A few pics from the show...

I've talked alot about the Gridiron Variety show that I participate in each summer. The production shots were just made available to us, so I thought I'd share a few with you. Have a great Monday Folks!

This is me as a pelican victim of the oil spill, who's just had a Hollywood makeover, by Brad Pitt, Bob Barker, Pamela Anderson and Bono!

This is me as Tessie, the cheesy Lounge singer.

And this is me as the host of a games show called "Pie in the Face!"

25 days to Chicago!!

Big Hug,

T

Friday Ramblings

Okay folks, first of all thank you for your wonderful comments of support and encouragement on my last blog. You really have a way of lifting my spirits and helping me put things in perspective. I appreciate it so very much and want you to know how important you have become to me. That being said, can I say....I am sooooo excited about actually meeting some of you fabulous women in Chicago!

Next, my apologies for not having anything to donate to the sisterhood yet. Sadly I can still wear everything except one pair of pants that I'm saving for my Jared photo. When I lost 80 pounds a few years ago, I purged everything that didn't fit me, I gave all of my clothes away and then started gaining weight again. So, in an effort to slow the progression, I didn't do much shopping, I vowed to stay uncomfortable til I got my mojo back and started losing weight. So....when I do have clothes to pass on I will, but for now, I'm shopping in my closet and enjoying some things that haven't seen daylight in a year or two.

Last night my son had his first football game of the season. My son goes to the same High School that I went to. It's a relatively small private school and many of the parents were classmates of mine, it was weird and wonderful and very nostalgic. I cannot believe that he and my step-daughter are sophomores. I don't know how this happened. Then yesterday, my oldest niece, well she turned 30. So, all of a sudden, I'm realizing that a substantial amount of time has passed in my lifetime. I'm not worried and I don't particularly feel old all the time. But, on days like yesterday I would say I feel a little more "mature" than other days.

I'm really glad it's Friday, although I don't know how much rest I'm going to get. My youngest son has Cotillion tonight and of course the boys have to get together at my house before to spray on too much cologne and talk strategy. I do love my life and I'm glad that so many of you are in it.

Happy Weekend.
Big Hug!
T

5 months out

Today is my 5 month bandiversary. I'm really glad that I got the band, but am feeling a little bummed that I'm not losing faster. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. I'm down 37 pounds. I put the pencil to the paper and that's 7.4 pounds per month that's good right? Then why do I have so much doubt? Probably, because the last 2 months have been a bear, the bouncing scale is about to make me go crazy. I've had so much fluctuation, I swear one day last week the scale went up 8 pounds and then down again the next day. I know I need to take a break from the scale and just step away from it, but I'm obsessed! I swear I weigh my self every time I go in my bathroom. I want to be free from this current obsession and free from my fat. I feel hopeful sometimes, but sometimes I feel downright scared that I'm not going to get this weight off. I want to be successful with the band. I want to be at a healthy weight, but sometimes it feels unattainable. It's been so long since I was thin, 21 years! I can't even remember what it was like, what I looked like. This week I'm going to make a point of finding some photos of myself thin so I can try to wrap my head around the idea. I know I'm holding myself back, but I don't quite know how to change this mindset.
It's Wednesday though, and I like that. Take it easy.
Big Hug!
T

Pearl is fickle!

My band Pearl is one fickle little thing! On Saturday, she wouldn't let me eat anything, on Sunday she wouldn't let me eat until the evening, but when she did, she would have let me eat a cow! I don't get it. How can I be so tight that I can't eat and then wide open just a few hours later. That is why I'm afraid to get another fill. If I was any tighter on a tight day, I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to drink, but on a loose day, I could use a little help. Any advice?

In other news, it was a busy weekend. Lot's of stuff going on and a very sick son on Saturday. All is well today, I have a busy week ahead of me and many opportunities to get off track. I really want to get focused and re-energize my weight loss efforts. So, send me some mojo vibes. Happy Monday all!
Big Hug!
T

It's Friday....

Just the facts ma'am.

I'm so glad it's Friday, it's been a crazy week, busy with the start of school, busy at work and it looks like the weekend will be equally busy.

I have a few things on my mind that are of little or no importance, but I figured...hey, it's Friday, let's fill it with random thoughts by T.

