Are hard to break. I'm finding this to be quite evident lately. My old ways of turning to food when I'm scared, sad, upset or tired are trying push their way to the forefront. I'm still in a bit of a court battle with my ex husband and he has made some ridiculous claims about me. Regardless if they are unfounded or not, I still have to employ a lawyer to deal with this bull and it really unnerves me. I find myself revisiting feelings that I would rather not. My ex husband is not nice and when I am forced to remember my life with him, it triggers a desire to overeat that is really hard to deny. Yesterday I entertained the idea of calling him, to try reasoning with him, I did not call him, but just thinking about it caused me distress. I hate the fact that this man can affect my mood in any way. I hate the fact that I still have to deal with him, because he is the father of my children. I wish that he and I could have a good working relationship, so that we could parent our children and just be nice. I hate the fact that my sweet current husband is affected by all of this crap too. I particularly hate the helpless feeling I have when my children are away from me and under their father's care. And, I hate the fact that all of this makes me want to mindlessly eat and binge. Yesterday I wanted chocolate, I wanted to eat a thousand pieces of Easter candy and chips with dip and all things that I used to medicate myself with before; all those things that brought me to the woman who was fat and hopeless and needed surgery to stop the feeding frenzy. When things are good in my life, my relationship with food is good too, but it's times like these that make me question myself. Change is hard, it's hard to deal with things in a new way. I did eat chocolate yesterday and some king cake, but I didn't eat a thousand pieces, I ate one of each. These days I'm sort of forced to feel sad when I feel sad and scared when I feel scared. But, today is a new day, the desire for chocolate is not as strong. I have a wonderful weekend ahead of me with the man I love. What more could I ask for. Have a great weekend.