Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Why do I give my power away to food?!?!

I'm in a bad place right now, teetering between good and evil. I'm so frustrated by not having a date yet, and so not committed to eating right! I can't stand the way I feel when I overeat. I can't stand the way I look to myself when I overeat. I can't stand the way I pick myself apart when I overeat. So... why the hell do I continue to overeat? I feel like a crack addict must feel, waking up everyday with new conviction to stay clean and then ending each day regretting that I didn't. My weight is up, but still 44 pounds from my high. How can this weight feel so much different when I hit it on the way up then it did on the way down? I remember weighing what I weigh now and feeling great about my self because I was 40 pounds down! I need to get my mojo back! I know that no one can do this for me but me. Sorry guys, I'm officially over my rant. Does anyone out there have any advice on how I can get my mojo back until I get the band?


Amy W. said...

I totally understand what you are saying about feeling like sh(* when you are at a weight going up but felt so good about it going down. When I find myself doing that, I just need to keep reminding myself how good I felt when I was coming down, and that my body is still the same as when I hit that number the first time.

We fel so bad though bc we know better and this stuff is hard! That's why we need the damn band ya know?

Stay strong!

Debi said...

I totally feel for you right now!! I feel the same & I have the band!! But what I lack, is Restriction! So I have been eating things that I shouldn't, because I can!! This is Bandster Hell.

But don't worry, you will get the band, you will go through some tough times until you reach Restriction, but you will get through it, just like I Will!!! Keep on hanging in there! It will get better.

Fat Bastard said...

Tessie, you know where I'm at and where I'm coming from. What is working for me (at least most of the time) is anger. The bottom line is, the health care system sucks. Without getting into political conversation on what the remedy should be, we can all agree that what is in place currently is horrible. It's a system geared to insurance company riches and handcuffs doctors from helping us.S o, I have taken the attitude that I refuse to let these bureaucrats dictate my esteem and my success. The anger helps on the treadmills and for the most part steers me from bad choices.

I hope this helps. Remember, that by first undertaking this procedure you made a commitment to better health. The band will help us, but in the end, there will still be disappointing times in our lives. Yes, the trivial things like car breakdowns and cancelled appointments; to the horrible things that we all hope never happens. And, band or not, we must find different ways to handle those stresses. Your will power is being tested when faced with a bad choice, but this whole situation is testing your character. After reading your heartfelt posts, you can pass both tests.

Good luck.

tessierose said...

Thank you all so much for your comments and support. It means so much to me!

Tami said...

I'm always struggling with my food choices too and with fluctuations on the scale. Love to see it go down, I practically dance out of the bathroom. But when it goes up, I think about everything I've eaten, what did I do to myself, etc.
I'm trying to get better about this and I find logging my food helps me stay on track, that way I know how many calories I take in. Though, I confess, the logging is sporadic at best! I also keep telling myself, that it is OK if I don't eat "healthy" 100% of the time as long as it's the majority of the time.