After reading your comments, I started really thinking about why I'm feeling the way I am and why the changes in me can be perceived as negative. Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter:
- When I was really big, I was much more of a people pleaser. It was very important to me that people like me. Now, I still want to be liked, but I feel like if someone doesn't, it's not the end of the world.
- When I was really big, I was more over-the-top. I always felt like I had to grab people's attention right away and keep them wowed with my wit and charm so that they would somehow miss out on the fact that I was huge!
- When I was really big, everything was really big...my earrings, my hand bags, I had a bit of a shock factor I suppose, even when I look back at pictures of myself, I realize that I'm being goofy in nearly every picture. I don't feel the need to be the clown now. Now I think I blend in better.
- When I was really big, I felt it my duty to be on point and funny at all times, now I think I'm still funny, but when I'm not in the mood to be the "life of the party" well then, I'm just not.
After writing this, I realize that I really have changed. I think perhaps now, I'm a little truer to myself. I'm excavating the real me. It's not easy for me and I'm certain that It's not easy for the people around me. It's all a learning process. I feel very fortunate that I have you all for support and guidance. To those who've been through this stage and for those who are approaching this stage, it's nice to know we are in this together.
Have a great day !