It's Thursday and all is right with the world!

Hello. I hope all is right with you as well.  I have a lot to talk about.  I think I'll just use the trusty bullets:

• I have indeed reaffirmed my vows and my feelings for my band.  I'm in love all over again.  My band is magically in perfect adjustment!  I haven't thrown up in more than a week.  I feel great, no pain when I eat.
• I am fully aware that the fact that my band is being nice is due in great part to me being nice to it.  I have been listening to my body in a way that I had forgotten to before.  I have been following the rules.
• My hubby is on his second week of the Paleo diet and he's rocking it.  He looks great, he feels great and he's completely dedicated to it.
• I have been doing a modified version of the Paleo diet, (still including some dairy) and last night I had pita and kibbie.  I can say that I did not feel as well this morning as I have on the days after eating clean foods with no gluten.
• I am going to slowly wean myself from dairy, it will be hard, but I think I can do it.
• I've also decided to back of the wine for a while again.  On Friday night I had a vodka with club soda and that was tasty, plus I didn't over serve as easily as I would with the wine.
• Today I am 6 months away from turning 50.  I feel more confident today that I will reach my goal before I turn 50 then I have since I got banded.
• I have lost the weight I put on over Mother's Day. Today, I am 1 pound from my lowest post band weight.  That feels good.  I am 7 pounds from onederland....I want to get there this month.  Again, I feel confident that I can do it.
• Emotionally I'm in a really good place right now.  I feel really good about myself.
• I'm busy with rehearsals for the variety show I do each year.  I'm excited about that, but it's always hard to juggle family responsibilities with the show.

I guess that about covers it.  I hope you all have a great day and a great weekend.  I'm looking forward to some relaxation!

Big Hugs!
T

525,600 minutes... the philosophical post

click on this link to listen:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hj7LRuusFqo


This is one of my favorite songs from any musical.  Take a moment to watch and listen, so you too can sing it for the rest of the day!  I have been thinking a lot lately...I know that can be dangerous.  But, I have.  Today I sat down to write a post about how much I have learned in the time that I've been banded.  In the 823 days, 117 weeks or the 1,094,297 minutes that I've had a relationship with this little piece of plastic.  I have learned so much.

So, how do you measure a year....how do you measure time? In sunsets, in cups of coffee, in love or as so many of us do...in pounds!  There is so much more that my band has done for me besides help me lose weight.  It's given me peace, and it's given me a measure of control and it's given me hope.  My relationship with my band has been very much like a marriage.

In my first year with the band, it was like the honeymoon stage, I was so in love with it, I was careful what I did, I never wanted to hurt it's feelings or show my bad side. I wanted only to keep it happy.  It served me well, we were new to each other...we were in love.

In my second year with the band, it was like the second year of marriage. I'd grown accustomed to the band, I was taking it for granted. I couldn't quite remember the way I felt when I first got it, I mean I still loved it, but the love wasn't as new and exciting.  I tested it, I wanted to see just how much it would put up with.  Would it endure my hormonal rants? It was no longer new.  The things I once found endearing, were cumbersome at times.  I didn't want to chew or stay away from bread...I pushed it...and I paid the price.  I wasn't the only one who paid the price, there were two sides to the story, my band suffered as well.

So began my third year, the newlywed stuff was over. Our relationship had evolved. I had a new appreciation for my band, I wanted to show it that I had changed.  But I was nervous too....I hoped I hadn't gone too far.  I hoped I hadn't pissed it off one too many times.  What if it was tired of me now? I started hearing stories about other relationships like ours, about how some bands decided to start pushing back.  Some bands got abusive and the end result was divorce. Some of these relationships were just plain over, no matter how hard they tried.  But then again, some bands were in it for the long haul, some of the relationships had become symbiotic, some were effortless.

So here I am, 117 days into my third year.  I'm regretting the way I mistreated my band and I'm hopeful that my band will continue to put up with me.  I started being kinder. I've learned some valuable lessons in this time, I'm still learning.  I learned that I did not want to know what it was like to be without this tool that I love.  I learned that getting back to the basics was what I needed to do to salvage this relationship.  And you know what?...I learned that I can still lose weight. When I'm honest with myself and I track my food honestly...the scale will reward me.  So, I reaffirmed my vows to my Band, I took a long weekend and spent some time remembering why I got in this relationship (like looking at your wedding pictures after a spat.)  I'm ready for the rest of this journey.  I don't take my relationships lightly, this is no exception.  I know there will be good times and bad.  But I've got a new feeling of commitment.  I'm going to reach my goal and I'm going to do it in my third year of band marriage.

