way through this. But what about, in the future, getting him to agree in writing to changes that are made. That way, when he does his stupid crap, it's documented that he agreed. Just a thought. And I know it doesn't help much for now. But save yourself in the future - protect yourself before he can hurt you.

I'm just so sad to hear that you have to deal with any of this, as well as your husband and especially your kids. It's just sad.


Barefoot Jen said...

26 lbs down... that is wonderful. I am right there with ya, banded on March 20 and down 28lbs... yes there is a learning curve, especially after that first fill ;-)

Girl Bandit said...

Wow...I am so sorry that your vacationis being threatened in this way and all that extra stress too. It is so hard to get away from people like this when you have to have contact for the kids. I have a girlfriend who is so strong and assertitve until it comes to her you she just reverts and gives in and won't cause any conflict even though she is right. They must love the power...I am not sure what the answer is but we can hold your hand through it. Good luck with the attorney!!! (((hugs)))

Sam said...

Congrats on the weight lose to date.

Sorry that have all these dramas still with your ex. And I wish I had some great inspirational advice to get you though it. All I can say is that I hope everything works out and you get to spend you holiday as you want to and don't let him ruin all your great efforts.

Jacquie said...

I am so sorry you are going through this Tess! He is a piece of shit and fortunately or unfortunately, your boys see this and at some point, they are going to tell him to shove it up his ass! Hang in there honey, I will keep you in my prayers.

Cindylew said...

I'm with Gilly..."dickhead" is exactly the word that came to my mind.
Oh Tesser...I'm so sorry you're going through this. You're doing the best and safest thing you can do in consulting an attorney.
Just stay strong on keep leaning on your "crew"...all of us.
Love ya

Drazil said...

I'm so sorry Rosebud....but in a way all that you went through made you the Rosebud I love today - strong and caring and beautiful inside and out. You will get through this - lean on us and your hubby. I wish you could never remember any of the pain and fear you felt back then...I'd take it away if I could. Love you!

Kristin said...

Wow, Tessie, that's a serious burden. I hope your attorney gets you through the legal stuff and your husband helps with the emotional support. Hang in there.

Butterfly/Amy said...

Congrats on the 26! Sorry about the mess with the ex, hope things get sorted out quickly.

Bonnie said...

You are doing so great with the band. I am so happy for you. I'm sorry your ex is such an ass.

Jenny said...

26lbs is awesome!!

I'm sorry about your ex. It really sucks. Hopefully your lawyer can help you guys. Its probably hard on your husband to see you upset. I'm sure he's frustrated with the situation, not you.

Joey said...

[sorry, behind on blogs]


If your ex doesn't care that he's hurting you, doesn't he at least care that he's hurting the kids? Jerk.

We love you!