Maybe it was the Sea Salt Chocolate!

Yay! I'm so excited to finally see a loss, it has been a whopping 36 days since I've seen a loss! Wow....how appropriate that I found a turtle with the number 57 on it! You know, I don't care if it takes me a year or two to lose the rest of my weight. I will do it. I keep holding on to the thought that I might end up like Judi (Stories from the Road) and all of a sudden my body decides to lose weight quickly for the second half of the journey. Either way, I'm really happy with my progress. I really hope I can stay away from chocolate today, but I went to bed thinking about the salted chocolate....OH MY! Have a great day everyone, the weekend is almost here! Big Hugs, T

Why?

Why is it that after a tough time with my band, getting stuck and PBing, I want to eat everything in sight? Today I have just been so... in the mood to eat. I want to eat bad things, good things, all things! I'm still pretty tight and am having to be careful. But all I can think about is candy and chips and junk! Does anyone else experience this. I have noticed it in the past, like I feel sorry for myself because I'm hungry and can't eat, I feel deprived and all of that triggers the desire to overeat and eat badly. Then today, Grace told us about Lindt dark chocolate with sea salt. I love all things sweet and savory together, so I got some! It was divine, OMG! I shared it with my co-workers, so I didn't do badly calorie wise, but I have enormous guilt feelings after I eat things like that. I walked the Easter candy Isle and fantasized about every delicious morsel. I didn't get one of everything like I wanted....I shared the thing I got. In the big scheme of things, that was pretty good. I hate that I feel like I'm cheating on someone! I still have some work to do on this brain of mine. Again, I thank you for all of your uplifting comments. You always know how to make me feel good, now if you could just make me feel like exercising and eating right, we'd be in business. I hope you have a great day! Big Hugs, T

Feeling much better!

Wow, I 'm feeling so much better! Thank you all so much for your kind words and advice. I stuck with liquids yesterday and so far this morning and am feeling much better. Water is going down just fine. Hormones really affect band tightness for me and I'm just going to have to get it through my head that when I first start feeling the signs of tightness, I'm going to have to back off and just do liquids. I swear one day I'm going to catch on. Last night I went to school with my youngest and did his schedule for High School!!! Oh, the reality is setting in now! I can't believe both of my boys will be in High School next year! Wow! I told you guys about the painting I'm working on for a friend. It's going to go in his boat house and it's a crab, painted on wood. My husband cut the crab out on his fancy new saw for me out of 1/4" plywood and then we will glue the crab onto a piece of 1/2 ply. All I have left to do is glue it on and paint the shadows of the crab on the background. I'm excited with the way it's turned out, so I thought I'd share with you. I took the picture with my phone, so it's not the best pic in the world. Last week my hubby did a post about the gay men in my life and how they spoil me with compliments, complete understanding and beautiful flowers every time they come over. The next picture is a vase of flowers my friend T brought me from his yard, they are Snowball Viburnums and they are just stunning, so I thought I'd share that too!

The above was also taken with my phone, a little blurry, it was about 1 am and I had a little wine and some Champagne, so.... the painting next to it of the crazy dog is one of mine too.

I feel bad for all you Northerners who are still freezing up there, the weather is beautiful here and Spring has definitely sprung, but don't go getting to excited for me, we'll be wishing for Winter in no time when the 100 degree, 100% humidity appears. I hope you all have a great day, I'm looking forward to gingerly eating today and having no stuck episodes!

Big Hugs!

T

Time to baby my band...

