First of all, thank you for your sweet comments about my pictures yesterday, you really make me feel great! Last night I went out with the girls for a friend's birthday celebration. We went to an Italian restaurant that I love and I got a glass of wine and asked a friend if she would share the shrimp appetizer with me. This is a girl that I really like, we have great conversation every time we are together. She is a writer, who just got a publisher by the way, and writes for a local health magazine. I kept telling her to eat up, because I would not be able to eat more than 4 or 5 shrimp total. She, being a journalist, starts asking me questions about my relationship with food now. She asked me if I still enjoy food, since I can't eat very much. It told her that I think I enjoy food more now for several reasons. First, I don't feel badly when I eat something, even if it is high calorie, because I can't eat very much of it, I am much more satisfied with food now, and since I don't eat that much, I don't waste my time on something that doesn't taste great to me. Also, I told her that my eating disorder was a binge disorder, it was always more about the quantity of food than the quality of food or even the taste, because when I was in the midst of a full on binge, I really don't recall enjoying the food at all after the first couple of bites, in fact, every binge ended with me feeling ashamed, disgusted and having to sleep it off. She then asked me if food grossed me out now. I said, not at all, I still like food and appreciate the art form of well prepared and beautifully presented foods, however, I do get grossed out when I see people taking huge bites of food or really large amounts of food. In fact, for me to go to a restaurant with a buffet is down right painful, I get thoroughly grossed out. Who'd have ever thunk it, right? I mean a buffet for me, used to be what dreams were made of.
I feel really lucky to have been given a chance at a normal relationship with food via the band. I'm so grateful that my insurance paid for the majority of my surgery cost, that my husband loves and supports me and was willing to explore this option with me. When I look at that picture from my Christmas card last year I'm just overwhelmed with gratitude. I was so completely unhappy about my weight last year, it was such a struggle and I really did not have it in me to attempt weight loss again on my own. I felt so defeated as if no matter how much weight I lost I would never be able to live life on the other side of the diet. I just feel like finally I have the tool that I need to have long term success achieving a healthy weight. What a wonderful feeling.
I have a big weekend again, my husband's office party is at our house on Saturday, I'm excited and will start my preparations tonight. I'm behind on Christmas shopping, but that's nothing new. So, I hope everyone has a great day, again, thank you so much for your support and kindness.