Happy Monday!
Big Hugs!
T

Friday's Letters

We can give this a try:

Dear Ex-Husband,
 I hate summer visitation schedule.  The week that the boys are with me goes too quick, the week they are with you feels like an eternity.

Dear Current Husband,
 I love you, and I'm so proud of you for sticking to  your diet this week, even when work is so overwhelming.  You've helped me eat better this week too.

Dear scale,
 Thanks for today!

Dear Band,
 Make up your mind!

Dear Negative People,
 Snap out of it!

Dear rehearsal schedule,
  Please don't interfere with my family too much!

Dear House,
 Get ready to be cleaned!!

Dear Friday,
 What took you so long?

Dear Blogland,
 Thanks... and... Big Hugs,
 T
 

Sad....

Hey guys, how are you?  I hope all is well.  This has been a really sad week.  One of my dear friends lost his battle with cancer this week.  SJ has been my friend for more than 25 years.  I often speak of the variety show I do each summer.  SJ has been in that show since it's beginning, 40 years ago.  He was my Duke on our Mardi Gras Court and he was a special person.  He only found out he was sick 6 months ago.  He had Pancreatic, Liver and Lung cancer.  It was tragic.  SJ is the second cast mate from the show to pass since the show last summer and we have another cast mate who is battling cancer right now.  It's times of loss like this that make you realize how fragile life is.  I mean the picture of us singing karaoke was taken 3 months before he found out he was sick.  As I attended the funeral services and visited with his wife and kids, my heart just breaks for them and what they must endure.  I hope that I never have to experience the loss of my husband.  I think about our Barbara and all that she has been through.  It's just tough. 

I start rehearsals for the show next week, my buddy won't be there to sit with at rehearsals, to go over lines with and to practice our songs together.  But, I will always treasure the fun times we had when he was here and he was healthy. Rest in Peace, SJ!

 me and SJ singing Sonny and Cher!

When we were Duchess and Duke...good times.

I'm looking forward to the weekend.  I hope you have a great day.

Big Hugs,

T



Perspective....

Happy hump day! I'm so glad that this week is half over.  I'm ready for the weekend already.  Thanks for all of your comments on my last post.  I'm constantly amazed at the great support system we have going here.  As part of my "reaffirming my vows" with the band, I've been trying to really think about the helplessness I felt before I was banded.  I was at my sister's house Sunday and we were looking at old photo albums.  I was shocked to see this picture of  myself from Christmas 2004.  I'm so happy that I'm not there anymore, in so many ways, emotionally, physically...just in so many ways, I'm so much happier now.  I think it's important to keep our eyes toward the future, but also important not to lose track of the past. 

Have a great rest of the week,

Big Hugs!

T

A word about being too tight.

Hey there, happy Thursday.  I hope all is going well with you.  Thanks for your sweet comments on my pity post about my phone and all.  And Kristin, yes I'm up for a challenge, I think that's a great idea, I'll message you on FB.

Now...on to an interesting topic.  I have struggled with my band a lot over the past year, being too tight, too loose and then tight again.  It's been 9 months since I had an adjustment and most of the time I think my fill level is just right, I am the issue.  I always was one to push the limits.  I do this with my band too.  I don't particularly like this about myself, but I must be honest and say that when I have an issue, 9 times out of 10, it could have been avoided, if I had been more careful or more mindful of my band and it's nuances.  Anyway, last year I had to get a little unfill because I was really struggling....I looked back on my blog trying to find a time-line of things and I was shocked by how long I had let things go being way to tight.  I then read my post about the unfill and the sheer excitement I felt being able to eat and drink, and how much better I felt immediately after eating real food.  Right after I got that unfill I went to the Dr. for my yearly blood work and found out that I was B-12 deficient and anemic.  I know that at that time I was not getting the proper nutrition, I wasn't really taking my vitamins either, because it was such a struggle to take medicine.  This year I went for my yearly blood work and everything was good, I was a little deficient in vitamin D, but everything else was great.  I'm taking a long time to explain all this, but anyway....I was malnourished.  About 7 months ago I noticed this divot in my thumbnail right at the quick it was a a horizontal crater looking area and I thought maybe I had jammed my nail and didn't realize it.  But now that it's grown out, I realized that there is a horizontal divot on all of my fingernails in the exact same place.  When I went for my blood work, I showed my Dr.  he said they are called Beau's lines and they are an indication of trauma to the body, like if I had a Scarlet Fever or a heart attack or took chemo therapy.  Obviously that has not happened, he said it also shows up in people with malnutrition. Hmmmm.  My nails are looking healthy now, but here is a picture of one of them and you can see the Beau's line that will soon make it to the end of my nail.



