Day 2 for sassy new hair do....not too sassy!

Why can't I get my hair to be cute like it is when I leave the hairdresser? I makes me crazy. So, today, I'm not feeling it. I did everything right, my hair is rarely affected by the weather, it just gets straighter with humidity. My hair is like the pair of jeans that fit so good in the store, then you get them home and all hell breaks loose. When I try on jeans, they must think I'm doing gymnastics in the dressing room, I sit, stand, squat, get myself in every imaginable position to make sure the jeans are right.....every position except for the one that I get in the moment I pull the tags off! So, as soon as I figure out how to fix the sassy new do, it's a sassy new don't!

Today has gotten away from me!

So, today is my second day back at work and I feel absolutely great. I can't believe it. Yesterday by the time I got home I was crying, I was all emotional and had a throw down with my brother/boss (thank God he's my brother, he didn't run me off.) I was super tired and bloated and just didn't feel well. I went home fixed some soup for myself, took some Tylenol and GasX a went to bed at 8:00. I woke feeling like a new woman!

So, today went great, I have 1 hour left at work and am not tired at all. I was really hungry yesterday and was having serious pain with the rumblings. But in retrospect, I think those bad pains were more like gas than hunger. I'm barely hungry at all today and have plenty of energy. I was able to leave today to go get a haircut and I really changed my hairstyle. It's sassy and fun. My husband is out of town on business until tomorrow, maybe that added to my crabby pattiness last night. I was tired and lonesome.

I weighed today and, I wasn't going to weigh until I went to see my doc on Thursday, but I couldn't help myself. I'm down 11 pounds since my surgery. I was a little shocked. I don't feel like I've lost anything, because my stomach is still pretty swollen. How long does it take for the swelling to go down? I'm tired of the pregnant look.

All in all, another good day. I'm glad I did this and I'm glad my recovery has gone so smoothly. I hope everyone is doing well and thanks so much for all of your supportive comments. You guys rock.

Hugs,
Tess

I'm back at work and feeling fine!

First, thank you all so much for the wonderful comments and encouragement. I can't believe I'm banded and I'm really feeling good. I'm back at work this morning and not having any issues at all. Looking back on the whole experience, it wasn't bad at all. The first night was rough, but after that I just kept getting stronger and stronger. Getting up and moving really helped a great deal with the stiffness and gassy feelings. I haven't taken anything for pain since the first night. So, all in all, I would say, not too shabby.

My doc allows thinned solids on the first week, so after day two I had some mashed potatoes thinned and I've had cottage cheese for breakfast this morning. Once I was able to have a little something more substantial than liquids, my energy level really picked up and I'm feeling good. I'm really lucky to be a back sleeper, since my neck injury I had to learn to sleep on my back and I'm really glad that I do, sleep has not been an issue.

I see my doc on Thursday at 9:30, and according to the nurse, he may advance me to solids already. I experienced a little hunger yesterday, but I ate a very small amount of mashed potatoes and was completely satisfied.

So, Pearl and I are getting to know each other and I'm so thankful that I've had this blog community to prepare me for the surgery and the time to follow, you guys are absolutely the best. Thank you so much!

Day two, not so bad.

I had a rough night last night, mostly from the pain medicine I think. I haven't taken anything but liquid Tylenol and I'm feeling okay now. A little gassy and sore in incisions, but today is much better than last night. I told my husband if these little incisions hurt this much, I'll never get a tummy tuck or a boob job. I'm trying to drink some protein shake right now, but it's not sitting well. I'm going for a lovely cup of broth now. Take care and thanks for all of your support. I'll write more later.

I'm banded baby!

It's 3:00 pm do you know where your band is? I do! Yay! All went well, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm not experiencing gas pain yet, but the port incision is pretty sore. Getting up from lying down is pretty painful, but I must say, not too bad of an experience. I'll post more later, but just wanted to let you guys know I'm alive and well and Pearl has been placed. Thank you so much for your support. You guys mean the world to me. And Camille and Jacquie I hope you are feeling well. Take care.
Love you guys!
Tess

NSD and other last minute pre-band ramblings.

