Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Hump Day!

Well, it's hump day. I'm glad that the weekend is fast approaching, although I've barely gotten over the last one. Yesterday I had a bad day, my husband might actually call it a mini nervous break down, but either way, I'm feeling better today. This "break down" if you will, came on for the strangest of reasons. I actually got some exciting news on Sunday, something I can't quite share, because I'm sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that it involves me having to buy a fancy schmancy ball gown and be in it in front of lots of people. I have to have the dress by the first week in January even though the actual event isn't until February. And the dresses that the previous women in this position have worn are usually strapless! OY! So, here is where the break down comes in: I have never been able to lose weight for any event! There, I said it. I'm scared to death that this will be one more failure for me when it comes to losing weight for a special event. I could not lose weight for my first wedding, although I was not fat, I wanted to lose 15 pounds, fail. I could not lose weight for my best friend's wedding, I was on a big diet, ordered my dress a size smaller, had to have it taken out, fail! Those are just two examples of many times that I have failed when trying to lose for an important event, the list is endless. I was overcome by my sense of failure and I cried and cried and just felt like such a loser. My dear sweet husband was comforting me and he, unlike me, is such a reasonable man. He said, if you didn't lose anymore weight you would still look great and people love you, they'll be happy to see you do this, but...this time will be different, this time you have a tool to help you, this time you have Pearl!" God, I love that man. He's right, this time I do have a tool. So, why do I have so much doubt?

After lots of pondering and listening to experienced bandster Tina, I have decided to get another fill, I've been waffling about getting a fill, because I still get stuck and PB sometimes, then when I read Jennifer's post (titled: I don't know everything) on thinking she was too tight but a fill changed everything. I've decided to get a fill, I have one scheduled for next Tuesday. I'm going to Chicago on Friday, so I'm a little nervous about going out of town after a new fill, but I'm planning to just get a little one. Any thoughts on that would be appreciated.

So, my plan is to just keep on keeping on and realize that even if I'm not at my ideal weight when this event comes around, I'll definitely be at a much better weight then I would be if I hadn't started this process. I definitely need to exercise more and incorporate weights for my giant arms and just try to enjoy the experience and not cut myself apart. I'm really a lucky person, I have a wonderful husband who has loved me at each stage thus far, and a wonderful community of support here, and I'm going to meet so many of you next week! I think I'm getting over the hump! Happy Day!
Big Hug,


Pamela E. Williams said...

((((GIGANTIC HUG)))) to you!! You will be fine. Your husband is so wonderful and I think you are so blessed. The fact that the event is 5 months away gives you time to just be you. You don't have to have the dress until January so you can use Pearl to continue to become the you you have always dreamed about. Don't stress it. You will do wonderful.

Sandy Lee said...

You need to repeat-I now have the band. All those other diets were failures not because of me, but because my body couldn't stay on a "diet". The band is different. Oh so different.

I am the same. Was going to lose another 5 pounds before Chicago. Nope, not gonna happen. But I have new clothes and feel wonderful. And I know no one will say I am fat. Because I have this great big smile on my face. Never have I lost this much weight at once.

And there is nothing wrong with strapless for a cool dress. Maybe a little wrap to keep you warm. See how the fill works. I suddenly got tight last weekend after 6 weeks of free eating (had a small unfill at the end of July). Can't figure it out. Was also thinking I may need a bit of a fill but will wait til after Chicago. I'll sit beside you and just eat off your plate if you can't eat. Boy will we ever be saving tons of money on not buying/eating food! See you soon.

DB said...

You are not a failure & will not fail anymore - Pearl has your back & you will look lovely no matter what happens!!!

LDswims said...

I so totally know what your secret is but I'll keep it quiet. That's so exciting! You will have a blast and what an honor!!!

As for the gown, Pearl, the weightloss, the stress, I'm sending you big hugs.


You will do this. And I know that because you ARE doing this. YOU are the one doing it and Pearl is only reminding you when necessary.

I'll be curious to hear how another fill goes.

Jacquie said...

As I was reading this, my mind was on the exact same page as your dear sweet husband! You would look great if the function was tomorrow but not to worry, you have 4 months to buy a dress and you'll be even smaller!

I cannot wait to meet you next week T, we have so much in common and I feel like you are my long lost sister!

Drazil said...

I once read a long time ago that you should follow your fears through in your head so your brain can see even if it comes true that you'll make it through it...sometimes it works for me. Now I know you won't fail but what if you did? Would the world stop? Nope. Would your husband, friends and family stop loving you? Nope. Would you get back up and try again having learned more? Yup. Failure doesn't have to be scary....if you don't let it be. While I am not glad you ever failed....I wouldn't take it back...because it got you to be my Tessierose I know and love today. I puffy heart you.

Joey said...

Congrats on the mystery! Do tell!
I was 85 pounds heavier on my wedding day than I am now but I don't look at that day as horrible, but rather as beautiful. Just keep on doing like you are, you'll be lighter no matter what - and get the dress of your dreams!

amandakiska said...

You aren't losing weight for the event or the dress. Those things just happened to come up during the process. Just keep plugging away and the weight loss will happen! You are doing great.

Kristin said...

You are going to rock whatever dress you wear, Tessie. I know it.