It's time for me to get back to basics, time to stay on liquids and mushies until my band decides it likes me again. I don't know what's going on, but I'm super tight. I've thrown up more this weekend than I have since I've had my band. Friday, I got stuck at lunch and PB'd, stuck on mashed potatoes, and then I ate some gumbo that evening, no rice, just the juice....stuck and violent PB. Saturday, I ate 1/2 of an avocado, smashed up....stuck, PB. I ate soup later and that was fine. That night, we had boiled crawfish no problem with them. Sunday, soup for breakfast...fine, soup for lunch....fine, later some chips...fine. Then I had a dinner party to go to, the first course was a bisque, stuck...PB, I threw up 3 times at the dinner party and when I got home I was miserable and telling my hubby I want an unfill right away. Last night, I wake up, can't drink water. This morning, coffee....barely goes down. I had some very soft oatmeal for breakfast and it was fine, but I'm really sore, my throat hurts, my chest hurts and it hurts between my shoulder blades. I'm tired of getting stuck and getting sick. I don't understand why all of a sudden I'm so tight. Plus, it makes me worry that I'm going to damage my band or my esophagus this way. Any suggestions for how long I should stay on liquids/mushies to make sure the inflammation is gone? Any one else having issues with sudden tightness? I'll take whatever advice you've got.

Other than the sucky stucky part of the weekend, things were good. Like I said we had boiled crawfish this weekend and they were delicious, I have some left so I'll be making and etoufee (pronounced A 2 fay) this week with the tails. I have been working on a painting of a crab for one of our friends and painted all day yesterday, I'm so pleased with the way it's turning out. I can't wait to finish this week. Our kids are good, my hubs is good, life is good.

Take it easy!

Big Hugs,

T

Much ado about something...and BYOC

click on the image to enlarge

I've been talking about it all week. And here it is my one year Bandiversary. I'm happy with my progress, although when I started, I just knew I'd be at my goal in one year. I'm not, but I'm happy with the progress. I'm 5'9" tall, at my heaviest I was in a size 26 pants, a size 24 or 3x top and I quit weighing myself at 285! In the picture taken today, I'm wearing a large t-shirt and a size 16 jeans, I'm dressed for my son's track meet after school today and I feel pretty normal! When I was looking for pictures to put together for the collage above, I realized just how long I've been hiding myself and making sure no full body pictures ever saw the light of day! Any way, before surgery I followed Catherine's advice and took my measurements, I would urge all you newbies to do the same, the results are pretty impressive to me, they are:

Neck -2

Bust -7

Waist -8

Hips -10

Thigh -5

Upper arm -2

Calf -2

For a total of 36 inches lost, I'll take it!

And now a little BYOC

1. How do you handle criticism? From anyone but my husband very well. I don't know why, but if my husband criticizes me, even in the most gentle way, it hurts my feelings and I'm a child. Sad but true!

2. Who had or has had the greatest impact on your life? I think my 2 brothers and my sister, they practically raised me, when my parents died they all stepped up and did whatever they could to take care of me. My brothers took over my dad's business and did a beautiful job with it, they are all damn fine people!

3. If you had a friend that spoke to you the way YOU speak to yourself – would you keep them as a friend and for how long? At this point in my life, absolutely not, but I stayed with a man for 23 years who talked to me like I was less than human. Now, I'm a much different person!

4. Do you think crying is a form or weakness or a form of strength? I think it is a sign of both. For me, I always felt week when I cried and I cried a lot, but now I realize what a gift it is to be able to feel what you feel and express that. I found that once I worked through some pain from my past, I didn't cry near as much, I didn't need to. I still cry when I need to and I know without a doubt that I am strong... I am woman...hear me roar!

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life. In blog land...it's my one year Bandiversary, and for many of my blog sisters as well! Also, jealousy rears it's ugly head as I see picture after picture of the NYC brunch...I can't wait to see you guys in Chicago! In real life, busy, busy I'm so looking forward to the weekend!

Have a wonderful Friday and enjoy the weekend.

Big Hugs,

T

In anticipation of my Bandiversary!

Tomorrow it will be one year since my surgery. It hardly seems possible. It's been a wonderful year, filled with excitement and a few ups and downs. I've learned a great deal about myself and Pearl my band. There is still much that I need to learn...for instance, when to just stop. I don't know if anyone else has this problem, but when my band is irritated and I have repeated stuck moments and PB's, you would think that after a year, I would know to just stop, don't try to eat anything but liquids and mushies and don't tempt fate, just stop... yeah, well I'm a slow learner. Last night I had one of the worst PB/stuck episodes of my banded career, I was in pain I babied my band after that and then in the middle of the night I woke up and out of habit just took two giant gulps of water from my cup and was up half the night retching and feeling regret.