NSD? Yeah, that's non-scale defeats. I've spent countless hours day dreaming about what life will be like when I can post my first NSV ahhh, sweet victory. Will it come in the form of a collar bone here? a hip bone there? or the one I dream most about......

Me fitting in that damn chair!

(Date night for my husband and I is always at the same spot, our favorite little cafe, there is a great New Orleans style courtyard/patio area, we often sit out there, but they have these wrought iron chairs and well....frankly they are not ass friendly! So, the one I dream most of is to fit in that chair!



Tomorrow is the big day. I'm ready, well I guess ready as I'll ever be. Thanks for letting me know I'm not going through this alone.



Hugs

Tess



PS

can't wait to report as a new bandster.

I love you guys.....I really do!

Thank you so much for your encouragement, support and experience! I am so blessed to have found all of you. It's like having your very own panel of experts. I'm feeling a little better today. Still anxious, but I went to have my pre-op testing done today, the EKG, chest x-ray and blood work.

Last year I had major neck surgery and the day after I had all my pre-op stuff done, my surgeon's office called to tell me that there was something off on the EKG, so I needed to go for a nuclear stress test, which would postpone my surgery. So, one of my best friends happens to be a cardiologist and he gets me in quickly and promises to read my results as I wait, because I really needed the surgery. I do the stress test, my friend comes in to read it, and looks at me very seriously and says, "Have you been having chest pains or shortness of breath?" I'm like....NO?!?! Why? He says, there is something here, I can't tell what it is, but it looks like a blockage at the back side of your heart, I'm gonna have to cath you before I can let you have surgery. I freak the heck out, because before I was just worried about being paralyzed now I think I'm gonna have a heart attack. So, the next morning at 7am I'm in the Cath Lab, with my dear friend feeding a line through the artery in my groin under x-ray (if that doesn't test a friendship, I don't know what does!). The end result was my friend telling me that I had the heart of a 26 year old, the ass of a 60 year old, but a young heart indeed.

So, and there was a purpose to the sidebar, today after my EKG, I told the girl this story and she said, well you don't have to worry about that this time, it looks good, just a slow heart beat (from one of my high blood pressure meds.) I was thrilled to hear about that. So, now I'm just waiting. As I said, my Doc does not expect me to do a liquid diet and so I haven't but today I thought, well, I'll do it today and tomorrow, it can't hurt right? Well, it does hurt... I'm soooo hungry. I don't know how you guys are doing this for so long.

I did a lot of blog reading last night and going back to early posts when people were feeling aprehensive just like me. That, and all of your kind words made me feel so much better. I can't wait to embark on this journey. I feel prepared and I feel so lucky to have all of you to help me.
Thanks so much.

Hugs!!!!
Tess

Okay, I'm a little scared...

and....a little cranky too. I've been so involved in trying to get this surgery date scheduled and trying to get my insurance approval that I have been pre-occupied. Well, on Thursday I'm getting the band and now, I'm feeling a little scared, a little nervous and I keep thinking, what if this doesn't work?

I don't want to fail at this. I want to finally get my weight under control. I'm so afraid that this will be like the other times, that I'll have some success in the beginning and then I'll just quit. How can I wrap my head around losing this weight when all of the successes I've had previously were so short lived? I read other blogs, that makes me feel better, but....but....why is there always a but?

Are these feelings normal? Did anyone else feel like their skin could not contain them? Did anyone else lash out irrationally at those you love the most? Please God, don't let it just be me.
Let me be successful at this. Let me get this part of my life under control.

Okay, I'm gonna stop now, I'm making myself even more nervous. It's Monday......Thursday is just around the corner. Have a great day folks.
Tess

So Drazil won't cry her eyes out this weekend!

