Today is my 5 month bandiversary. I'm really glad that I got the band, but am feeling a little bummed that I'm not losing faster. I know that sounds bad, but it's true. I'm down 37 pounds. I put the pencil to the paper and that's 7.4 pounds per month that's good right? Then why do I have so much doubt? Probably, because the last 2 months have been a bear, the bouncing scale is about to make me go crazy. I've had so much fluctuation, I swear one day last week the scale went up 8 pounds and then down again the next day. I know I need to take a break from the scale and just step away from it, but I'm obsessed! I swear I weigh my self every time I go in my bathroom. I want to be free from this current obsession and free from my fat. I feel hopeful sometimes, but sometimes I feel downright scared that I'm not going to get this weight off. I want to be successful with the band. I want to be at a healthy weight, but sometimes it feels unattainable. It's been so long since I was thin, 21 years! I can't even remember what it was like, what I looked like. This week I'm going to make a point of finding some photos of myself thin so I can try to wrap my head around the idea. I know I'm holding myself back, but I don't quite know how to change this mindset.
It's Wednesday though, and I like that. Take it easy.