All that aside, I will say that I am so grateful that I got the band. It has been a challenge trying to undo 47 years of bad eating habits, but overall, I think I've done okay. I looked back on my blog and found my top ten list of things I wanted from the band. Here it is:



10. To no longer be obese. (I am 9 pounds away from not being Obese on the BMI chart!)


9. To feel comfortable in my clothes. (I would say that this has happened for me, I'm much more comfortable in my clothes and with myself.)


8. To get my blood pressure under control. (I'm still on meds, but my blood pressure is 116/66, so on my next visit I think my doc will start weening me from the meds, before, my BP was high even on 2 kinds of medication.)


7. To take a beach vacation and not feel inclined to wear at tent! (I think this is not going to be a problem, I've been searching swim suits online already in anticipation, and it should be way better than last year.)


6. To adjust the seat in my car without having to move my butt to one side to get my arm down there! (Victory, I never thought that would happen for me, but it has!)


5. To no longer know the Muffin man! (he lives above my waist) -- (I'm happy to report, no muffin top!)


4. To weigh less than my husband. (Yay! Again, I never thought that this could happen, it's not by much, but it feels great!)


3. To wear a football mom shirt and not feel so out of place. (Done, I'm starting to feel more and more normal!)


2. To weigh less than the average starting lineman on any given Sunday.(Done! The actual average weight of linemen in the NFL is 270, so Yay!)

And....the number one thing I want from the band.....

1. For my personality to be bigger than my butt! (I don't know about this one, but on some days I think yes...maybe so!)

I still don't know if I'll be able to locate my befores, but if not, I'll save them for my 2 year post or for my goal post....which, I now know I will reach! I shudder to think what a lonely journey this would be had I not stumbled upon this wonderful community of bloggers. I still can't believe that I flew half way across the country to go hang out with people I met on line in Chicago last year, it just goes to show you that what we have here is really special. I thank you all for your support and the camaraderie. I'll post officially tomorrow. Have a great day!
Big Hugs!
T

I feel like posting....

but I've got nothing. Maybe tomorrow I'll be more inspired. Feel free to make suggestions.

Have a great Wednesday....the hubs is a little under the weather, so I don't think we'll be having date night tonight. I'll have a glass of wine with Cameron on "Modern Family", he and I are just alike.

Giant Hugs!

T

How do you see yourself?

Greetings friends. Today my hubby blogged about me (big shock there) and my mini meltdown from the weekend. He said something in his blog that was so true and you know, when men break things down, devoid of estrogen and emotion, you can really get a different take on things.
He said, "she seems perfectly comfortable with her body design. Until she's not." Wow, that was brilliant, no truer words have ever been spoken. I know I'm not alone here, but I do think it's pretty much a woman thing, that one day you feel fine and confident and then the least little thing can throw you into that cavern of uncertainty that we like to call "low self-esteem" or for me, "Oh my God, my butt looks huge in this, did you get a look at my back fat? I hate my hair, nothing fits me, I'm sucha freeking cow!" Saturday night while getting ready to go out, I had that moment and I'm telling you it all started because I don't have anything that fits me well. I'm a firm believer that as you are losing weight you should make sure that things fit you along the way, and this hasn't been a problem until now, I'm officially at the end of my closet supply, I have no smaller sizes and I have purged my closet, leaving a few things hanging, that I should probably purge too, but I just can't bear to look at my closet with nothing in it. I know this is a good problem to have, I even have a nice gift certificate to spend on clothes, but each time I go to the store, I can't find anything that appeals to me. I'm scared to venture into the non plus size world, because I always feel like the police will come pat me down and insist I go back to the fat girl side of the store. I'm just at an awkward time and I'm between sizes. Trust me, I'm not knocking it, but I just need to bite the bullet and do some shopping.

