It's everywhere! And I want it all! Last year I was on mushies for Easter and didn't have any candy at all. I had just had my surgery and I was afraid to eat anything. Not so much this year. But really I'm not worried. My restriction is good and even if I have a couple of pieces of candy, everything will be fine.
I'm having an issue with a dear friend of mine and I need to just get this off my chest. My friend is one of my greatest supporters. Always there for me when dieting and crabby, always there to make a salad for me when I needed it. My friend is not feeling so good about herself right now and feels like I did for so long, kind of out of control and having trouble getting motivated. In any case, it's causing friction between us. I feel bad that I can just eat regular food and still lose weight. I feel like she is angry with me because I can. She used to be like that, it's just suddenly she's put on a little weight and well, I feel really guilty. I mean I feel guilty because I'm losing weight and she isn't. There have been many times before when she was in the zone and losing, while I was steadily gaining. I know how it feels, but I also know, just like she used to know, that I can't do it for her. Even if we just sit around and eat cottage cheese all day, I can't do it for her. I hate feeling helpless and I hate seeing someone I love feel bad because of a few extra pounds. I know how powerful food is.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend and a Happy Easter if you celebrate. Take care!
Big Hugs,
T
8 comments:
I'm so sorry you're friend is so down and that it is causing issues between you. She'll find a good place to be one of these days and you'll be back on even ground. I'm sort of ambivalent about Easter candy this year - I know I'll have some Resee's peanut butter eggs - cuz - hello - peanut butter eggs - but I'm in such a good mental place - even if I go overboard and eat too many of them - it won't be the end of the world - or the beginning of some awful downward spiral - and that's just the most amazing feeling ever!!!
I agree with Read-I love my band.
I haven't told many about my band so you probably get friction from your friend more than I do---because mine don't know. They're all still very curious--but then again not so much because they have seen me go up and down ---FOREVER!!!!
I'm sorry your friend is feeling so bad. Tell her not to give up. Tell her to keep fighting the good fight. Tell her this to shall pass.
You should not feel guilty. Just keep being a great friend.
I know what you are going through. I am going through the same thing with my husband, although slightly different. He refuses to acknowledge he has a problem and so won't change his eating habits. He thinks if he just runs 3 miles a day 7 days a week he'll solve all his problems and that will fix it all. He doesn't realize what we had to realize to get to the point of surgery - that his problem is deeper than that and his solution isn't sustainable. If it was - he wouldn't have this problem. Like you said, you can't fix it for her. I'm watching my husband fight this seemingly to his death and I can't fix it for him. He has to hit his rock bottom before any change will happen. I thought he was there at the beginning of the year but nothing has changed.
It's hard and it's hard not to want to step in and fix it and it's hard not to be able to do anything about it. But you really can't. If my husband or your friend want a lasting solution they have to arrive there on their own. I wish so much that I could show him the way, but I've tried and all that does is cause a fight and make him even more steadfast in "if I just run 7 days a week..."
I think the thing you have to really grab onto is that it's not personal. If your friend is resenting you it's because you are a friend that is close to her heart and she is angry and it is logical to be mad at you, somehow. It's not really because you are succeeding and she is not. Just hang by her. Offer that salad if she needs it but, like you already know so well, don't try to teach. That just makes her feel worse - and doesn't send the desired message anyway.
Weightloss is such a funny journey. You'd think we could all learn from each other but in a lot of ways this has to be a very personal journey and someone trying to coach or interfere is usually a roadblock. They have to seek help - it can't be offered. And before they can seek help, they have to acknowledge the problem. As you and I both know - that's pretty hard to do.
((((HUGS))))
I'm glad you posted that here. Better than trying to force her to talk to you about it. :)
All you can do is be there for your friend and try to support her. You should not, and CANNOT, feel guilty about your success. When she's really ready to make the change and stick to the change, she will. We all know how difficult it is. But your success is NOT her failure. Hang in there! And just say no to the easter candy!
I have a dear friend of 25 years who lives in VA. We are going there this summer for a wedding and we are going to my friend's house. I spoke with her a couple of weeks ago and she asked how much weight I have lost. I told her and she was happy for me until I reminded her we were coming to see her. She is heavy like I was and I know exactly how she feels. I have a feeling she would almost rather not see me because of how she feels about herself! I have talked to her about the band but she is too afraid to do it. Now I am a little nervous about our visit. I am still going to see her...no matter what!
How funny.....until u said about being on mushies last year I'd forgotten that I couldn't eat chocolate 2010 easter either! Betta go and get another cadbury creme ; P
I'm so sorry about your relationship with your friend. That stinks. But just like everyone else said, it is her issue and something she needs to deal with. That just makes it all the more frustrating. :(
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