• I got a haircut yesterday, it amazes me how a new haircut can make me feel so much better.
• Why does Tuna salad taste so much better when someone else makes it?
• Ever have a bad underwear day? When my underwear don't fit right, it jacks up my whole day!
• I finally broke down and bought the dreaded cheeseburger Doritos that Cindylew blogged about. OMG...how can a bunch of dudes in lab coats make a chip taste just like a burger?
• How can my house get so dusty in just one week?
• Why do I love office supplies so much?
• Why are the numbers on a calculator key pad in different order than the phone, it just seams logical to make them the same, I would dial a lot fewer wrong numbers.
• Why can't all of the key pads for credit/debit card swiper thingies be the same, I always get cash back when I don't want it, because I don't want to get out my reading glasses.
• Why do your eyes get increasingly worse the closer you get to 50? Oh, never mind, I know that answer, it's so you can't see the goat hairs that decide to take up residency on your chin!
• Why do I save my filing til Friday, when I hate filing but love Friday?

Well, enough of that. I hope everyone has a great weekend. Big Hug!

T

Feeling a little antsy!

I don't know how else to explain it. I feel like my skin can't contain me. It's part excitement, part nervousness, part hormonal imbalance, part growing pains. All of those things in one.

Sounds exciting, I know.... let me just try to explain:

• The excitement part: I'm so happy that my plateau finally ended! I am 10 pounds away from being thinner than my husband has ever known me! Also, there are so many really successful banded people out there sharing there stories, Amy W. just made goal. I feel like I've read her blog for so long and watched her struggles and successes, she really makes me feel like I can do this too!
• The nervousness part: I'm 10 pounds from being the thinnest my husband has ever known me (a weight that I stayed at for maybe 3 hours, and then the climb upward began.) I also am nervous and concerned about getting a fill. I feel pretty confident that this is a good place for me right now, but I read so much about others having way more of a fill than I do and I keep second guessing myself.
• The hormonal part: Well that goes without saying, look at me funny... there will be tears.
• The growing pains part: I'm anxious. I feel good about my weight loss, people are starting to notice the changes, but I want to be further along. I'm going in October with my husband to Ohio to meet some of his old friends. I want to be thin when I meet those people. I know I can lose 10 pounds by then and when I was at that weight last time, I felt amazing. I remember getting to my current weight before and feeling amazing, why am I having so much trouble appreciating the journey and enjoying my successes in the here and now?

I know I sound crazy, but it's all trapped in my head and it's got to find it's way out. Thank you all for your incredible support. I feel like a lot of folks in blog land are going through some difficult transitions too. We're lucky to have each other. Happy Wednesday guys!

Big Hug!

T

Back to School, back to the grind!

It's that time of year. As I regret that summer has come and gone, I'm glad to get back into the swing of things. I like structure, and I do better with my exercise during the school year. It's much less tempting to snooze the alarm when I know I have to get kids up and ready for the day as well. I also do better during the school year with planning ahead for meals, so, there you have it. Although, I'm not looking forward to the hectic schedules and policing the homework, I am looking forward to the structure, for a chance to get some cooler weather, to football and to getting into smaller clothes this fall. Happy Tuesday!

T

I'll take it!

I was so happy to see some movement on the scale to break my plateau, I seriously wasn't expecting another 2 pounds, but I'll gladly take it! I don't know what was going on, but I'm hoping I'm past it now. I was beginning to think that the scale would never move. Better late than never I say. I had a great weekend, lots of running around and social events. It was fun and now, school starts tomorrow! I can hardly believe it! I don't know what happened to the summer, but it came and went. I now wish for a little cool weather to bring the school year in, but I don't think that will happen for a while. I hope everyone has a great week!
Big Hug,
T

Finally out of plateauville!

Down 34 today! Hallelujah!

BYOC

Another BYOC

1. Do you remember your last dream?
Yes, I dreamt that this man came to my door to deliver a monogram wall hanging that I apparently ordered from someone, he said I have this too, and he handed me an envelope, it was a check for $32,000.00. I kept asking what it was for, he said a secret friend sent it just because. I was very excited.

2. Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?
I like a good bottom lip.
It's sexy on a man, cute on a kid, I just like it.

3. Tell me about your first kiss...
Spin the bottle at my friend's house in 6^th grade. It was less than great.

4. How big is your bed?
King size sleep # bed, I love it, I'm a 45 and my husband is a 65.

5. Repeat question....whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why? I can't narrow it down, I love all the great blogs and all the wonderful comments I've gotten. I must admit, I have a morbid fascination with this man who is ruffling so many feathers as of late. I just tend to ignore people like him. I think he just wants attention, and well…we're giving him plenty. So, let's all stop and just ignore.