My husband is right, I'm pretty comfortable with my body design, I have hips and a womanly figure, I'm okay with that, it's taken me more than 40 years to understand that you can't change your body type. I'm glad that curvy girls are accepted more now, and I'm glad that the 80's are gone, because there just aren't enough shoulder pads in the world to make my hips look narrow. I'm also glad that I'm married to a man who loves me, even when I'm having a crazy melt down. I can't imagine going through this past year without the support of my husband, he is so reasonable and I am so emotional, he helps to ground me.

I still haven't found my official before pictures that we took before surgery, I hope I can find them. I did get out my measurements and can tell you that the band and a year make for considerable change. I plan to blog on Friday, my actual one year mark. Every day I'm grateful for my band, I'm grateful for this community and I'm so grateful that my husband has been so willing to participate in this journey with me. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that together we will learn to be more accepting of what's looking back at us from the mirror!
Big Hugs,
T

BYOC

It’s BYOC Friday – Bring Your Own Crazy! Five little questions – some funny, some serious – that you can copy and paste to your blog. We do this in an effort to get to know each other better and to give our blogging brains a break! Enjoy!

Side note: Some of the questions today or upcoming may be repeats BUT some newbies have asked that I ask them so if you don’t mind re-answering that’d be great for all the new bloggers who are getting to know us “oldies”!

1. Regardless of what stage you are in - in your weight loss, get healthy journey – do you still consider yourself “fat”? Was there a point when you stopped feeling that way?
Yes, I do, because I am still fat, although I feel much better about myself and feel much healthier and much more “normal” looking, I also am a realist and know that I am still fat. If I go by the BMI chart, I’m still obese for 12 more pounds, in fact.

2. Tell us about your first kiss.
I was in the 7th grade, and I can’t remember the boys name, I think it was Don, but it was at my friend Brenda’s house, she had a boy/girl dance party, he and I danced a lot, because he was likely the only one there taller than me (to Bread songs of course, all slow dances.) Later on in the party we played spin the bottle, and he and I had this big long kiss. I remember thinking I might die from suffocation and, as I recall, he was not a very good kisser, kind of sloppy in fact.

3. Describe your parenting style (either current or what you hope to do or what you would do if you ever had kids)?
I don’t really know that I have a style. I am a very maternal woman and I love being a mother and having a close relationship with my kids. I try really hard to be consistent and stick with what I say. Other than that, I think humor is a good tool to have as a parent, we laugh a lot at our house. All I can say for sure is that I really do try hard to be a good mother and step mother and to let the kids know how very much I love them, sometimes I fall short, but I do try. I find it much more challenging to be a step mother, because with your own children you know that when you fuss with them or punish them or whatever… you already have this life-long relationship with them, they know you have their back no matter what, they know where you stand and they know you love them no matter what. But with your step children you don’t have that advantage of a life-long love, it’s very challenging, rewarding, but challenging, especially for an emotional person like me.

4. How would your best friend describe you?
I think she would say I’m funny and a good listener (I would say the same for her!)

5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in blog land and in real life.
In blog life, so many people are approaching their one year mark, it’s exciting and I’m so thankful for all that this blog has brought to my life. And…my husband’s blog has a fancy new look thanks to Jenny. He’s giving me a little competition, but, he writes such funny, sweet stuff about me that I’ll just have to let him slide.
In real life, it’s track season again and so I’m going to a meet tonight to watch my son run. I’m excited for the weekend, I’m finally getting over the blues that come along with the time change for me. Monday, I go to court again with my ex, I’m looking forward to it, about like a root canal with no anesthesia.
Thank you all so much for your wonderful comments on my blog post with the before and after pics. You guys sure know how to make a girl feel good!
Have a great weekend, Big Hugs!
T

Almost a year!

The me on the left January 2010, the me on right March 2011.

