Well, as always this is a time of year when I spend some time thinking about how the previous year went, and some time thinking about how I want the next year to be. Since, I just don't know when, I have always focused my plans for the new year around weight loss. This year will be no different in that I do want to reach my goal weight in the upcoming year, but this year is different, because this year I know I can do it. I often wonder if that is why I never could lose weight for good before....was it because I never believed that I really could? This time is different, this time I believe that I can and this time I don't care how long it takes me, as long as I get there.
I've been blogging for more than a year now and I haven't shared my weight yet. I don't know why I have such a hang up about it, but I do. My husband doesn't know how much I weigh either. He asked me to tell him recently and I said no, he asked me if I thought it would change the way he felt about me. I don't know the answer to that, obviously I do think that or I would have shared by now. Maybe it's because it definitely changes the way I feel about myself. I think it's an important step for me to actually write down what I weigh, to speak it and really own it. I know many of you bloggers are so open and honest about your weight you keep a ticker and you share openly about it. This is something that I hope to have the strength to do in the very near future. But still, I just don't know if I can. It is a goal of mine though and it is a goal of mine to start being more honest about other uncomfortable things as well.
Another goal of mine for the new year is to be more active. I have been lazy and I need to change that. Although it's challenging for me to get my workouts in, it is not impossible and it needs to be a priority. I will do better this year. Overall, I'm really happy with the way last year went and optimistic about the coming year. I will really work on doing some things differently and being more honest.
Happy New Year!
Big Hugs,
T
10 comments:
It took a long time for me to actually admit my true weight. Even at my doctor's office. But when I did, and lost some weight I had no problems telling everyone. It isn't about a number though. It's really how you feel.
I'll be joining you working out. I've been remiss and need to go back to the gym next week. Maybe my word for the year should be optimism.
I don't say my weight a lot either. In my head it represents failure because it's not the goal number...and I need to get over that. Good goals!
My cousin wanted to start reading my blog, and I told him No because I mention my weight on it. He finally convinced me to tell him my actual weight and was like "oh....I would have never guessed." Then went on and asked if I would need a special operating table because I weigh over 350. I smacked him. We are all built differently and carry weight differently. I work with a woman who is 100lbs less than me but is very short, and we are in the same size pants. It's crazy to me.
When I started blogging was the first time I told anyone (besides my surgeon) how much I had weighed, and even how much I'd lost. If it weren't for learning to say it in this environment, I would never have told my husband that I had weighed close to three hundred pounds. This is a great environment to practice being open about difficult things. And I know learning to be more open has helped to relieve the weight of alot of baggage I carried.
okay so now I think you might be in my head...
"I often wonder if that is why I never could lose weight for good before....was it because I never believed that I really could? This time is different, this time I believe that I can and this time I don't care how long it takes me, as long as I get there."
Yes - that's exactly it!! I have been thinking this very thing. I have been mulling over a post about confidence for a while now. It's not quite clear in my brain - but it's just different this time and it's about the fact that I just know - I just believe it'll happen. And if it's not quick, then it'll be slow - it will just happen though.
enough about me....
When I decided to share my weight on my blog - it was actually never a decision - I sort of tricked myself into doing it. The insane part of my brain hid the fact that I was just going out there and doing it from the sane part. If the sane part had known... OMG, no way in hell would I ever have done that! But having it out there - actually posting my weight every single week - well, I think it's been good for me.
Sometimes I just ignore that it's out there - so part of me is still a little bit in denial (see - I'm also apparently comfortable sharing my crazy too) - but when all was said and done - just doing it - has made it less important. It's not the big scary thing that no one can ever see anymore - it's still big and scary - but it can't come and get me in the middle of the night anymore. It just is what it is.
I am totally thrilled for you for even considering it. I totally think it was the right thing - the freeing thing to do!
Good luck!
We are all so different, and so are our comfort levels... I probably wont tell my weight until i'm down at LEAST 100 lbs... :). Seriously, I admire you for facing these issues... You make me think, ponder and consider... Thank you for opening MY eyes and mind...
Take as long as you need to!! You don't have to post your weight if you don't want to :o)
I can understand your apprehension about posting your weight. John never knew what I weighed until I had surgery! It was thrilling when I finally weighed less than he does. It makes no difference if you post your weight or not. We all love you anyway!
The only reason I started sharing my weight is because I figured everyone could tell I was fat by looking at me-the number wouldn't change that. Now that I have the band I get excited to share it (when its a loss lol). But its still hard when people ask how much you've lost and then you see them do the math. I just try to let it go.
I hear you on sharing the weight number-- and that is why I am SO open about my weight all the time. I have found that when I've hidden in the past, it has allowed me to play games and tricks in my head and has ended up interfering with my weight loss.
I totally encourage you to just put it out there-- what do you think is going to happen to you if you share it, anyway? Will you burst into a million pieces of dust in shame ? Very doubtful. It is JUST a number and you are doing your best to get to a number that will be more right for you.
We're all here doing the same thing and no one will be unkind no matter if you weigh 200, 300, 400, or 500 pounds. It just is what it is!!
Oh, and by the way: I really don't CARE what you weigh at all, I am just encouraging you to be honest about it so you can get the weight of hiding your weight OFF of your shoulders and move ahead.
xo DL
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