After reading your comments, I started really thinking about why I'm feeling the way I am and why the changes in me can be perceived as negative. Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter:
- When I was really big, I was much more of a people pleaser. It was very important to me that people like me. Now, I still want to be liked, but I feel like if someone doesn't, it's not the end of the world.
- When I was really big, I was more over-the-top. I always felt like I had to grab people's attention right away and keep them wowed with my wit and charm so that they would somehow miss out on the fact that I was huge!
- When I was really big, everything was really big...my earrings, my hand bags, I had a bit of a shock factor I suppose, even when I look back at pictures of myself, I realize that I'm being goofy in nearly every picture. I don't feel the need to be the clown now. Now I think I blend in better.
- When I was really big, I felt it my duty to be on point and funny at all times, now I think I'm still funny, but when I'm not in the mood to be the "life of the party" well then, I'm just not.
After writing this, I realize that I really have changed. I think perhaps now, I'm a little truer to myself. I'm excavating the real me. It's not easy for me and I'm certain that It's not easy for the people around me. It's all a learning process. I feel very fortunate that I have you all for support and guidance. To those who've been through this stage and for those who are approaching this stage, it's nice to know we are in this together.
Have a great day !
Big Hugs!
T
12 comments:
There you go! This is a true journey! and YAY! for 200 followers :)
It is a wonderful thing that you are now truer to yourself. In time your friends will learn that you are happy...and with that happiness they will accept the new T. You are awesome in my book.
Great blog! Great thinking.
For what it's worth, I think people tend to see through the funny fat girl guise. People love it because it's funny...but from my own life and experiences, it's really not doing what we thought it did. I would bet those in your life are probably just as happy and proud to be your friend as they ever were.
((((HUGS))))
Can relate to each one of your bullets. Being truer to yourself is a beautiful thing!
I am so excited for your journey and so happy to be a part of it.
I am thrilled about your new journey, and I too can relate! I am learning as I get older that I need to be true to myself, to those I love, and to what I believe in. It no longer matters whether my truths are shared by anyone else.. A major growth point for me to discover this!
To thine own self be true.. Shakespeare
Ok, I'm a geek - I just quoted Shakespeare on your blog.... (((hugsss)))
The love I felt for your post yesterday is doubled for this post. We are living parallel lives. Losing weight has really helped me with people pleasing. Losing weight has healed me mind.
Thank you for your transparency.
Your authentic self is perfect and beautiful.
i am feeling a little exposed right now because i feel like you went into my head and put into writing a lot of what i am thinking lately. i may have to quote you when i finally sit down and write a very difficult post about friendships, etc.
I'm right with you on each of those bullet points. I'm a tad closer to getting a similarly themed post onto paper (ok - really the computer screen) but I'm not there yet. I really appreciate your being open and out there. Your true self is amazing. I hope your husband doesn't mind, but I think I'm a little in love with you too! :)
I've had people say the same thing to me... like I'm less funny or less flirty... well, I don't feel the need to be the "Life of the party" anymore... I feel like a veil has been lifted from my eyes. The one that exposes you to Unconditional Love. I am still a flirt, I am still funny, and I am still full of life... I am just ME, and I am nobody's clown. Like me for who I am, Love me for who I am... or hit the bricks! I'm not your token fatty... I'm not your wing girl. I am not gotta get you guys like a madam... Well, maybe sometimes...
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