LilySlim - Weight loss

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Don't know how to put it...

I'm having one of those days...a day where I'm feeling a little off kilter, kind of blue, but not really and well...I don't know how to put it in words. I feel a little bit sad, but not really, I feel a little bit nostalgic and weepy. Yeah, that's it and though I know much of this is hormone driven, apparently this feeling began day before yesterday when I was dusting pictures in a cabinet in my hallway. My son's latest football picture is without a frame, so I opened the cabinet below to see if there was a frame down there. In the cabinet was a basket with a bunch of pictures in it. I took it out and sat on my bed, I started going through the pictures. First of all, I love pictures, secondly, I lost most of my pictures in the Hurricane Rita flood. I think I blogged about this before, but when I lost all of my pictures of my children when they were small, I was so hurt, I felt like I wouldn't have those memories and all, but little by little, friends and relatives started giving me pictures of my children, they would say..."I was cleaning out a drawer and I had doubles of these" Slowly, I gathered pictures of my kids when they were small, those pics were in this basket, along with pictures that my ex-husband had found in our old house, pictures of me from college. So here I am, looking at these pictures of me in college as a young, very thin woman with my whole life ahead of me. Then there are pictures of my babies and of me as a very fat, very unhealthy looking, very unhappy woman. It was painful, my husband came in the room and he was looking at them too. I was so embarrassed. I can't help but wonder how I became that woman. How did that happen to me? My husband was looking at a very fat picture of me and he said you look so much better now, not just better as in prettier, but better as in healthier. It was true, I was not the same person then, I was killing myself...one bite at a time. Now when I think back to that time in my life, I have trouble believing that my life is the way it is now, I'm so much better, I'm so much healthier and for sure...I'm so much happier. A picture is worth a thousand words...true. I will share some of them with you soon. I hope everyone has a great day.
Big Hugs,
T

12 comments:

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I totally get what you are saying. I think we had to walk that walk to appreciate how wonderful our lives are now.

Tina said...

Although I feel great now...and do occasionally wish I had come to this newfound healthier lifestyle sooner I can't help but think that where were were then...was what we could be. There were all sorts of variables that got us there and I feel like I needed to be where I am now (an old lady of 45, wisdom of grown kids and one still at home, advanced education...etc) in order to be ready to take this all on.

I guess what I am trying to say...is No regrets only experiences that taught us stuff.. :)

xxxooo

~Lisa~ said...

Hey T! I know how you feel.. I get very nostalgic when I look at old photos.. I see myself in them, and frankly, It kills me to see myself this way. With each passing year, I am larger and larger.. But, those photos are what got my larger than life derriere moving to do something - anything - to become healthier..

I suppose I should "thank" those photos, but I'm not there yet - not at that point. Thank those photos for motivating you to become the woman you ARE, and not settling for the woman you were...

(((hugggssss))) to YOU!

Sandy Lee said...

I love pictures too. You should put them all into an album or scrapbook. Cherish them. Looking at the past really does help us see the future.

Camille said...

I look at pictures of myself at my heaviest and honestly feel like I don't know that person. I agree with Sandy. We have to learn from those images of the past, and, remember, it is in the past.

Linda said...

I totally understand. There aren't that many pictures of me at my biggest, but I looked at them the other day and go so down - like how could I have done that. We need to focus on how brave we all our to make the choices we have and get healthy.
xoxoLinda

Kajun Gumbo (Dee) said...

I lost all my pictures also :-(

To Band or not To Band? said...

Do you know - I hear what you are saying, but at the same time know that great things happened in your life when you were that big that you can't take away. Big or small - you were still you. A mother, lover, friend, sister.....you are just a littler and healthier one now xox

CeeJay said...

Such an introspective post. Pictures are very powerful things. Hope your blues disappear! :)

Drazil said...

This post is hard to read...I have no childhood pictures of me or my siblings or parents because we lost them in the flood...it's still hard just to type. I'm so glad you have some...

Sarah said...

I'm so sorry you lost your pictures. That had to be heartbreaking. I'm glad so many people have been able to replace some. It's easy to replace a household of furniture and TVs - but pictures are special.

Some days are just hard - for no good reason. But, I think that as we all go through this journey we start having more good days than bad.

Lap Band Gal said...

Good Morning, thanks for the perspective in this great post. Be strong and know that each day as you make good food choices and exercise, you are on your way to healthier YOU. Big {{HUGS}}. :)