What a weekend!

My birthday weekend was so busy, but so much fun! Friday night we had a Mardi Gras cocktail party, my kids had TWIRP dance on Saturday night one of my girlfriends hosted a little party for me. John and the kids waited on me all day Saturday and I had a really nice relaxing time. Here are a few pics to share.

Me and my cake all ablaze

Me and John at the cocktail party

Ginger, my BFF and me at the cocktail party

My youngest as Peter Pan and his date Tinkerbell

My oldest as Hercules and his date Meg.

By the way I made their costumes without sewing, love a good craft project. I hope you all have a great week.

Big Hugs!

T

My new do...

Okay, much adieu about a do. Here's my last year in the 40's new color and hair cut. Not the best picture, but I think you can tell what it looks like and that it doesn't look like Kate Goselin as my kids said.

Okay, so yesterday was great food wise until I got home and then suddenly a case of the crab ass hit me and I ate for comfort. I ate a one cup serving of a comfort food casserole...I call it McGiver chicken casserole, because I made it standing at the pantry with nothing but a piece of trip wire and a shoelace, lol. That wasn't too bad, but then I ate a handful of Cheeze Nips and a Little Debbie gingerbread man. The bad thing is that I wasn't even remotely hungry when I ate the last two things and so began the blatant bashing that goes on in my head when I eat for comfort. What I should do is say... "Well, Theresa....that was productive right? you feel comforted right? Yeah, I didn't think so, now let's move on and address what's really bothering you." It wasn't a total wash, I did not continue eating until I felt sick, that is something, right? But I did lash out irrationally at my hubby, because I was angry with myself (that make a lot of sense too, right?"

Okay, now I've got to be productive today at work and with my food. This morning, I had one of those moments when I was fixing my coffee. I use 1 teaspoon of real sugar in my coffee each morning and milk. I thought, I guess I could skip the sugar...dude, that's like 15 - 20 calories and the milk is about 45, then I was like, no, I like my coffee that way. I said, hey self, maybe it's this mentality that's keeping you from getting to your goal and then I said, I'm not willing to change that...maybe my goal just isn't important enough to me. I've got some thinking to do, don't I.

I hope you guys have a great day, and Chris, TWIRP is when the girls ask the boys to the dance it stands for the woman is required to pay, interesting. I'll post pictures for sure.

Big Hugs,
T

Hump day update!

Howdy! Well, well, well. First of all, thank you guys for your comments, support and advice. I'm really trying to turn things around for myself and get the rest of my weight off. You guys are always so good to me! Thanks. I have always tracked my food on myfittnesspal.com and really think it's pretty easy. But, with all the talk in blogland about livestrong.com, I tried yesterday to figure it out. I think it's just not as user friendly as the other, that or I'm just special. Either way, I think I have some learning to do first.

Tina gave me some good advice about just trying to make small changes, they really do add up. However, yesterday, not the best change day, I went over on the wine consumption at a friends birthday celebration. Oh well, it's one day in my life right? I've done very well food wise so far this week. I've been tracking and getting my protein over the 50 gram mark, for me that's hard. I read often that some people get 100 grams of protein in a day, I guess you would have to be supplementing to do that without going totally over on calories.

Yesterday I went to a new hairdresser...I've been with the same girl for so long and just thought I needed to shake things up a little. I changed my hair color recently and now, I have a new do to go with it. It's a little edgy for me, but I like it and my hubby said he likes it too. My youngest child told me I looked like Kate Goselin this morning, only without a ton of kids. I don't think so, trust me, it's not that haircut! Anyway, I tried to take a picture today to post, but I took like 10 at my desk and deleted them all, because I look like a spaz in each of them and you can't really see my do. Oh well.

Friday we have a Mardi Gras cocktail party, I'm going to get my spray on tan tomorrow so it will have time to process, lol! I'm excited, this is the Krewe that I was a Duchess in last year, so we are being presented for the final time. My duke was recently diagnosed with cancer and is undergoing treatment, it's so sad. He's a wonderful person and I hate to see him go through this. I'm hoping he will be well enough to come for the presentation. He and I have been friends for more than 20 years and I'm so glad that we got to be on the court together.

Saturday is my birthday, as I said I'm turning 49, my hubby's birthday is Monday, he'll be 43. He says that makes me a cougar, ha ha! We have a Mardi Gras ball to go to on Saturday, but we are going to stay home and enjoy ourselves there. It's TWIRP at school, so the kids will be getting ready and we will need to be taking pictures before. The theme is Disney Couples. My youngest is Peter Pan and his date is Tinker Bell. My oldest is Hercules and his date is Meg. I have some costumes to make before Saturday, it should be fun.

