Well, it's hump day. I'm glad that the weekend is fast approaching, although I've barely gotten over the last one. Yesterday I had a bad day, my husband might actually call it a mini nervous break down, but either way, I'm feeling better today. This "break down" if you will, came on for the strangest of reasons. I actually got some exciting news on Sunday, something I can't quite share, because I'm sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that it involves me having to buy a fancy schmancy ball gown and be in it in front of lots of people. I have to have the dress by the first week in January even though the actual event isn't until February. And the dresses that the previous women in this position have worn are usually strapless! OY! So, here is where the break down comes in: I have never been able to lose weight for any event! There, I said it. I'm scared to death that this will be one more failure for me when it comes to losing weight for a special event. I could not lose weight for my first wedding, although I was not fat, I wanted to lose 15 pounds, fail. I could not lose weight for my best friend's wedding, I was on a big diet, ordered my dress a size smaller, had to have it taken out, fail! Those are just two examples of many times that I have failed when trying to lose for an important event, the list is endless. I was overcome by my sense of failure and I cried and cried and just felt like such a loser. My dear sweet husband was comforting me and he, unlike me, is such a reasonable man. He said, if you didn't lose anymore weight you would still look great and people love you, they'll be happy to see you do this, but...this time will be different, this time you have a tool to help you, this time you have Pearl!" God, I love that man. He's right, this time I do have a tool. So, why do I have so much doubt?
After lots of pondering and listening to experienced bandster Tina, I have decided to get another fill, I've been waffling about getting a fill, because I still get stuck and PB sometimes, then when I read Jennifer's post (titled: I don't know everything) on thinking she was too tight but a fill changed everything. I've decided to get a fill, I have one scheduled for next Tuesday. I'm going to Chicago on Friday, so I'm a little nervous about going out of town after a new fill, but I'm planning to just get a little one. Any thoughts on that would be appreciated.
So, my plan is to just keep on keeping on and realize that even if I'm not at my ideal weight when this event comes around, I'll definitely be at a much better weight then I would be if I hadn't started this process. I definitely need to exercise more and incorporate weights for my giant arms and just try to enjoy the experience and not cut myself apart. I'm really a lucky person, I have a wonderful husband who has loved me at each stage thus far, and a wonderful community of support here, and I'm going to meet so many of you next week! I think I'm getting over the hump! Happy Day!