Monday, August 6, 2012

Old Blogger tells all!

Hey guys, how are you?  I hope all is well.  I know it's been a while since I've blogged.  I'm falling into that same space that most of us do, after a few years of blogging, I'm running out of things to post about.  When I first started blogging, I was very insecure about my decision to have weight loss surgery.  I was so anxious to find information, I was determined to make an informed decision and I wanted to know everything I could about the lap band.  I was naive, I thought that because I read about something, that I knew about it.  Let me just say for the can never know what the band feels like until you have one.  You can think you do, but you don't.  I remember reading all sorts of blogs and saying all of the nevers.....
  • I will never throw up from eating too quickly!
  • I will never eat more than I should!
  • I will never have to be reminded to chew my food!
  • I will never be one of those people that doesn't appreciate my band!
  • I will never try to eat something I shouldn' bread or pasta!
  • I will never get lazy and not want to exercise and try really hard!
  • I will never take for granted the tool that I have!
  • I will never look at my progress and not be thankful!
  • I will never...this and....I will never that....and...on and on and on!
Well you know what....I did all of those nevers... and sometimes... I still do.  Each day I have to remind myself that this is a lifelong commitment to better health, not just a smaller butt!  I found myself doing all the things I didn't think I'd do.  I also said I'd never let my BMI or my weight reflect the way I feel about myself.  That's not always easy.  Although, most of the time, I feel pretty good about myself. I really want to have my weight begin with a 1! It consumes my thoughts at times and makes me feel like it's just not attainable for me.  My BMI is 30.4, I'm still in the obese category by 1/2 a point.  Then I'll have 5 points to go from there just to be considered normal weight.  When I started this journey my BMI was 40, at my heaviest it was 42.5.  I'm happy that I've lost weight, that I'm healthier, but DAMN! I don't want to still be considered obese after all of this, and I don't even know if I'll ever be out to the over weight category. It's disheartening at times.  I'm still doing Weight Watchers, I am still really trying.  The scale did not move last week, but it did this week, but only by .6.  I have to just keep on going.  Sometimes, I want to just say...screw it, I am who I am, I'm just going to love me like I am.  But, I want to get to my goal...for once in my life, I want to get to my goal weight.  How do you keep up the good fight after  2 years and 5 months? How do you just put one foot in front of the other? I don't know...I guess, you just do.  Today is one of those days when, I find it hard not to feel sorry for myself.  I want to just be there already.  I want to have something to show for my hard work.  But then, I have to stop and realize that I do!

My husband is still doing great on the Paleo diet and is down 27 pounds...that is probably fueling my discontent.  It's not fair that men can lose so much quicker than women do, especially old women like me.  He is so sweet to me and he always tells me that my body is changing and I look like I've lost weight....yada, yada, then why won't the f*ing scale just move!

Okay, my rant is over. 

This weekend, the hubby and I went to the deer camp and hung out with friends, drank a little too much, chilled out and just got away from it all.  It was really nice.

I'll leave you a picture of my Hubby and I sitting on the porch of the camp, good times!

Have a good weekend!!
Big Hugs!


vickyd said...

Dontcha just hate how fast guys lose weight? My husband made a few small changes in his diet (mainly because he was too busy with work to snack) and lost 15 lbs!!

Ronnie said...

I hate men's metabolisms. Ugh.

You do look great, and 0.6 lbs lost this week is better than a gain! You lost 5 lbs (or was it 6?) your first week, so it was bound to stall week 2. You're doing all the right things, you just have to keep on keepin' on. :)

adorkbl said...

Ugh... my hubby is the same way. He just commented today how I am catching up to him. But he has started working out with me now, so I told him I will never catch him now. lol. He drops 25 pounds by quiting soda!

Kristin50 said...

Men lose because of their muscle ratio to ours is greater. I will tell you if you do Body Pump you WILL see results. As you build muscle your body revs up that metabolism and WOWZA!

I think you look fabulous and I understand all of what you say here!

It is a fantastic post! And everyone contemplating bands needs to hear it!

Hugs to you and any loss is better than a gain no matter how small.

RockBand Barbie said...

My husband can walk to the mailbox and back and drop 5 pounds. He actually has to work at keeping enough weight him...makes me sick :)

Sam said...

I love your 'never' list, I remember thinking the same things. And I too have done all of them. I guess after two and half years we just have to remind ourselves that we have come so far and refocus so that we can get the rest of the way. I still think the band is the best decision I ever made, I just wish I would respect it more and help it do the job it was made to do :o) best of luck to both you and me!!

Michelle said...

Thanks for the never list! I see I'm not alone

Jacquie said...

The pic of you and the hubs says it all!

DiZneDiVa said...

You look great and so happy!

Amy said...

keep on keepin' on. you have changed so much. look at all of those "nevers" -- you recognize them and that's a very important part. It doesn't make anything easier though. *hugs*

Laura Belle said...

You'll get there!!! I know it! Just sit down and re-evaluate everything. Your eating, exercise, goals, etc. Maybe start a few new goals, short goals that can be reached. That might help you get your 'mental' enthusiasm back. IDK.

But you can do this!!!

FitBy40 said...

Yup, I hate your husband, in the nicest, most loving way!
I'm in the same spot as you...sort of fizzled out. Let's get back into the game, we can do it together!