1. If you could be a weather forecast, what would you be and why? Well, I would be fair with bluebird skies, the only clouds--the big poofy cottony ones, with a low of 58 and a high of 70, you know picnic weather, perfect all day, sweater at night. Why? because I'm not really opposed to any kind of weather, other than Hurricanes, which I've had enough of. The weather never really affects my mood, unless it's that kind of perfect, let's have a picnic kind.
2. If you could be a crayon, what color would you be and why? I would be the granny smith apple green, and of course I'd be in the big box with the sharpener on the back, brand new, man does anyone else love the smell of crayons like I do?
3. What is/was your biggest physical goal you want to do when you hit your goal weight? I want to run a 5k with my son and I want to walk in my closet, put something on and not agonize about what all I have to camouflage.
4. If you could be any animal, what would it be and why?A bird. A bright red cardinal, but then that would make me a dude. Anyway, a bird.
5. Just because I’m new to some followers and I’m curious – let’s do a put it out there in black and white stat question.
What was your highest weight? More than most starting linemen in the NFL, I'm not brave enough yet to put it in black and white, maybe soon
What is your weight now? See previous answer.
What is your goal weight if you have one? I think 160.
What is your goal size if you have one? I don't know that either, sizes have really changed since I was in a lower size.
What diet/exercise to you follow/have if any? I'm getting the band next week!
How did you lose the weight current to today? Still in chunky-ville.
6. What’s your best advice for people in this weight loss journey? I'll let you know in a year.
7. Have you ever shaved your whootananny? Of course.

I had my pre-op appointment this afternoon.

I got all of my questions answered and I have to be there for 7 o'clock on Thursday. They had me scheduled for Wednesday by mistake, but my husband and I have already scheduled the days off from work, so Thursday it will be. Here are my questions and his answers.
1. What kind of band will I get? The Lap Band AP System.
2. How much saline does it hold? 10cc for the standard band.
3. Will I have any fluid in the band when it is placed? No, but the port will be primed, so there will be saline in the tube, meaning when I have my first fill, it will take less.
4. Why was a liquid pre-op diet not required? Their practice requires eating light for 7 days prior to surgery and liquids after midnight the night before, because, in his words..."Generally when someone is having weight loss surgery, they are not good at a very restrictive diet." He said only patients with very high BMI's are required to loose weight prior to surgery and the main reason is so if there were complications, they could get a cat scan or other test, that have a weight limit on the tables. Also, about the liver, he said my BMI was not high enough to cause concern.
5. Will I have liquid pain meds? No, small tablets will be fine for me to take.
6. Where will the port be placed and do I have a choice? Generally the port is placed on the left hand side about two inches above the belly button. He said he likes it there, because it doesn't interfere with the bra line and it is easy to access, but not very visible, when you lose weight.
7. Can I get a low profile port? The band I'm getting has one choice, but the standard port is relatively low in profile anyway.
8. How many incisions will I have? 4
9. How are the incisions closed? Staples
10. How long on liquids after? 1 week on full liquids, which includes pudding, jello and creamy soups. 1 week on mushies. 3rd week on to solids.
11. Will I have to do a barium swallow? No, unless there is a problem swallowing.
12. How long do I have to wait for my first fill? 6-7 weeks. He said the reason for this (I had never heard this explanation) is because your port is in an area that has a lot of swelling and trauma, before your first fill, he needs to be sure that all the swelling has subsided, you are completely healed and there is no infection, he said you want to avoid passing the needle through infection at all costs.

He did ask me if I was sure this was the surgery I wanted instead of Gastric Bypass or the gastric sleeve. I said yes, I'm sure. He said he was ready to see me succeed.
I'm ready to! Last night I took my measurements and my before pictures. I will get brave enough soon to post those.

Thank you all for your support. I'm ready and I feel very prepared, thanks to all of the information I've gotten from these great blogs. Have a great night.
Hugs.
Tess

Thanks Camille,

For also nominating me for the "Sugar Doll" award. I feel a kinship with Camille, as we will be banded 1 day apart. It's going to be fun sharing the journey with you. You can visit Camille's blog at http://livinglargeincc.blogspot.com/ she's funny and has great reviews of beauty and bath products.