Next Friday will be my 1 year bandiversary. I've been reflecting on the year, wow, it has flown by! When I got the surgery, I believed that in one year I would be at my goal weight. I am not. I read countless blogs before making the decision to have the surgery and I remember seeing some people who lost weight as quickly as if they'd had bypass and in a year were firmly at goal. I saw people who after a year had barely lost any weight and I saw people who after a year were about half way there. I fall in to the third of those categories and I'm not the least bit sad about it. My weight loss has been slow, but if I really stop and think about it, it has also been pretty darn painless. I have not given up any of the food or drink that I love. I have not obsessed over what I want that I can't have, I have not been inconvenienced at all. In fact, it's really been pretty easy, it has been a time in my life that I feel more normal than ever before. Once I got comfortable with my band, learned how to really chew and avoid puking, it's been good. I have not exercised like I should and although I keep saying I'm going to, I still haven't. I know that if I did start exercising in earnest and really watching what I eat, that the weight would come off quicker, but I'm pretty happy right now with the pace and the fact that I'm living, having a wonderful time and still managing to lose a little weight along the way. I do plan to step things up a bit for the second half of this journey, but...I just have to say again, I love my band, I'm so glad I have it and I'm really happy with my progress thus far. I'm still hanging on at 55 pounds down, I'm 45 pounds from my goal, 41 from the place that I think I might want to settle, I can't tell you how good it feels to think I may be happy with where I am in 40-45 pounds, that's amazing to me. For the biggest part of the last 20 years I have been at least 100 pounds overweight. So...this feels good.

The picture I posted above, of me, is a great example of how much my life has changed. The pic on the left was taken at a Super Bowl party last year and when it was posted on Facebook, I was mortified, I felt like it embodied just how badly I felt about myself. I looked fat, but even worse...I looked unhappy and I was. The pic on the right was taken over the weekend at my brother's birthday party, I think I look so much more confident and happy...and I am.

March 25, 2010 was a great day for me, one that I thought would never happen for me, I'm so glad that it did. The night before my surgery I had my husband take some pictures from several different angles for my befores, I can't locate them, because we had computer issues since then, but he says he saved them on a disc for me, I really hope I can find them so I can do a comparison. I'm looking forward to getting to my goal, I guess I'm going to have to step it up a tad if I want it to happen this year!

Have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T

The Battle Within...