Today is a new day, so I'm going to wipe away the overindulgence of yesterday and concentrate on good choices today.

Take Care!
Big Hugs!
T

There's something in the air....

It's called personal responsibility. At least that's what I'm going to call it. I was reading Gilly's post about tracking and blogging and doing all those things that kept us accountable and losing in the beginning. Things that have fallen by the wayside for me. As I said in an earlier post, 2012 is the year that I plan to get to my goal. It shouldn't be that difficult to lose 40 pounds in a year, right? Well, if last year is any indication of my skill in that department, it may prove problematic. However, the thing that I do know is; as sad as it is...I need to lay of the wine for a while. I love wine, I just do, but it is loaded with empty calories and it is not helping me reach my goal. So, it's time to do something about it. Why does that not put a smile on my face? The other thing I need to do is to continue to track my food, to do it honestly and to make a real effort to get my protein count up. It's something I struggle with, especially when I'm having a tight band day. The third thing I know I need to do is recommit myself to exercise. I know that it is the difference for me between losing and just hanging in the same spot. So, today, it starts...I will let you know how it's going.

On another note: today is the 35th anniversary of my mother's death. If she were alive she would be 85! I can't imagine what it would be like to have her in my life at this stage. I miss her, I wish that her life had been different, that I hadn't lost her when I did. I wonder what my life would have been like if I had my parents with me during my teenage years. But, I am who I am today because of all those experiences and at this stage in my life, I'm starting to like that person more and more each day.

I had a really nice weekend, John went deer hunting and the kids were with their other parents, so Friday night I spent time with my sister, Saturday we went to see "Iron Lady" it was great, Saturday night we had a girls night, then Sunday I finished up all my housework and enjoyed hanging out watching football with John, it was a wonderful relaxing weekend. I'm looking forward to a week of good choices. Anyone with some inspiration for me...feel free to share it!

Big Hugs!
T

Thanks y'all!

Thanks for all the sweet comments yesterday. I appreciate them very much. The picture I posted was a comparison from 2 years prior and this year. So, there is a 60 pound difference in them not 5 pounds... I forget that some people haven't been following my long drawn out journey the whole time, lol! Anyway the fact that I haven't lost more than 5 pounds to speak of since last year at this time is a big deal to me in a couple of ways. It's a big deal, becaue...well, I've essentially stopped losing weight, short of my goal and it's a big deal, because...well....I didn't gain any weight last year!! Woo hoo! For me to say that is amazing. Even in the years when I lost lots of weight on a serious diet, I always in the course of a year started gaining the weight back. So, this 5 pound loss is a good thing for me and something I need to be kinder to myself about. That being said, it's time for me to formulate a plan to get the rest of this weight off. As I told you guys, I've been working with a guy who's doing a program for WLS patients, and he is going to help me figure out what's holding me back emotionally. I do believe that the fact that I haven't gotten to my goal weight has more to do with my head than my body. I know I have some hurdles to overcome and this is the year that I plan to overcome them. But, this year I plan to overcome them with kindness and understanding. I no longer want to berate myself for having fallen short of a goal. It's time for me to recognize the goodness in where I am right now, fully appreciate how far I've come, make an honest assessment of what I want for the future and map out a plan to get there. I know that I can get there without being cruel to myself and without suffering too much. I'm thankful for this community of support. You mean so much to me.
Have a great Wednesday!
Big Hugs,
T

Mardi Gras...again!

Hey there! How are you? I hope all is well. I've been busy, but things are good. It's Mardi Gras again down here in Louisiana. So, carnival season is in full swing. I've been a little bummed out, because I thought last year at this time that by the next year I'd be at my goal weight, but here I am just about 5 pounds from last year at this time. I dug up a picture from 2010 and did a comparison, just to make my self feel better about things. I have to remember that I have come a long way and I do feel much better about myself. I wore a size size large dress to the party and I really no longer feel like the biggest thing in the room anymore. It's funny how I've settled into my body at this weight and it has now become a new heavy for me...when I first got to this weight, I really felt thin, it's all about perspective.

The one on the left is John and me in 2010 and the one on the right is us on Saturday.