I hope everyone has a great weekend. Big hugs!

T

.....flatline......

This is what my weight chart would look like.

Jen, I cut my bangs, they didn't weigh 1/8 of a pound, Sally I tinkled twice. I accepted all good vibes, all kind words and encouragement duly noted. Still....no movement on the scale. I'm a little miffed about it. But, I'm eating well, doing the right things, I'm in this for the long haul right? I wanted to be down 50 for the BOOBS trip, but unless I lob off a portion of my leg, that seems unlikely.

On the other hand, I feel good, I'm happy that I've lost what I have, I'm glad I got the band. I'm feeling like this is just a rough patch. I'm going to keep at it. I'll up my exercise, and just keep on keeping on, surely the scale will move right? I have read some blogs that suggest that for a period of time, your body is adjusting and then all of a sudden, you start losing again. Has anyone experienced this? My fingers are crossed as I type.

Have a great Thursday guys!

Big Hug,

T

I have a real problem

Yeah, I'm sorry...a lot. I don't know why, but I'm always sorry for something. I make my husband crazy, because he may say something in passing and I think it's directed at me, I immediately start thinking I've done something wrong, regardless if I have or not. I blame myself for every one's discontent, weather they are discontent or not. What's up with that? I really need to work on this. I'm sure that, by being sorry so much, when something happens that I need to be sorry about, my apology would hold less weight because I'm sorry all the time. Does that make any sense? So, today I'm going to concentrate on not being sorry unless I really should be. I'm sure that this all stems from being in an abusive relationship for so much of my past. I was made to feel like everything was my fault and I truly believed it. It's funny how easy it is to slip back into old habits. My husband is a wonderful man, he treats me with respect and kindness, I'm so thankful he's in my life. I was really doing better with this, but all of the crap that's been happening with my ex has just brought old emotions to the surface. So, my goal for today is to not be sorry. That sounds bad, I know....but I'm not sorry! There...have a great day. Thanks for all of your support and kind words. Happy Wednesday!

Oh, and on the weight loss front, I am 1/8 of a pound from breaking this darn plateau. Send me some good vibes. Big hug!

T

Dislike!

I went with Christy last night to the WLS seminar and was so shocked by the experience. The nurse, who happens to be my surgeon's nurse was just dissing the lapband. There was one girl there who's had the lapband for 5 years and wants to do a revision to either gastric bypass or the sleeve. This girl, in my opinion, should not get another surgery. She is a classic example of someone who wants to lose weight but it not willing to change her life style. She kept asking questions like "which one of those surgeries will make me loose 100 pounds, but I won't have to eat slow or chew alot or ever get hungry?" I'm like...hello? Are you kidding me. You cannot have a life changing operation and not "change" your life, well you can...but then you'll be right back where you were.

The nurse kept saying that if she had a weight problem, she would never get the band! I finally spoke up and was like....it is unrealistic to think you can loose a great amount of weight and never experience any discomfort. She said, yeah, but you're disciplined. I said, yes, but don't you need discipline to live with gastric bypass or the sleeve? She said, no! I was like, I know several people who have had gastric bypass and they have gained all of their weight back, just like some people with the band have. She said, I know people like that too, but usually it's 5 years out before they start gaining. And she said that I was an exception to the rule. I was happy with my band and that for every 20 people who are happy, there are 80 who hate it. It just made me mad for many reasons. First because I think she was selling the band short. I think they want to do the other surgeries, because they cost more and because it takes less effort on the part of the patient, so they feel more successful. I think that the band was the right choice for me, but I went into it knowing what to expect and knowing that I have to do my part too. I can't imagine anyone not knowing that. But then, some of the comments around the room last night, made it evident to me, that indeed that's the way some folks roll.

I have made lots of changes in my life style. I was always a successful dieter, but I have never been able to maintain my weight loss though. I feel like the band is giving me the opportunity to lose weight while feeling more satisfied and to have a shot at keeping the weight off. I don't know what Christy is going to decide. She has some issues with scar tissue and being unable to tolerate foreign objects in her body, so it may not be a viable choice for her. She may be a better candidate for one of the other surgeries, or she may not do it at all. But either way, I was very put off by the way the nurse handled the seminar last night. I'll be sure to tell her on my next visit too!

I hope everyone has a great day, thanks for the sweet comments about my ex. I love knowing that so many of you have my emotional "back!" Also, thanks for the comments on the BOOBS page, Draz said such sweet things in the introduction. We are indeed lucky to have such a wonderful community of support!