Good vs. Evil

This weekend Evil won. The fight for balance is something I struggle with, balance within my family, my career, my plate particularly. This weekend, the bad me won, the bad food won. My week last week went pretty well, I was glad that Mardi Gras was over, but the over abundance of the season kind of spilled over on to the new week. I was glad not to drink any alcohol that's for sure, but I was feeling sort of antsy and found it hard to get in the swing of things. I was craving some bad food, chips and sweets. I did pretty well and then on Friday night my son had a track meet. It was really cold (like digging through the Goodwill box in the car to layer with cold) and although I thought I was prepared, I was not. I got really cold and really hungry and all they had in the concession stand was, well concession stand food. I did eat a small popcorn, but didn't get home til close to 9 and I was really hungry. I fixed mac and cheese for me and my step daughter and then I ate a Little Debbie oatmeal creme cookie (170 calories and a glass of whole milk 120 calories.) Okay, these weren't very nutritionally sound choices but they were mine, I logged my calories into My Fitness Pal and it wasn't so bad after all, 200 calories over my target. But, here's were the good vs. evil comes in. Anytime I eat sweets at night, without having had a good protein source with it, I wake up really hungry. So, Saturday I got up, really hungry and we were out of coffee! I was a bear, I started a fight with the hubs, I had several blow ups about stupid stuff, set every one's mood off nicely on a Saturday, I had a glass of milk for breakfast and drank some water, then made a bunch of seasoned oyster crackers, spinach dip and french onion dip for the party later, I tasted a tiny bit of all of the above by the way, but still didn't take the time to prepare something healthy and eat it. I then went to my sister's to set up for my brother's surprise 60th surprise b-day party. We got everything set up and I was putting the giant cookies on platters, I ate a 330 calorie cookie for lunch (are you seeing a pattern here?) I went home got ready and went back to the party. I drank plenty of wine, I ate a piece of birthday cake, 1/2 of previously mentioned cookie, chips, dips and a very small amount of jambalaya. I went to bed feeling disgusted with myself and I dreamt all night about being hit in the stomach. Sunday morning I have to get my boys to early service at church, actually 6:30, since old people like me don't adjust well to the time change. I came home and had a waffle with low sugar syrup and a glass of milk. I then made a giant pot of red beans and rice for supper. I had a rice krispy treat for lunch and red beans for supper ( a very small amount) and.....wait for it......a bottle of wine and another Little Debbie cake. So, I record everything and I logged my calories, it really wasn't near as bad as I had thought, I was only 75 calories above my target range. But here's the deal, all day I held food in that place, that place that I have worked so hard to get away from....that place that says that food is bad, so I'm bad for eating it, that place the makes me feel like a failure, and makes me want to throw it all away, because we all know that food is way stronger than me! Yeah...that place. I hate that place. And, once I go there, it's hard to find my way back. I'm okay today so far. I've had good solid protein and no sweets, why does this have to be so hard? Today, Read asked "What's the band given you?" Well, it certainly couldn't fix my head issues, but it did stop me from making a day of crazy eating into a 5,000 calorie event. I'm glad I have it and there was a time when I thought I had the sweet spot, but I'm kind of with you on this one, I don't think everyone gets to that place of no hunger. I get really hungry, when I eat, I get full with a small amount of food. Sometimes, I'm hungry in 2 hours from that time, sometimes it's longer, but trust me, I always get hungry again. I still think about food, especially if I get upset or tired or get my feelings hurt, that's the first place my mind goes, I don't suppose that will every change, I don't know. But I do know that if the most damage I do on a binge day is 13-1500 calories, I'll still probably meet my weight loss goals and be able to stay there. Yeah, evil won yesterday, but today is a new day, I'm pulling for the good side of me, on all fronts.

Big Hugs!

T

My thoughts on a Friday....

Hi there! I hope everyone is having a great day, I'm so glad it's Friday. I'm looking forward to a weekend of no Mardi Gras, yay! I do have a busy weekend planned. Tonight I have a track meet to attend, my oldest will be running and jumping hurdles. Saturday is my brother's 60th Birthday party, it's a surprise, so it should be fun. And, I plan to sleep in tomorrow and do a little house work and laundry.

I have made and executive decision not to participate in the x-rated BYOC today. I love to talk about sex, but not in a public forum. So, you guys will have to wait for Chicago to ask me any personal sex type questions! LOL!

I loved all of the comments yesterday about the TV characters, that was fun. Also, I particularly like Kristin's comment about my husband's blog. When I was talking about the comments he made about voluptuous women being better equipped to handle life in general. Her comment was this: "I think John's point is sound. I've always thought not being particularly attractive in my teen and early adult years forced me to develop a sense of humor, intelligence and a sense of kinship with people who were, well, average. I have family members who were always really pretty, and they relied on their looks a lot. I never thought of it this way at the time, but I think I was blessed to not have that option. It really pushed me to develop as a person." I would totally agree with this statement as well. Although, I've seen Kristin and she is beautiful! Read also said that people who have had to struggle generally are better prepared to face the world, great points. I personally believe that my weight problems are what helped me to develop my sense of humor and the type of outgoing personality that I have. I've said it before I have always felt like if I can get in a conversation with someone, they will see past my fat. Now at this stage of my life as I'm approaching my 50's I see friends of mine, who were beautiful young women, really struggling with the loss of their youth and some of their beauty. It's been interesting for me to watch some of my friends that I have always thought had it all, and now I realize they had some things, but those things are fleeting. I think there is a lot to be said for women who accept and embrace all parts of the maturing process. One of the things that makes me sad for myself is that I wasted a considerable amount of time trying to change myself, when I was a young woman, had I spent that energy embracing myself, differences and all, I would have saved myself some heart ache. I suppose youth really is wasted on the young. I have done a lot of thinking lately about what it is I really want. Will I be happy when I reach my goal weight? Will I then have a whole new set of flaws to fixate on? Will I be able to age gracefully or will I go kicking and screaming into bluehairdom? Will I ever know the answers to these types of questions? Does anyone else think like I do? The list goes on and on. Again, lots to think about. There are things that I'm starting to feel very sure about, I feel sure that I will continue to lose weight and work on my health. I am starting to be a little more accepting of myself and I'm realizing just how lucky I am that I am married to a man who really has always treated me the same, no matter what size I am. I am working on doing the same for myself!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Big Hugs!