I was really shocked by this.  I was especially shocked that I could be malnourished and not lose any weight at the time.  I really do care about my health.  When I got the lapband, I did it as much for my health as I did to look better and feel better about myself.  I remember reading blog after blog while I was researching the band and when I read about people who were obviously not doing what was best for them, I was judgmental and I thought to myself..."I'll never be one of those people, I would never throw up and then try to eat again....I would never eat bread if I knew it would make me sick...I would never do this, or do that."  Well, well, well, after 2 years, I have to honestly say that I've done just about everything that I thought I wouldn't do.  I have let my food addiction rule me and I have made choices that were not in my own best interest.  I've started reading some of my old posts, trying to get a feel for the way I was feeling back then, the honeymoon is definitely over, but I am still in love with my band.  It's just time to re-affirm our vows, or something of the sort.  I saw the interview with the David the 650 pound virgin who lost so much weight and has now put on 250 pounds again.  I see myself in him, I can't imagine where I would be if I hadn't had WLS.  It's just so easy to fall back into old habits.  I had my yearly lady doc appointment today and when I weighed in, it was 210, that's 5 pounds above my lowest since banding.  I can do better than this.  I need to do better than this I want to lose at the very least 30 pounds before my 50th birthday.  In order to do that I need to eat better foods.  I need protein in my diet, I have never done protein powders because I thought I should be able to get the protein in my regular diet.  I'm thinking I should try it for a while.  So, I'll take suggestions from anyone who has a favorite.  So, there you have it in a nut shell...I've been hanging out at the same darn weight for about a year, I've not been treating my body well and it's time that I make some changes.  You read it here first folks.

I'll leave you with a cute picture of me and my boys from Easter Sunday.  The river behind me is denial!  Have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T



Started out pretty bad...

but then it got better.... here is a bullet point summary of why.

• Saturday was a great day, we had a huge karaoke party at our house....I drank way too much wine and woke up with a terrible hangover on Sunday....the worst I've had since I've been banded.
• When I woke up with said hangover, all I wanted to do was eat greasy food and drink lots of cold water.  STUCK like a truck on everything, thus began the day of Hell.  I'd take a sip and PB and then try to eat something and PB again.  I was miserable.  So, since then, I've been on a very soft diet trying to let my band settle down and love me again.
• I did not sleep well Sunday night, so that added to my overall crabbiness, so last night at 7:30 pm I took one Tylenol PM and I've been in a drug induced coma-like state all day.
• This morning I couldn't find my sunglasses, and I was huffing about the kitchen, when I turned quickly in front of the sink, my IPhone flew in the sink full of water.
• I started crying. My sweet husband grabbed it quick and dried it off. I was sad.
• When I got to the office I realized there was no sound on my phone and I could only text.
• Things start to get better though.  Sweet husband repeatedly checks on me to make sure my day is getting better
• Then I got a new phone today...I got the new IPhone and Siri is possibly the best thing that could happen to someone like me who is nearly blind and can't see to text! Yay.
• I got a new purse, and sunglasses too, because I was so pissed that I couldn't find my glasses and that my phone flew out of my purse!
• I thought that all my stuff wasn't backing up when I synced my phone and I was stressed that I might lose my photos, but I didn't and all is right with my world.

In other news.  My weight is still hanging about the same.  I'm still holding on to 4 or 5 pounds from Mother's Day....who'd have thought that it would stick? I sure didn't but it appears to be very happy.  I don't see how, when I have days that I barely eat.  I will blog tomorrow about some issues that come along with an ill-adjusted band and plans to get the rest of my weight off before I turn 50...oy!

I hope you all have a great day.  As I said mine started out pretty sucky, but it's much better now.
Take care,
Big Hugs...
T