LilySlim - Weight loss

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


Yeah, that's me, laughing out loud. That picture was taken of me at Pat O'Brien's in New Orleans, surrounded by people I love, enjoying the company and a couple of Hurricanes . That = LOL, not a care in the world, right?

Sometimes, when I'm having a bad day, I look at that picture and it makes me feel better. If I'm really having a bad day, I watch videos of babies laughing on YouTube, who can resist a baby laughing? I've been working on ways to feel better without using food or drink. Food has been my drug of choice for most of my life. When I decided to have WLS, I was really scared. I wasn't afraid of the surgery or the pain, I was afraid of my feelings. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to handle my emotions without food. I have been in therapy for my eating disorder, I have done 12 step programs, I have prayed, journaled, read every book in the world on how to give up food as a buffer to my real feelings. I have come to the conclusion that had I not had this surgery, it probably wouldn't have happened. So many times in my adult life I have lost significant amounts of weight and really thought that I was dealing with the emotional issues too and being honest with myself...I'd say, "this time will be different, I'm prepared, I've done the head work, I'm ready, I will never abuse food like that again." But then, there I was again, knowing full well that this one candy bar or that one bag of chips was going to be the catalyst for a backslide that I was powerless to prevent. The cycle of success/failure, freedom/guilt was bigger than me. I'm thankful that this time will be different (although, still somewhat skeptical).
I'm thankful that I have the support of my family, friends, experienced band bloggers, newbies and others who are going through the same struggle as I am. I don't think that WLS is a quick fix, Hell, it's hard and the possibility for failure is still there. But this time, I have a fighting chance, this time really can be different. It has been a difficult transition, sometimes I want to be able to eat like I used to, most days I'm darn glad that I can't. Today, I'm having a sad day, and I'm really glad that I can't and won't eat my way through it. I've called my husband and leaned on him, I've reached out to you all and to my sister. I'm feeling sad, but I know it won't kill me, it'll pass and I'll be laughing out loud tomorrow. Thanks for all that you have brought to my life!


amandakiska said...

What a great post! Thank you for sharing. You look so happy in that picture. I love it!

Lonicera said...

Thankful but skeptical - captures my thoughts entirely, as usual.

Band Groupie said...

Your picture got me giggling...that and hurricaneS (plural?'re a better woman than I). Pat's is the best!

I also have some go-to sites when I'm having a down day. You and I have follwed very similar paths...keep up the good fight...I KNOW you'll get there...believe it!!!

Band Groupie said...

whoops 'followed'...I need spell check!

Linda said...

Great post! I think we all feel that way. I know I have to deal with the emotions I used to make go away with M&M's and it's hard sometimes. You did the right thing reaching out when the emotions came rushing in.
I love that picture!

Sam said...

Keep checking out those laughing babies. I never though of doing that, what a great idea. I must try this myself.

I hope your sad day does't last too long.

Cindylew said...

That pic of you is gorgeous...just like you are now.
I'm sorry you're having a sad day but keep doing what you're doing and soon it will be tomorrow.
Love you Tess.

Drazil said...

Great post Rosebud. Can I ask what feelings you are hiding from? Have you ever figured out what they were and why? Just asking so I can learn from you...cuz you inspire me.

Bonnie said...

What a great picture. Most people can't laugh like that without looking ridiculous in a picture, but you look great. I'm so glad that the band is working for you. I too am hoping the band breaks my cycle. Great post.

Jenny said...

Love this post. I love how happy you look in the photo. Its very honest.

Kristen said...

I love pictures like this.. a great post too..

ps- my son likes to watch funny baby videos on youtube when he plays with my iphone .. :0)

LDswims said...

What a beautiful picture! What a wonderful idea to look at that picture when times are sad.

I hope your sad day is a thing of yesterday.


Girl Bandit said...

Great oicture...sorry you are having a bad day but at least you are learning to lean on others and not food. I love that I can't overeat and put further stress on my body but at the same time I miss it....weird hey??? Hang in there and I hope tomorrow is a better day