LilySlim - Weight loss

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

There's something in the air.

And I don't like it! Maybe it's the let down of the post show rush, maybe it's the fact that the scale hasn't moved in a week, maybe it's because I feel bad for Draz and her flood, maybe her flood is making me remember my floods as I'm sitting in the middle of hurricane season again, maybe Carmen's post about her mom made me think of my own loss, maybe I'm worried about Amanda and all of her changes, maybe I'm worried about Chicago, maybe I'm worried about my friend Christy who's considering the lapband, maybe it's this, maybe it's that, maybe it's because I'm having growing pains. I think it's the latter. I've touched on this before, change is difficult for me. I've always dealt with things the way I deal, which for as long as I can remember has been with food or drink. Stress relief binging had become as much a part of me as the large backside it brought with it. I'm hormonal again (this too appears to be a recurring theme) and I want to find comfort in food. However, when I'm hormonal, I'm tight and I'm having trouble with food this week. I'm determined to eat well this week and just got my lunch at work, one bite and stuck. It makes me angry and makes me feel sorry for myself. So, as I sit here at my desk, hurting from being stuck, stomach growling with hunger, I realize something, I'm not having a binge on something that will go down, I'm writing about it. I suppose that could be considered progress.

I waffle quite a bit lately. I begin to think I have some issues ironed out, I start saying to myself : "Self....you're getting better everyday, you're not letting the scale rule your emotions, you're doing the right things and you know you'll eventually be rewarded for them!" Then, I have a morning like this one and the self talk is not quite as positive, it's like: "Self, why can't you get your act together, there must be some reason that your weight loss is so slow, this is going to be like all the other attempts, you'll fail, you may get to your goal, but you'll never stay there....history will repeat itself!"

I don't know how I got to this point, where I find it so difficult to be as kind to myself as I am to others. I think I'll probably never fully understand why I am the way I am, but I do think it's high time that I give myself a little credit. I would never hang out with someone who talked to me the way I talk to myself and I sure wouldn't treat my friends the way I treat myself. So, today I am making a commitment to clear the air with myself. For today, I will be nicer and more forgiving and I will believe in the process. Happy Hump Day!
Big Hug!
T

11 comments:

-Grace- said...

I think you are making progress! Blogging instead of binging is a huge improvement!

Be kind to yourself! We love you :)

Jennifer said...

Hugs hon. I hope you feel better soon. I know the feeling. Very well.

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

I can certainly understand where you are coming from. I hadn't had any weight loss in 2 weeks and now I have suddenly lost 2 pounds this week. I have my doubts about myself and the band some days. But, I just keep truckin' along and I know it will come off. Hang in there honey!

amandakiska said...

Oh honey, don't worry about me! It won't do a thing to help me. I'm sorry I clouded your life with my negative ju-ju!

I think you're coming down off the excitment from the performances. It's a natural let-down. Feel better!

Pamela E. Williams said...

You have compassion and that is good. You will be fine. I hope that you get to feeling better and that your outlook is brighter

((((HUGGSSS))))

LDswims said...

(((Hugs)))

Take it easy on yourself. You are a wonderful person and you are doing very well with your weightloss, I think.

Donut Diva said...

you still look great, and although we would love to see the scale move more quickly we can't be so upset when it doesn't. I am hoping like you it gets easier as time goes on. We have to remind ourselves we are making better choices and will continue to make them as we progress.

DD- www.bandedup.blogspot.com

Carmen said...

xoxo :-)

Cindylew said...

Hugs coming atcha cupcake. Hang in there...you're doing fine.

Jacquie said...

Hang in there Tess...we are here for you whenever you need a shoulder. Hugs!

Kerri said...

Blogging instead of binging....helps me too! Hang in there! Hugs to you!