T

I can't turn it off....It's who I am!

Have you ever really identified with a character from a TV show? I mean really? I have, I do.

Today I was reading Deborah's blog, and she was commenting on "Modern Family" which is my favorite show on television right now. I have to tell you....I am Cameron! As I told Deborah, I don't know how I should feel about identifying so strongly with an overweight, over-dramatic, queen who happens to be a man! But...I do. It's so funny, every time my husband and I watch the show, he's like that is soooo you! Sad but true!

On another note about the hubs, today on his blog he talked about how skinny girls are overrated. He said something on his blog today that absolutely fascinated me, and I quote:
" If there is one thing I have discovered through trial and error.... it is that I love voluptuous women. I earnestly believe that emotionally, physically, and even spiritually that they are just better prepared for life." Hmmm, I think that is a nice statement and I'm sure he feels that way, partly because he is married to a "voluptuous" if you will, woman. However, this woman is striving to be less "voluptuous" and I feel that my emotional, physical and spiritual self will certainly be accessible in a new thinner form. Perhaps the man is jaded, because his ex wife was skinny, but trust me, she would be mean and crazy regardless of her size, this much I know. Just like I am finally coming to the understanding that I will be me, the same me that my husband fell in love with, just a little less of me and perhaps a more confident me. Anyway, it's food for thought.
So....are there any characters on TV that are so you?
It's Friday Eve, yay!
Big Hugs!
T

And just like that.....it was over

Mardi Gras is over and I'm glad. The picture above is what's left in New Orleans after a parade. I don't have a pic of the damage in my town, but it's very similar, when you leave the parade route on Mardi Gras night, there is utter destruction, garbage, beads, and abandoned trinkets line the streets and then the clean up crews come in, the next morning when you drive to work, it's as though nothing ever happened.

For me the mess after the Carnival season has always been symbolic of the mess I've made of myself during the season. I always ended Mardi Gras evening overloaded with everything, too much drink, way too much food and in anticipation of the sugar detox I would attempt for lent, I usually ended the evening with a pint of Chunky Monkey ice cream, you know....top off that binge with a cherry.

My how things have changed. This year, I'll admit, since my husband outed me on his blog
that I ended the evening with too much drink. But this year I feel pretty good about the fact that I went to many balls, many parties, many parades and didn't gain any weight. I had to wear a ball gown for my ball presentation and for the gala and never once did I panic when I took the dress out about whether or not it would fit me, it never crossed my mind! That to me is amazing and definitely an NSV!

Today, I'm thankful for the calm after the storm of this Mardi Gras and I'm thankful for my band. I want to take this upcoming Lenten season to focus on cleaner eating and getting my exercise back on! I hope you all have a wonderful day!
Big Hugs!
T

Today is Lundi Gras!

Yes indeed, it's Lundi Gras (Fat Monday) the day before Mardi Gras (Fat Tuesday), tomorrow is the last day of the season, I've had a wonderful time, but I'm glad it's over. I've said it before, too much of even a good thing, is too much! We had a very eventful weekend again, Friday was a parade, Saturday our last ball of the season and Sunday a neighborhood dinner party at our home. The ball that we went to on Saturday is know for their elaborate court costumes, I thought I'd share a few pics with you. The theme was twisted Fairy Tales, and our friend's daughter was the Queen, so we had special seating, it was all quite exciting. Enjoy the pics!

