That's right, I want a clean slate, a fresh start. Do you ever feel that way? Yesterday I had court and had to see my ex. That is never a fun experience for me. It's over now though and that is what I need to concentrate on. What bothers me the most about having gone through this whole court battle with him is that, in the end, things are pretty much the same as they were before, only now I have a lot less money, because I had to pay a lawyer to represent me for a year and really, not much has changed.
This does not surprise me. My ex husband seriously could have had a conversation with me and we could have avoided all this useless expense and trouble. But he and I can barely speak to one another. He is the kind of person who can't tell the truth, even when the truth is more interesting, he'll spin a tale. It was exhausting being married to that man. Anyway, it's over. I'm lucky...I'm in a good marriage, my husband treats me and my children great. We have all that we need and more, so what is this clean slate I'm talking about?
I want a clean slate from the old way of thinking, the kind of faulty reasoning that actually made me believe yesterday that the contempt charges that man filed might actually amount to something. The thinking that makes it so difficult for me to talk rationally about things that are close to my heart. The kind of thinking that makes me scared of the stupidest things. The kind of thinking that keeps me tied to old ways and beliefs.
My slate has been cleaned many times over and on most days it looks pretty good, the writing on it is fresh and new, but on some days you can see the old writing underneath. Yesterday was one of those days. So today, I've got the spray cleaner and a fresh towel. Here's to each day bringing the opportunity to start over.