Today at 3:00 I go for my pre-op appointment with my surgeon, I have my list in hand of questions to ask him, thanks Band Groupie and LDSwims for the advice on additional questions. I'm so ready, one week from today I'll be on the band wagon.

Have a great Thursday.
Hugs,
Tess

I've been remiss

Thank you Band Groupie (http://bandgroupiethesweetspot.blogspot.com/)
for the "Sugar Doll" award. It made me feel great, I love your blog and I read it religiously. I love your drawings and you are an example of great band success.



I've really been terribly remiss, last week, Bonnie (http://wishingandhopingandprayingforaband.blogspot.com/)

and Jacquie (http://jax0120.blogspot.com/)

nominated me for a Sunshine Award and I promptly forgot to award others and pay it forward. I would like to offer an apology and cop out and nominate all of my faithful followers and commenters today for both of these awards. I love you all. You have been instrumental in my getting through this whole insurance waiting period, and you all are the reason that I feel at peace with my decision to get the band and my feeling so prepared. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you all.




So, thank you for these honors ladies. I love the support and camaraderie that we share here in band blog land, complete with our own little awards.



Although, I did not don my tiara and sequins (probably a good thing, as sequins really accentuate my big rear end) I'm still pleased as punch that you guys read my blog and share comments and experiences with me. You mean so much to me.

I am now 8 days from surgery. I'm so excited to start this process. I feel like real change is right around the corner for me. Again, thank you all.
Hugs!
Tess

9 days left!

Man o man, when I see that in writing, I get a knot in my stomach. I'm excited. I'm ready to do this. Last night, I dreamt that I was banded and down like 50 pounds. I was lying down on my bed and I looked down and there was this huge bulge, it was my port! (Thanks Band Groupie, you invaded my dreams!) Anyway, bulge and all, it was a good dream.

Last night two of my neighbors stopped by for a visit and we were talking and the subject of my surgery came up. I'm very emotionally charged right now and a bit on edge. My neighbor said his cousin had the lap band and looked at me really serious like and said " you know you still have to diet and exercise." Then, a flood of emotion came over me and I started crying, like a big fat baby, and I got really defensive and....well showed my ass for lack of a better term. I said, you know, I've gained and lost you three times, my standard reply when someone thinks I don't know how to lose weight. I can't imagine that someone would think for a moment that I would be having this surgery without first knowing what I'm getting into. I'm tired of fielding comments about my weight. I'm tired of feeling helpless about my weight and I'm tired of ground hog day! That's what it is, the same struggle, day after day after day. I'm not a weak person, I'm really not, but I'm weak when it comes to my issues with food. So, in 9 days I'm taking a huge leap of faith. I'm trusting God to be with me on this walk, I'm trusting my surgeon to take good care of me, I'm trusting my husband when he says he loves me no matter what and for a change, I'm really going to trust myself. I trust that I made the right decision. And of course, I trust you guys, you have given me so much information, a real insider's view of the process and the kind of support that I can't find elsewhere. So, thank you for coming on this journey with me. I appreciate this community more than I can say.
Happy Tuesday folks!
T

10 days and counting!

I cannot believe that I'll be banded in 10 days! Whoooo Hoooo! It's a crazy feeling, all that anxiety, waiting, and waiting and waiting....(you get the picture) to get an answer and then
voila! It's like magic. I got my letter and got a surgery date. Wow! My Doctor does not require a liquid diet. I wonder why? They said to just eat light and eat healthy. So, I pigged out all weekend and today I'm starting. I did have a slimfast this morning as an act of solidarity for all my band blog sisters and brothers who are on liquids. However, I'm must admit that I was not looking forward to the whole liquid thing. I will have a grilled chicken salad for lunch and hope that all goes well. I have my pre-op appointment on Thursday and have been compiling my list of questions to ask my doctor, here is the list so far:
1. What kind of band will I be getting?
2. Will I have any fluid in the band when it is placed?
3. How long do I have to wait for my first fill?
4. Why was a liquid diet not required?
5. If I have to have liquid pain meds, can I get the prescription early to make sure it's available?
and finally...
6. Will I wake up skinny?

