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Tuesday, August 3, 2010

From Toad to Prince....


Well, I had the child support hearing today. I was in the same room as my ex-husband for 2 hours! When I got there for the hearing, my husband was with me, I didn't realize they wouldn't let him stay and I really wanted him to be there with me. He is so strong and he makes me feel safe. I was apprehensive about being there with my ex, because of all the crap he's put me and my kids through lately. It's hard to explain the way it makes me feel when I'm around him. I'm not afraid of him at all any more, but I get very uncomfortable when I'm near him.
Our attorneys went into the conference room with the hearing officer and my ex and I were just there, each at different tables in a big room. My ex told me that he found some dishes that matched mine in the attic of our old house, did I want them. I said sure, he said...wait for it...."I'll sell them to you at garage sale prices." I told him I wasn't going to buy anything from him that used to be mine! Then, I felt awkward and didn't want to appear available for small talk, so I took out a pad and pen and just started jotting some feelings down. I started writing about how I couldn't believe that I was once married to that man and about how grateful I am that God put John in my life and that when we met, we were in the same "place" so that we were able to end up together. He has brought so much to my life and to my children's life and I am forever grateful that he is my husband.

When I got back to my office, I was sitting at my desk playing things back in my head, like all good neurotic girls do, and I realized what's really at the bottom of why I can't stand to be in the same room as my ex. I mean, aside from the fact that he's not a nice person, and he's hurt me in so many ways. The main reason that I feel uncomfortable, is because it makes me remember the person that he was married to. The old me. That woman is gone. That woman is someone who let a man systematically destroy her and take away her dignity. That woman died and all I can say is "good riddance!" I realized today though, that in order for me to get past this, I must give her a proper burial. I must grieve for her, even though I'm glad she's gone. It's amazing when you have a light bulb moment, even when that moment takes place in a court house in the same room as the Toad that eventually got you to your Prince!

Happy Tuesday!
Hugs,
T




20 comments:

Kim said...

Good for you!!

Janice said...

Fairy tales do come true. You found your voice. :) I'm glad your husband could be there with you. Bless and release to the ex husband! :)

Linda said...

What a great post! It's hard to look your past in the eye and you did it and have moved on. I;m so glad you got a Prince in the end.

amandakiska said...

What an ASS! I'm so sorry you have to put up with such BS. I'm glad he isn't in your daily life anymore.

And I'm glad you're a different person too. No one should put up with that.

Jennifer said...

That post gave me shivers. I'm happy you found your price and you have moved on from the ugly toad. I know what you mean about reminding you of who you used to be - I can relate 100%. We should talk sometime!

Miss Vickie "The Queen Bee" said...

Well said, sister! Thanks for this post because I feel the exact same way that you do. I am ashamed of myself for allowing some idiot dictate my life and treat me like a second class citizen. I am different too and I am so grateful.

Bonnie said...

Damn straight she's gone. Love you, Girl!

Cindylew said...

We love the person you are now...that other person no longer exists.
So glad for your catharsis.

THE DASH! said...

You stick with you you have - he sounds wonderful. And good for you for getting through a difficult situation - just another thing that reminds you that you were not who you were. x

Sandy Lee said...

I so agree with having to grieve that "other" you. You did end up in the best place. Hope you never have to see him again. And plates are just that, plates.

Hope you have a fantastic week with John and your lovely kids. You came out the strong one so celebrate your strength.

Sherry said...

Lovely post.

Kerri said...

May the "old you" R.I.P. and allow you to move forward...pone foot in fromt of the other! You are awesome! Great post!

Sarah said...

I'm glad you have had so many positive changes in your life. It's wonderful to hear about people finding the part of them that was missing. I'm sure the future will bring even better thing. Good bye old you!

Sam said...

R.I.P to the old you.

Long live the new and improved princess. may you live a long and happy life with your prince:)

Carmen said...

xoxo

Band Groupie said...

OK, best post ever GF! So thought provoking...love it!

Stephanie said...

You are an amazing woman and i am so glad you are at a happy place in your life. Your ex sounds like a total douche. I am so glad you have someone to love and treat you well! :)

-Grace- said...

I am so happy that something good (your amazing insight) came out of this.

He sounds like an ass. Clearly, you got the better end of the deal with John! :)

momma2fi said...

What a powerful post!! I think Oprah would call it an 'aha' moment. Go On, Sister!

Barbara said...

You Rock T for realizing this and sticking to the new you.. that is such a stressful meeting.. but you were able to hold on to the you that you are now..

Really a great post to read..