I have been really struggling with a tight band for about two weeks, but now things seem to be better. My band is so strange, hormonal fluctuation and stress of any kind really does a number on me. I was about to go get a total unfill on Monday and then suddenly, it's all good. Strange!

My birthday is this month, I'll be 49. As I approach the final year of my forties, I have so much to be thankful for. I am without a doubt, in better shape than I was at 30 or 40 and my goal is to be even better at 50. Approaching 50 is so interesting, there are many things about myself that I really, truly like. Although I'm still hard on myself and struggle with self esteem. I'm much more comfortable with myself than ever before. I'm extremely happy with my marriage, my husband is a dear man...he treats me with respect and kindness every day and he is patient beyond words. This morning he was grumbling about going to work and I said, I'm sorry you have to work so hard and that you have so much responsibility taking care of our family, he just laughed and said, I love taking care of you. And you know what? I believe him. That in itself is amazing. When he tells me he loves me and thinks I look good, I think he's telling me the truth.

I've come a long way baby (to quote the old Virginia Slims commercials) and even though I have a bit farther to go, I feel good about the progress. I've tried to be kinder to myself this year and I have. As I start this new year and reflect on the last one, my goal for the year is to get to goal. Although I'm not sure if that entails losing 30 or 40 pounds yet, but I'll know it when I get there. And...I want to turn my thought process around. I will spend the year learning a new way to think. As far as a word for the year, this sounds strange but my word is SHIFT.

SHIFT, defined: To exchange for or replace by another; to change the place, position or duration of. So....my intention for 2012 is to shift, shift my weight, my attitude and all that comes with it. I hope you all are having a great start to the year.

Big Hugs!

T

Here we go....

Okay folks, I'm still alive. Thank you for still following me during my little lapse here. I have so much to say, but am not sure how to organize my thoughts with so much rattling around in my head, so...I'm going to start first with the things I learned about myself through the extensive personality testing I did with the "life coach."

When I took the personality test with the him, I learned somethings about myself that I think are contributing to my overall crap storm of emotions. I learned that the aesthetic portion of my attitude ranking was off the charts, I am motivated by the arts, music, creative expression, the second thing that is my biggest motivator is the social aspect. These things I have known about myself, I also know that I am not a competitive person, I am a team player and don't have a need or desire to be in charge. There were two areas of my personality that he pointed out to me that were in the low range, he said that in all the time he has been doing this, he has noticed a trend....that women who are low in these two areas are often in abusive relationships. I found that to be so interesting and so true of course, as I was in a very long abusive marriage. He also pointed out that the thing that fuels me, that gives me energy is conversation. I know that to be true as well.

One of the things I specifically wanted to talk to him about was my shortcomings when it comes to goal setting and achieving goals. He's a very interesting man who is very perceptive and he just really pointed out some things to me about that inner critic that I struggle so much with. He asked why I don't have daily goals and I told him, because I've never been good at setting goals, that I don't generally reach my goals and so, setting goals only makes me feel more inadequate. He did a survey with me...and very long story short, said that there are lies we tell ourselves that evoke a feeling and if we can pinpoint when we started feeling this way and telling ourselves these lies, that with practice, we can change the physical reaction to that feeling. For instance, he said that when you first learn that something is hot, you may have touched it to realize it, when you did that, your hand recoiled and it registered in your brain that hot things will burn you. The next time you encountered the hot item, your arm did not recoil and you did not yelp or feel like you were in danger, you just didn't touch it again, you filed it away and you had an appropriate reaction to it. But, if you struggle with self esteem because when you were five someone said you were fat, you told yourself that was true, you did not learn to just file it away appropriately. You're likely to be able to feel that feeling again and again and you have to retrain yourself to know that you're not in danger and that once you do that, with practice, you can do that with lots of negative feelings.

He's showing me how to break my day down into manageable moments and how to get good at setting goals and keeping them. He really made a lot of sense and I know there are things he can help me with. He can help me stay motivated at work and with my weight loss goals. I have lots more to talk about, but that's enough for today.

Now...he wants to help 5 other people, so that he can gather data for his project and get feedback from others like me. So, if you're struggling to get to the end of your journey or if you've back slid a little and need some help and if you're not afraid to do a little digging into your feelings. He's willing to do it for free, if you're willing to share your results, the test alone is a $300.00 value. If you're interested, please let me know, leave me your email address and I'll be in touch. I can only take 5.

I hope you guys have a great day. Big Hugs!

T