Okay so I know the answer to 6 already. I'm really excited, I'm not nervous. I know this is the right decision for me. I have had a few surgeries before, and have always done well, no problems with anesthesia, especially not for a short surgery. Last year I had major neck surgery and was in surgery for 4.5 hours, so this one I'm not worried about!

I am however having trouble wrapping my head around losing weight and having it stay off! Oh my....I am ready for the change.

PS...my son got his driver's license this morning. I can't believe that either!

March 25!!!!!!!!!!

I got a date, with a band named Pearl!!! Hooorrrraaaaaaaay!

I go on the 18th for pre-op appointments. I cannot believe, somebody pinch me!

I got a feelin...oooo oooo, that tonight's gonna be a good night...

that tonight's gonna be a good, good night! Oooo Ooooo, I got my letter yesterday! So, I've been singing the Black Eyed Peas all night and all morning. I'm so happy! I faxed the letter to the surgeon's office this morning, next week I can start all my pre op stuff and schedule the surgery.
I have such a peaceful feeling right now. I'm doing the happy dance on the inside. Ahhh, life is good, I'm ready for this change, I'm ready to have a fighting chance at taking this weight off for good. And, on top of all that....it's Friday! Yaaaayyyy! Happy, happy weekend.
Hugs.
Tess

I did not get the letter yesterday.

And my patience is wearing thin. I want my letter! That was my rant for the day. Aside from not having my letter, I'm darn happy. I'm thrilled to know that I should indeed have the approval letter in my hand this week. I'm thrilled to know that soon I will have a definite date and be on my way to band land.

I have been reading lots of blogs and lately have seen a few posts about the decision to tell or not to tell about the band. Band Groupie's post was really a great read and made me chuckle. I have already told just about anyone who will listen, including perfect strangers about my intent to get the lap band. I never really gave much thought to not telling. Anyone who knows me knows the struggle I have had with my weight. I really could give a rat's hiney if someone thinks it's a bad decision or not. When I told my sister-in-law that I wanted to have the surgery, she started to make a comment and I could tell by her expression it wasn't going to be positive, so I just stopped her and said "I've made up my mind, this is a decision that is best for me, If what you are about to say is not nice or supportive, please don't share." And so, she did not share. Other than that, everyone I have discussed it with has been more than supportive.

One of my problems in my life is that I have not always been good at asking for the help and support that I need. But with middle age, a little bit of wisdom has come as well and I find that when I do speak up and ask for what I need, I generally get it. Life is good. I am loved and have people in my life that I love right back. I'm ready to enjoy my good life from a healthier body. I really am ready!
Hugs.
Tess

Holy cannoli!!

17 comments in one day! You guys are awesome. Thank you so much for reading my blog, for taking the time to share your thoughts and encouragement with me and.....for sharing your experiences with me. I am indeed fortunate to have found this wonderful community of people all reaching for the same goals. You have all been so inspiring and provided me with a wealth of information about the lap band. I am so happy, I can't keep my butt in the chair. Again, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you all so much for your kindness.
Hugs!
Tess

My heart is pounding!

OMG!!! I just got of the phone with my insurance......guess what!
The approval letter was mailed on Friday, I should have it in my hand
in the next couple of days and then.....I can get a DATE!!!

I'm so excited. I can hardly breathe. Wow, and thank you to the folks
who nominated me for a Sunshine Award, you guys are the best. I
promise to get that done in the next couple of days. I'm really busy at
work, but things should slow down by the end of the week.