The Queen

The King


Duchess representing Snow White

Jack and the Beanstalk

Me and Don (his daughter was the queen)

And, finally one of the boats at the lighted boat parade.

Tonight I will be presented with the rest of the court at the Royal Gala, it's a big event where every Mardi Gras Krewe presents their Royalty and we promenade. Then tomorrow is the big day, capped off with riding in the Krewe of Krewe's Parade. Have a great day!

Big Hugs!

T

Old habits...

Are hard to break. I'm finding this to be quite evident lately. My old ways of turning to food when I'm scared, sad, upset or tired are trying push their way to the forefront. I'm still in a bit of a court battle with my ex husband and he has made some ridiculous claims about me. Regardless if they are unfounded or not, I still have to employ a lawyer to deal with this bull and it really unnerves me. I find myself revisiting feelings that I would rather not. My ex husband is not nice and when I am forced to remember my life with him, it triggers a desire to overeat that is really hard to deny. Yesterday I entertained the idea of calling him, to try reasoning with him, I did not call him, but just thinking about it caused me distress. I hate the fact that this man can affect my mood in any way. I hate the fact that I still have to deal with him, because he is the father of my children. I wish that he and I could have a good working relationship, so that we could parent our children and just be nice. I hate the fact that my sweet current husband is affected by all of this crap too. I particularly hate the helpless feeling I have when my children are away from me and under their father's care. And, I hate the fact that all of this makes me want to mindlessly eat and binge. Yesterday I wanted chocolate, I wanted to eat a thousand pieces of Easter candy and chips with dip and all things that I used to medicate myself with before; all those things that brought me to the woman who was fat and hopeless and needed surgery to stop the feeding frenzy. When things are good in my life, my relationship with food is good too, but it's times like these that make me question myself. Change is hard, it's hard to deal with things in a new way. I did eat chocolate yesterday and some king cake, but I didn't eat a thousand pieces, I ate one of each. These days I'm sort of forced to feel sad when I feel sad and scared when I feel scared. But, today is a new day, the desire for chocolate is not as strong. I have a wonderful weekend ahead of me with the man I love. What more could I ask for. Have a great weekend.
Big Hugs!
T

Things that make you go hmmmm?

That's right folks, I've been thinking again....dangerous, but true. These are some things that are on my mind today:

Today I seam to have a symphony of noises coming from the intestinal regions, why? What are all of these noises for? Are they normal? They are not uncomfortable, just very noisy!

Today, I ate comfortably with no fear of getting stuck. I chewed really well, I was aware of what I was eating, I did not overeat, I felt completely satisfied after eating, I did not get stuck or puke, it was really nice. So why was my first thought....Oh, I guess I need a fill?

Why does popcorn take me 3 flossings to get rid of?

Why does milk taste so good to me now, when I didn't drink milk for years before the band?

Why am I so thirsty today? When I've had lots of water?

How can one person blow their nose a hundred times and still have more?

Why is chocolate so damn good?

Who was the first person to get banded? How brave did they have to be? I guess almost as brave as the first person to try an oyster.

How can you get so many annoying calls when you're on the do not call list?

What the hell is Charlie Sheen smoking?

Will I ever get below 200? If so, will it be while I'm young enough to enjoy it?

I guess that about sums up what's on my mind today. I hope you all have a great day, it's Wednesday, that means date night with the Hubs, or some modified version thereof...either way, no kids tonight!

Big Hugs!

T

7 days til Mardi Gras!

Whew....7 more days of the party season. We have one more ball this weekend, then Monday night is the big Gala, where all of the Mardi Gras Krewes present their royalty and then Tuesday is Mardi Gras, we ride in the parade that evening and that's it. This has been a fun season, but I must say, I'm ready for a dry spell. Too much, even of a good thing, is too much! I'm tired and I'm still a little sick, but I guess I'm up for my final duties of the season.

For those of you interested in seeing more Mardi Gras you can click here and go to our Krewe's website and see pics from all of our events. I hope everyone has a great day today. Thanks for the nice comments on my post yesterday.

Big Hugs!
T