Greetings friends. Today my hubby blogged about me (big shock there) and my mini meltdown from the weekend. He said something in his blog that was so true and you know, when men break things down, devoid of estrogen and emotion, you can really get a different take on things.
He said, "she seems perfectly comfortable with her body design. Until she's not." Wow, that was brilliant, no truer words have ever been spoken. I know I'm not alone here, but I do think it's pretty much a woman thing, that one day you feel fine and confident and then the least little thing can throw you into that cavern of uncertainty that we like to call "low self-esteem" or for me, "Oh my God, my butt looks huge in this, did you get a look at my back fat? I hate my hair, nothing fits me, I'm sucha freeking cow!" Saturday night while getting ready to go out, I had that moment and I'm telling you it all started because I don't have anything that fits me well. I'm a firm believer that as you are losing weight you should make sure that things fit you along the way, and this hasn't been a problem until now, I'm officially at the end of my closet supply, I have no smaller sizes and I have purged my closet, leaving a few things hanging, that I should probably purge too, but I just can't bear to look at my closet with nothing in it. I know this is a good problem to have, I even have a nice gift certificate to spend on clothes, but each time I go to the store, I can't find anything that appeals to me. I'm scared to venture into the non plus size world, because I always feel like the police will come pat me down and insist I go back to the fat girl side of the store. I'm just at an awkward time and I'm between sizes. Trust me, I'm not knocking it, but I just need to bite the bullet and do some shopping.
My husband is right, I'm pretty comfortable with my body design, I have hips and a womanly figure, I'm okay with that, it's taken me more than 40 years to understand that you can't change your body type. I'm glad that curvy girls are accepted more now, and I'm glad that the 80's are gone, because there just aren't enough shoulder pads in the world to make my hips look narrow. I'm also glad that I'm married to a man who loves me, even when I'm having a crazy melt down. I can't imagine going through this past year without the support of my husband, he is so reasonable and I am so emotional, he helps to ground me.
I still haven't found my official before pictures that we took before surgery, I hope I can find them. I did get out my measurements and can tell you that the band and a year make for considerable change. I plan to blog on Friday, my actual one year mark. Every day I'm grateful for my band, I'm grateful for this community and I'm so grateful that my husband has been so willing to participate in this journey with me. I hope you all have a wonderful day and that together we will learn to be more accepting of what's looking back at us from the mirror!