Big Hug!
T

Monday...

I am not feeling it today. I wish I could get a do over of the weekend. I'm tired, I had a nice weekend, but I wish I could have rested more. I'm upset over some stuff with my ex husband, worried about being able to take care of my boys. I don't like feeling this way. I wish that I had a little more control over my emotions sometimes. I'm really working on that, but still, I feel a little out of sorts. I'm really hungry today and a little hormonal, but because of the nervousness, I'm very tight. I just had a nutrigrain bar for a snack and I feel like an elephant is sitting on my chest.

In other news, I'm going with my friend Christy (http://smilies63.blogspot.com/) tonight to her WLS seminar. I'm happy to share the journey with a friend. I wish the scale would move, but sadly it hasn't. I did walk this morning, my knee is all better, so I guess I'll just keep up the walking.

Have a great day, big Hug!
T

Evil, I say...

That's what my scale is. I've been really trying to exercise patience these days, but today I went back and looked at my weight record. Nothing but bounce since July 15! I have not been overeating. Sure, I could exercise more than my patience, but haven't been a total sloth and still... nothing. My weight has not gone down since July 15. That's 22 days. I'm seriously worried. How can that happen? I've never in my life experienced a true plateau, so I can't say that this is one. Obviously, I'm doing something wrong. I kept thinking, well this is no big deal it will budge, but no such luck. What's a girl to do? I sure hope it moves soon or some one's gonna get hurt!
Happy weekend guys!
Hugs from Stuckatthesameweightforeverville
T

From Toad to Prince....

Well, I had the child support hearing today. I was in the same room as my ex-husband for 2 hours! When I got there for the hearing, my husband was with me, I didn't realize they wouldn't let him stay and I really wanted him to be there with me. He is so strong and he makes me feel safe. I was apprehensive about being there with my ex, because of all the crap he's put me and my kids through lately. It's hard to explain the way it makes me feel when I'm around him. I'm not afraid of him at all any more, but I get very uncomfortable when I'm near him.

Our attorneys went into the conference room with the hearing officer and my ex and I were just there, each at different tables in a big room. My ex told me that he found some dishes that matched mine in the attic of our old house, did I want them. I said sure, he said...wait for it...."I'll sell them to you at garage sale prices." I told him I wasn't going to buy anything from him that used to be mine! Then, I felt awkward and didn't want to appear available for small talk, so I took out a pad and pen and just started jotting some feelings down. I started writing about how I couldn't believe that I was once married to that man and about how grateful I am that God put John in my life and that when we met, we were in the same "place" so that we were able to end up together. He has brought so much to my life and to my children's life and I am forever grateful that he is my husband.

When I got back to my office, I was sitting at my desk playing things back in my head, like all good neurotic girls do, and I realized what's really at the bottom of why I can't stand to be in the same room as my ex. I mean, aside from the fact that he's not a nice person, and he's hurt me in so many ways. The main reason that I feel uncomfortable, is because it makes me remember the person that he was married to. The old me. That woman is gone. That woman is someone who let a man systematically destroy her and take away her dignity. That woman died and all I can say is "good riddance!" I realized today though, that in order for me to get past this, I must give her a proper burial. I must grieve for her, even though I'm glad she's gone. It's amazing when you have a light bulb moment, even when that moment takes place in a court house in the same room as the Toad that eventually got you to your Prince!

Happy Tuesday!

Hugs,

T

I'd like you to meet my old friend...

Hey guys, I'd love for you to meet my old friend Christy. Christy and I graduated high school together. She's one of the most compassionate people I know and she has lived through some really tough times. Christy and I have a great deal in common, including our perpetual struggles with weight and self esteem. She is going to a lap band seminar next Monday and she just started a blog. Please stop by and give her some support at http://smilies63.blogspot.com/. I hope that Christy will gain as much from blogging as I have. Have a great day!
T

Checking in

Just a quickie, checking in to say "Hey." Today is Monday and the first of a new Month, so I'll be very busy at work closing out the month and bringing in the new. I hope everyone had a great weekend. I did, but sadly it's over and I don't feel rested or re-energized. I feel tired and wishing I was still in bed. Tomorrow I go to court for the child support hearing and school will be starting in just a couple of weeks. I feel like life is just rushing past me and I need things to slow down a little. I did have lots of fun this weekend and the scale is still not being nice to me. I want to see some movement!

Have a great Monday folks!

Big Hug!

T