LilySlim - Weight loss

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

More deep thoughts.

Hey Guys, I hope everyone is doing well. First of all, I cannot believe I'll be hanging with so many of you in less than two weeks. I'm so excited for Chicago!

Now on to more deep thoughts. I've been struggling with some old demons. The desire to binge is overwhelming sometimes, especially when I'm under stress or feeling sad. I've got a lot going on right now with my kids and my ex husband is being a turd, I don't like to talk to him at all and when I have to, it makes me uneasy. So...here I am battling the desire to overeat and battling the desire to berate myself for wanting to overeat...just the usual vicious circle.

I've been reading "Women Food and God" and have been so struck by some of the passages, it's as if she's talking just to me. I find it so funny, since I've had the book for ages and tried reading it but just couldn't before. I suppose I just wasn't ready. I want to share a couple of things that I read today that really spoke to me, in one section the author is talking about a retreat student who despised her thighs. She spent years obsessing about her thighs, hating them, thinking she could never be happy with her body as long as she had those thighs, so she had liposuction and this is what she said one year later at a retreat:"It is devastating to realize that I paid all that money and no one, not my husband or my sister or me --can tell the difference between my thighs now and my thighs then. They don't seem to care, no less notice, that my thighs have less cellulite. I didn't want to go through life hating my thighs and now we've spent half our savings on the operation and I still can't stand my thighs." The author goes on to say: "I tell her that I have never met anyone for whom years of rejection and hatred suddenly and miraculously turned to love, even after a face-lift, LAP-BAND surgery, liposuction. When you love something you wish it goodness; when you hate something, you wish to annihilate it. Change happens not by hatred but by love. Change happens when you understand what you want to change so deeply that there is no reason to do anything but act in your own best interest. When you begin to inhabit your body from the inside, when you stop looking at it through, as my friend Mary Jane Ryan says, "bank camera eyes," any other option except taking care of it is unthinkable. No matter how much you loathe yourself or believe life would be better if your thighs were thinner or your hips were narrower or your eyes were wider apart, your essence---that which makes you you---needs your body to articulate its vision, its needs, its love. Inhaling your child's baby-powder neck perfume requires flesh, nose, senses. Presence, enlightenment, insight are only possible because there is a body in which they unfold. In The Lovely Bones by Alice Sebold, when the murdered narrator, Susie, wants to kiss her boyfriend, she slips into her friend's body to feel the warmth of lips on lips--as if having a body was heaven itself."

Wow, I needed to read that today. I've spent so much of my life cursing the most precious gift, this body of mine. I've mistreated it, I've mocked it. I want and need to learn how to be one with my body. I need to be less cerebral and more guttural.

I hope you all have a great day...and that I didn't pile it on too heavy.
Big Hugs!
T

17 comments:

Darlin1 said...

Loved this post....and can't wait to meet you !

Laura Belle said...

Best post of the day. Nope, week. Ah, hell, pretty much the month.

Thanks. I needed that too.

trisha said...

great post TR!! Most all of us that are food addicts need to learn to love ourselves first and foremost... which is so hard to do....

Ms. M said...

Awesome post. Definitely something I needed to hear today. Can't wait to see you in Chicago! :)

Lyla said...

Thanks for posting this.

Ronnie said...

I think this is the best thing I've read today, definitely not too heavy. Just what I needed!

♫ Drazil ♪ said...

Love this. Thank you.

JFBD said...

good stuff!

Kristin said...

Are you telling me I need to love my tummy? Because, gah, that's gonna take some work.

But I love this post. It's a keeper, and so are you.

Dawnya said...

This is a great post. Thank you for sharing it. We need to learn to love ourselves. We give so much of ourselves to others and what we have left is never enough.

I will buy this book tonight.

~Lisa~ said...

I loved reading your post - thank you.. I needed to read this right now, at this time in my life..

Kristin50 said...

This is fantastic! Sorry you are feeling the pressure of the past demons that you know exist. I am a stress eater as well, and I identify greatly with all you speak of in this post.

I posted about happiness on Monday and it speaks to something similar.

We have to love ourselves just as we are right here and now, it is a must that we get to this point to find Wellness, and peace.

I my dear cannot wait to meet you in Chicago!

Stephanie said...

Theresa, This post was exactly what I needed to hear today. After I had my neck surgery, I thought that I would be at peace with my body, now I've just been finding other parts of me to pick apart. My melted candle thighs, my national geographic boobs, my wide nose. I just need to accept that I am me and that people love me for who I am and that I need to love myself. Thanks so much for this!!!

vickyd said...

You are so right...I have been thinking about reading that book for a while but this just sealed the deal...I'm downloading it to my Kindle tonight!!

Amanda said...

I really needed this post today! I do think I am buying this book! Thanks.

speck said...

Hi Theresa,

I just found your blog and want to say how much I enjoyed the message you posted from the book. Very powerful.

Thanks for sharing.

Joey said...

OMG Theresa, I have this book too and have started it 3 different times in like 2 years. I love the author, even when she says things I don't want to hear. I found it very powerful that there are enough of us that feel the same way that it warrants a book. I always felt like I was the only one with this f'd up brain. For the last 2 days I have wanted to binge too....and I have to a degree (not like I would have 3 years ago). Damn you ice cream!

I adore you and will see you very soon!!!