Here is my Blue Monday Bullet Point Summary:
- I had a good weekend, Friday we had a Birthday BBQ for family and friends for my step-daughter. It was fun, the food was great! But, I had the early signs of hormonal unease and could feel the aggravation building over absolutely nothing.
- Saturday the hubs and I went to this party that was an Island Theme, and it was not with people that we generally hang out with, but we had fun anyway, but my mood was already compromised by my onset of the hormonal unease and well, when I get like this....I don't know how to stop myself from being overly sensitive and overly unpleasant.
- Sunday was Father's Day, we had a very low keyed day, hanging out at home, the boys pitched in and did the lawn, I cooked for the hubs and we just kind of hung out. I did drink a little too much wine, as I was feeling sorry for myself due to above mentioned hormonal unease and the tightness that comes with the hormonal unease....which lead to lots of puking, thus feeling sorry for myself when I'm hungry and can't manage to eat.
- When I get like this, everything is amplified. I start to look at myself with disdain. I look in the mirror and honestly I can't see progress, I just see the same old fat chick who can't seem to lose another pound. My husband put his arm around me and rubbed my back, I immediately think he's feeling my back fat. Everything irritates me or hurts my feelings and I don't know how to stop it.
- One of our dogs woke me up at 3 am to go outside. I let him out and then I can't find him after about 15 minutes, so I have to go get a flashlight, get my glasses go search the yard for him. In the meantime, I wake up my husband, so at 3:30 we are both lying in the bed wide awake. I don't fall back to sleep until 4:30 and my alarm goes off at 5. I snooze it until 6:20, thus begins the day of feeling rushed and wishing I had a little more sleep.
- I have rehearsal tonight. I feel guilty and conflicted. I want to do the show, it's important to me, but I also want to spend more time with my family and not rush to get supper on the table at night.
- I can't eat before rehearsal, because I can't rush to eat, so if I don't eat before, I'm starving at rehearsal, but if I try to eat before, I'm puking at rehearsal.
- I'm better today, but the damage has been done. I don't want to hurt the people around me, but I do.
That about covers it. I hope the worst is behind me. The above hormonal rant was brought to you by, "I'm almost 50 and my body is rebelling!"
I hope you all have a great day and I hope that tomorrow brings a Tuesday that is full of grace.