Have a wonderful week, I hope to have a date to report very soon. I'm
so lucky that I have you guys to share with, you are so supportive and
inspirational!
Hugs!
Tess

Friday ramblings

Well, happy Friday everyone. Today is an exciting day for me. My oldest son has his first High School track meet today. He is a Freshman and was a real stand out in track in middle school and has been asked to run on the varsity team. I'm nervous and excited for him. My youngest son is in the 7th grade, he is an incredible guitarist and artist. My boys are really exceptional young people. I'm always impressed with the accomplishments that they have made. It makes me a little sad though, to know that my kids have never seen me as anything but overweight. Of course they've seen me in varying degrees of fat, but always...overweight. In high school, I was a runner. I ran on the cross country team and would lose myself in running. I still have the mind of a runner, just the ass of an old fatty! I have great cardiovascular strength for a woman my size and can really go long and hard on the elliptical, but to run, is well, not pretty and not good on my joints. My oldest son and I work out at the gym together sometimes and he always says one day he wants me to run with him. I always say, when I loose a hundred pounds, I'll run a race with you. So, that is one of my goals, when I loose 100 pounds I will run a 5K with my son.
That's something to really look forward to.
Have a great weekend guys, and thanks for reading.
Hugs!

Wednesday has been very, very good to me!

I love Wednesdays. I used to hate Wednesday. When I first divorced, every Wednesday my boys would go to their dad's house. It was so hard for me. I was lonely and didn't know what to do with the time alone. So, after a while, I decided that Wednesday would be my day to do whatever I wanted to do. I could get my nails done, go out with friends for a cocktail, rent a movie. Wednesday was my day. Now, 6 years after my divorce and 3 years into my second marriage, Wednesday is still a great day, it's date night for my husband and me. Every Wednesday, we get home from work, and go to our favorite bar/grill. We have dinner and cocktails, catch up with our friends and just be a couple without talking about what the kids need from us. It's just a really nice night. So.....happy Wednesday everyone, and thanks for all of your support!

Inspired by other posts.

Well today I was catching up on all the blogs I follow and found a common theme in several.

These blogs in particular caught my eye:

http://jenslapbandjourney.blogspot.com/

http://mommyisshrinking.blogspot.com/

http://livinglargeincc.blogspot.com/

These blogs all touched on why people overeat.



It all got me thinking. It is no secret that I have spent a lot of time in therapy. I feel like I have made some strides in my life. There are areas of my life that I enjoy great success in. I have a wonderful family, a great marriage to a respectful, good man, a beautiful home, a fulfilling career. I take great pride in the achievements that I have made. But I still have this albatross around my neck. This albatross is my relationship with food. I do know through years of therapy and soul searching that my relationship with food is completely intertwined in my thought process, in everything that I do.

I remember being a very little girl when I first starting using food to comfort myself. I was 5 when my dad had his first heart attack and 6 when my mom was diagnosed with cancer. I was afraid and anxious alot. I remember way back then comforting myself with food, totally losing myself in a bag of chips or a candy bar. I remember realizing that I didn't think of anything bad the whole time I was eating those chips. It is way back then that these bad habits began. I was not a fat child and did not start gaining weight until I was 25, but the cycle of binge eating and guilt had a very strong hold on me already.


So now, suffice to say, I have somewhat better coping skills then I did at 5 or 6 years old. I have done a great deal of work identifying the feelings that compel me to eat. Why is it then, that knowing and doing are so far from one another? Why is it that when I remember all of the happy moments of my childhood, I think of food? I think of mom preparing the food, and everyone enjoying the food as a family. Food is my best friend and my worst enemy all rolled into one.

When I read on blogs that people no longer obsess about food, I just want to scream! Can that ever happen for me? Will this band really give me the freedom to live life like a normal person? I have friends who are naturally thin and they just don't wake up thinking about what they will eat. They don't sit down to dinner and start discussing what they will have for the next meal. I want so badly to know what it feels like to be free from my compulsion to overeat.